[bug'smom]

Hi, I haven't been here for a while. We completed classes in 2005 but I got cold feet and we never completed our homestudy. It was a huge mistake. Now my husband (bless him for his patience) and I are looking into adoption through the system again. We saw a video and read some information about a 15 year old boy who stole my heart. We have a bio son who will be 10 soon. I am cautious about adopting out of birth order. I am also confident that having a sibling will be a positive experience for him. Have any of you adopted a teenager? Can you give advice?
We meet with his SW on Wednesday and also will sign up for classes to begin in April.

Thanks in advance!

[stevenstwin]

Although mine did not lead to adoption, we took in a 14 year old boy 2 years ago, and he is now our son in every way but legally. In our particular experience we found that our then-7 year old daughter had no problems adjusting, but out 13 year old daughter did. I think they were just too close in age - in pretty much the same direct peer group. Also, being different genders might not have helped any - she was uncomfortable about another boy "her age" living in the same home. They are now 16 and 15 and do get along much better - and the one that is now 9 continues to adore her big brother.

Originally Posted by bug'smom

Hi, I haven't been here for a while. We completed classes in 2005 but I got cold feet and we never completed our homestudy. It was a huge mistake. Now my husband (bless him for his patience) and I are looking into adoption through the system again. We saw a video and read some information about a 15 year old boy who stole my heart. We have a bio son who will be 10 soon. I am cautious about adopting out of birth order. I am also confident that having a sibling will be a positive experience for him. Have any of you adopted a teenager? Can you give advice?
We meet with his SW on Wednesday and also will sign up for classes to begin in April.

Thanks in advance!

[Kansas Girl]

I would never adopt a child older than the one(s) I already have. I just couldn't do that to our son, the risks are just too great for me. I would just be really, really careful......some things to think about:
1) will your bio son still be "top dog/head of the kids" or will he lose that place to the older child?
2) how will you make sure your bio son still knows he's the "first" in your hearts?
3) I don't trust social workers and agencies myself - been in too many situations already where they weren't honest, just so they could place a child. Make sure you know absolutely everything about that child, if you chose to bring him into your home.
4) then there's always the dreaded abuse - whether it's sexual or physical, if it's happened to that older child, will he act out or take it out on your bio son? That's damage you can never completely undo, no matter how good the therapy is.
5) will this older child be a good role model for your bio son?

good luck!
Fran