[Bippette]

His UA at the school came back today as slightly positive. So he is done with sports at the high school.

Now the question is going to become will he let this railroad him completely, or will he keep working on getting clean.

I guess losing football earlier this year wasn't lesson enough. He always thinks that he can slip by and work the system. He's lost the gamble two times in a row now with high costs.

It hurts me to see his bad choices cost him so much. Sigh.

[lucyjoy]

Better he learn that lesson now then later. How sad it is to watch our kids make mistakes when the solutions seem so simple from our side. Hope he will find his way.

[aspenhall]

The big thing is does HE feel sad?

You might pioint out to him, that if it were something YOU cared about, to YOU it wouldn't be worth risking the loss of it.

Ask him how much he's really willing to gamble on a game he's guaranteed to lose? Tell him he's smart enough to figure out odds. Ask him if he'd risk losing $100 bucks on a 1% shot he'd make $150.

[HIATUS]

bipp..with the drug test. isnt it pos. or neg.?? im not clear on the "slightly"

[Bippette]

It was positive. But they can also tell how much THC is in his system. It was significantly lower than the last time they tested (meaning he isn't using as much or hasn't used in a while and it just hadn't cleared his system yet), but never the less positive.

Per our house rules he now has a 6pm curfew for a week.

When the principal told him, he slammed the principals door and went down the hall pounding on lockers. Coach came out of his room, and hollered at him to get his rear back in the principals office and he did immediately.

He came home at 6pm as he was supposed to. He asked us what he should do.

He laid on the couch face down and put his face in arms. He let me sit down beside him and stroke his hair for a while. I talked to him a while about his choices...that he can quit and let his life slide into the gutter, or that he can think about all the things he still has going for him a place to sleep, a family, graduating from high school, his dog coming in a few weeks, Christmas, going to college...and pull himself up by the bootstraps and keep on going.

But ultimately Coach and I told him that he's going to have to figure out how to fix this on his own. That he got himself into the mess and we weren't going to even attempt to bail him out.

Believe it or not he behavior is a big improvement from a few months ago. He came home and talked to us. A few months ago he would have quit immediately and gone out an got stoned.

[HIATUS]

cool...hes in the right enviornment with the right support. breaking a rule and following others. ( what kid doesnt do that? )

i think its sinking in. he looses wrestling. hell regret it.
hell see that his mess up isnt putting him in the street and that you guys really care. family sticks by each other even when we mess up, again and again.

he lucky he has you, bipp. hang in there!!! somethin tells me this is one of the kids that WILL be visiting with the grandkids for christmas.

[Bippette]

Originally Posted by HIATUS

somethin tells me this is one of the kids that WILL be visiting with the grandkids for christmas.

I hope so. I worry about him so. He's sooo hardheaded and so immature. He's one of those kids who has to learn lessons the hard way (and apparently repeatedly) before it sinks in.

He already lost playing football over his drug use, and that lesson didn't keep him from doing it again with wrestling.

We told him repeatedly that the school would test him again soon, and he said that they could not test him until his 16 week probation was up. He was wrong.

[kakuehl]

Bippette,

It must be really frustrating for him that he doesn't see immediate results from his attempt to be clean (I may be projecting... but given the amount was lower it does appear that he was trying, even if too little too late!) Can he see the improvement in himself and in his reactions?

God be with you both (and Coach too!)

[kakuehl]

Hmm. Maybe this will help him learn that probationary periods probably bring MORE testing!

[Bippette]

Yeah, I do believe he'd probably been clean for a while, just not long enough for it to clear his system. Because he THOUGHT that he'd pass it.

He's one of these people who thinks "I will never happen to me." "I won't get caught."

Hopefully its sinking in that it DOES and WILL happen to him.

[HIATUS]

kaku brings up a point...the thing is...ya hope he doesnt think ah what the heck, now i dont have wrestling i dont need to worry bout the pot and go back if he was getting clean.

can you think of something to tie the pot use to??

[Bippette]

The only thing we really have is his curfew. Every time he has a postive UA he gets a week of 6pm curfews. And he HATES that.

Plus we'd had a really, really good last couple of weeks. So I'm hoping he can start to see that he can be happy when he's clean.

But he can't tell his friends No....for most anything. And we've been telling him that he needs to drop these old friends in order to clean up.

[kakuehl]

That is so hard, many teens think peers are more important than parents! This is one of those times when "we're too soon old, too late smart." I hope that (with your help and support) he is able to find new friends!

[sundara]

One of mine was doing similar things last year - we instituted our own random tests (one per week, on any day we felt like, at any time) and my dd had to pay the cost of the kits. This really p***ed her off at first, but gave her another incentive to stop. (I never sent them to the lab, just used the at home portion).

In our case, she was addicted due to bio parent forcing them on her & she had never fully kicked the habits while in fcare - she hid it from us for a long time, but it all came out when she got older (along w/many other secrets).

Its amazing how money eventually talks.... She also has to attend at-school support group & was in an after-school one as well. Those relationships became a big support for her while quitting.

[Bippette]

We do test him at home, and he's in an afterschool rehab program, goes to individual counseling once every two weeks and family once every two weeks.

This is something we've never had to deal with before as we've always had younger kids (non-teens).