[Bippette]

At the beginning of September, J had been with us only a couple of weeks. My little boy (age 9) ALWAYS acts up every football season because my husband is away so much coaching.

Well I was trying to get a bank account set up for J. He'd played football the night before, so I let him sleep until 11am. The bank closed at Noon.

So I got him up, got all the kids in the car, and F (my younger son) is fiddling around with batteries in a walkman. I told him that I didn't have time for that, he was going to have to wait until I came back home.

I didn't realize then how mad he was. So I herd him to the car, and his bike is behind the car. Now we'd been telling J that F has horrible tantrums sometimes. But its hard for people to believe that this sweet and petite little boy can turn into a devil child.

So I lock the door and turn around, and the bike is now RIGHT AGAINST the back of the mini-van. I look at F and tell him calmly "F if you don't move that bike, I swear on a stack of bibles that I WILL run over it." I have done such things before, so he knows that I mean business. He grabs that bike and slings it across the yard and starts in with his stomping and cursing, etc.

Now I live in a very, very small and safe town...and he's 9 years old. So I tell him to go to his room, that I am NOT taking him to the bank when he's out of control nor am I going to change my schedule for him. I have to help escort him to his room, then I head back to the mini-van.

Well as I went through the house, he apparently went out the back door and around the outside of the house. As I pull out of the garage he's hitting and kicking the mini-van, throws a folding chair at it and is cursing. J's eyes are about as big as saucers. He says "What are you going to do?" I reply calmly that I am going to the BANK....and I keep backing down the driveway.

Well they are building a new house next door to me. As I clear the garage I see that about 5 construction works are standing at the front of the house watching all this. About the same time, my son puts his foot on the bumper of my car and jumps across the hood putting his fingers inbetween the hood and the windshield to hold on.

Now I'm finally angry. I'm sure there are flames shooting out of my eyes. I put the vehicle in park, get out and slam the door shut. As I'm doing this, I hear one of the construction workers exclaim "Holy XXX!!!"

F knows he's crossed a line beyond lines, and he gets off the hood and starts running. J goes "Should I go try to catch him???? What are you going to do??" I tell him "I run 3 miles 3 times a week, and I can't catch him. You are a LINEMAN, you SURE can't catch him. I am GOING TO THE BANK!!!"

So I get back in my car. My house backs onto a busy main street. I drive through the neighborhood until I get to where our division empties out on the main street. I look both ways before pulling out, and there is my son running down the middle of the street.

So I sigh. I'm defeated. He's obviously so out of control that I cannot leave him. So I roll J's window down and yell at F to get in the car. F refuses.

So J askes if I want him to try. I tell him go ahead...can't hurt. So the conversation goes like this.

J says "F get in the car."

F says "No, if I do she will take me to JAIL."

J says "Dude, they don't take little kids to jail. We're going to the bank!!"

F screams back "No, she will. I know she will. She SAYS we're going to the bank, but she'll take me to jail instead."

J says "DUDE, I PROMISE. We are going to the bank. Get in the car."

And he finally does. And I make it to the bank with five minutes to spare. J gets his checking accounting.

And I deal with F later after my husband is home and my blood pressure is back to normal.

So that's how my 9 year old ended up riding the hood of my car down the driveway!!

[seekfirstthekingdom]

My little boy (age 9) ALWAYS acts up every football season because my husband is away so much coaching.


Is this your biological child?

he's 9 years old. So I tell him to go to his room, that I am NOT taking him to the bank when he's out of control nor am I going to change my schedule for him. I have to help escort him to his room, then I head back to the mini-van.

9 year olds should never be left unattended no matter how mad you are at them, I know in my state that if a foster parent leaves a child under 12 alone it is grounds for removal.

This post really bothers me, I have been extremely upset with my children but I have NEVER even thought of leaving them at home alone, a bigger punishment would be to make them go when they didnt want to go.

I am sorry if I am looking in to this to much but it just sounds wrong....I know that kids can ruin a whole day with their attitudes but the bank would have been open the folowing Monday right?

I know if I would have seen something like this going on in my neighborhood I would have been on the phone with the child abuse hotline so quick it would have made any ones head spin.

Sorry if this offends any one I guess I dont understand how something like this could get so out of control.

[bumblebeeskies]

You shouldn't be so quick to judge. Bipette's kids are HER kids, not foster kids. Of course, the bank would have been opened the following Monday, but that would have done her no good. She was taking a high schooler, to get a checking account. I doubt missing school because of going to the bank is excused by the school. It's not for anyone to say if she should have left her son home or not.

[seekfirstthekingdom]

It doesnt matter if it is her kid or the states kid or an adopted child it is ILLEGAL to leave a 9 yr old home alone.....

And it may not of done her any good to wait till monday because the teen may have missed a few hours of school, but to leave a child alone a 9 year old alone COULD have done more harm than a teen missing a couple hours of school..

she also said that there was construction going on next door does she know these men? for all any of us knows they could have been the same type of people that abducts children....

I see that me standing up for a 9 year old has stepped on some toes, well I will not appologize for it a 9 year old should not be left alone......

[Bippette]

Sigh. I wrote out a response, and then deleted it. No point.

Had you called Social Services they would have said "Ah yes, the _______ Family, sounds like a typical day." They know me well. I was one of their fav Theraputic Foster Parents in the day. And this is my son, not a Foster Son.

[Bippette]

Okay, I lied. I AM going to try. Maybe that way some people who are contemplating adoption older troubled children will understand what it takes. And those who judge the parents who tackle these kinds of kids might ease up a bit.

The odds of my son being abducted or otherwise injured while home alone for a few minutes in our small town are slim and none, and slim left town.

Now this is said in JEST. If anyone did want to abduct my son 1.) They’d have to catch him first and it would require an Olympic Athlete to do so 2.) They’d probably bring him right back anyway.

You have to understand that this is not a normal nine year old. The rules change when you are dealing with a severely disturbed child. A child who has attachment issues needs their parent to be “strong”. If I allow my 9 year old to control our lives, then we have ALL lost, most especially him. If I allow this “ploy” on his part to work and keep the family from completing an errand, then he’ll do this every time he’s either mad at me, doesn’t want to go, wants revenge, etc. I will become weak in his mind’s eye, and then I’ll never be able to keep him safe from himself or others. If I cannot keep control of him, then his only other option is a RTF.

Its people like my “nosy” neighbors who do not understand this. And they believe that my son could be healed with love, gentleness, kindness. Well I can tell you from experience, that people who treat my son this way find that he turns into an unmanageable tyrant (been there and done that with several teachers including the three preschools he was kicked out of). What he needs is boundaries, structure, consistency, follow through, strength and stubborness.

The next time I tell him to get in the car because I’m in a hurry, he’ll do it. Because he now KNOWS that if he doesn’t, I’ll leave him behind. The slight, slight chance I took with his safety to teach him this lesson is worth the greater gain in safety in that he’s been reminded that I don’t put up with his tantrums and tactics.

[momraine]

I too am glad I no longer have neighbors who judge me without checking with me first.
First off at least in my state it is not illegal for a nine year old to be home alone. I know becuase I called CPS and asked becuase my son's friend at age 7 was a latch key kid and came to my house many days after school. I was wondering if it was legal for him to be home alone since on days when I had to take my kids to Karate or dance, I had to send him home, since I was not comfortable taking him with me. CPS said that in Texas there is no specific age, it's up to the parents. If it's reported then they take into consideration the neighborhood, the child's maturity age and how prepared the child is (like do they know how to use the phone, do they know how to call 911 and know moms cell phone number and a neighbors number or where to find those numbers, and do they have rules about cooking and such) She also told me they only investigate if there is more to it than the parent just leaving a child home alone for a short time period. Like if the kid is left over night or missing school, or being abused, or left locked in a room for long time periods with no access to bathroom or food or water, or no way to get out in case of a fire.
So at least in this state, leaving a child home alone is not illegal. Good thing since I know a lot of single parents who would have problems since I don't know of any daycares that take kids 10 and up around here. Foster care has different rules though.
Oh and for record pulling kids out of school for something unexcused is against the law. Some nine year olds are fine left home alone, but last year I babysat a twelve year old who was not mature enough to be home alone. Every kid is different. I had a neighbor once who called cps because I allowed my daughter to play outside and she screamed. Had the neighbor bothered to talk to me first, she would have learned that 1. the child was 3 not an infant as she thought because my child was born without legs and is small for her age. 2. She was in a fenced in yard, with the gates locked and with our large dog and my two older sons and I was doing dishes and watching through a window. 3. The trampoline she was jumping on had a safety net and the jumping on the trampoline was reccomended by the Physical therapist. 4. She screamed only because her brother ran into the house to grab something and took her barbie with him. 5. My other son was still outside with her. 6. I sent the son with the barbie right back out to bring her in since she had screamed. (remember I was at the window).
The neighbor reported that she was an infant, outside alone on the trampoline and that she was out there for hours. (not true, she had only been out for a few minutes)
However, even though we were found innocent, it still took up some time and the social workers time. It could have been avoided if the neighbor had bothered to ask me what was going on first.
Perhaps if she had instead asked me if I needed help, we would have become friends instead of enemies.
I think it's sad that we as parents can't support each other better instead of judging or having the first reaction be to report people. Social workers are overworked enough, if they had to respond every time a kid threw a tantrum outside they would be even more overworked and children who are being abused may fall through the cracks.
Also the suggestion that the errend should have been abandoned, the promise to a kid who has had many, many promises broken, broken because of a kid throwing a tantrum. Making a kid go when he is out of control is much more dangerous, have you seen a kid in a totally out of control fit? You cannot drive a car with a kid throwing this kind of fit, they open the door and throw themselves out, and they distract the drive and throw things in a small space where the other people cannot escape. Much more dangerous to try to make the kid go. As for cancelling the errend, then the kid has learned a wonderful lesson that he can control the entire family and cancel an errend any time he wants. He has learned that he can avoid going places by simply throwing a fit. He might could avoid the doctor, or school or therapy, simply by throwing a fit, everyone will stay home. So once she has taught the boy this lesson, what happens if next time the errend is to the doctor for a sick child? She should just let the child miss the appointment? Hopefully this time he learned that the tantrum is not the effective answer to this type of issue. Maybe he learned that when mom says get in the car it's just easier to get in the car.

[seekfirstthekingdom]

I really do, I could never take in children that were that emotionally disturbed, I dont agree with leaving a 9 year old alone, never will.

I had 2 boys that came to my home with behavioral problems, anger issues, violent rages, I agreed to take them under false pretenses, the worker made them sound like angels.
when I felt that I could no longer handle them I put my 2 weeks notice in, I am weak, I could not follow thru with what you did and they needed someone who would and they did go to a therapeutic home.

I am saying all of this because just because I dont agree with you doesn't mean anything, you are the parent I am just a bystander who does not understand.

I have also ran over bikes that were left behind the vehicles, I have thrown toys away that were left out after the kids were told to put them away, I do get that sometimes you have to play mean to get the bahaviors that are more desireable, I dont get leaving a child at home alone....

[Bippette]

I understand. There are days I have wanted to give up, but then there are days that make it all worth it.

This is the same little boy that I posted about who last week came out of his room voluntarily after a tantrum with an apology note written out to me. You could have knocked me down with a feather.

He doesn't want to be this way...he's learning to control himself....meds are helping...baby steps. He loves to go to church, maybe he'll become a preacher some day. LOL. Who knows.

God found a way to put to use my stubborness. I have the feeling there are more troubled kids in my future, but right now I have my hands pretty full.

[lucyjoy]

This so made me laugh, probably because I have lived with such craziness. I can't believe you stayed calm enough to just do what you were doing.

I live in a small town and people leave their kids home alone all the time. And this is a battle this mom could not afford to lose or she'd be a prisoner to her sons emotional problems forever.

[aspenhall]

I agree....In a NORMAL situation leaving a child home alone may not be an option...but we live in an alternate universe...And it would only need to happen once or twice for him to "get the point"

I love that the construction workers were freaked out by your son!

[sundara]

For those so quick to judge, please give Bipette the benefit here - do you think she might already be able to predict some of his behaviors (e.g., that he would either chase the car or try to beat her to the bank on foot)?

My son runs to the same kid's house every time he has a big blowout with us. We don't "let" him runaway, but I sure as heck can predict when he most likely will try, and where I know he will go every time.

If you have every lived in a small town (as my husband did as a kid and we visit all the time - fewer than 900 people), you also know everyone & they all know you, your kids, everyone in town & for miles around, and sometimes even what your pet had for breakfast! And that includes not only who is working where now, but what jobs are coming up, who is most likely to get them because they know someone, etc.

Ispo facto, there is risk to leaving a 9 year old alone, and in many states it is illegal - but when you know he will chase you, and you know that everyone in town knows him, and you know they all know his issues, your issues, etc, etc, how much risk was really involved?

Point being, don't bash so quickly. Bipette was having a ROUGH day, and she shared it with us - I for one thank her for having the courage to talk about it, as it sounded so familiar to me as I am dealing with similar behaviors. I found it comforting to know that I am not alone - which is the point here, is it not?

[HIATUS]

ROFL...awww, bipp. im sorry but this had me rolling. someone really needs to do a "special needs" comic strip.
ive seen the kid on the hood of the foster moms station wagon quite a few times...n the "jail" part was kinda cute.

im sure the little one is more than fine..some of this is "normal" kid stuff..and if anything im sure it brought you closer to J.
sharing wacky experiences can do that. hang in there champ...youre one of the coolest moms here : )

[Bippette]

Thank you!! We laugh about it now. And its defintely a story that I will be telling HIS kids someday. LOL. My co-workers say they want to make a reality show about my life. They ask me almost every day if I have any good stories.

[HIATUS]

your co workers are right, should pitch that..i can see it...im so curious what the construction crew was thinkin!!!! its a perfect sitcom...

i remember my foster mom trying to keep a straight face so many times. the stuff we would do was SOOO FUNNY. she would just look at me out of the corner of her eye n shake her head.

those were some good times. get pictures!