[KenoshaNative]

Hi Everyone,

There has been so much discussion as to adopting an older male child when I have 3 younger daughters. We decided not to but I am still interested in helping someone who we were looking at adopting.

What happens to the kids when they "age out?" Is there a way to contact them? I want to be able to help a particular young man who is interested in aviation. We have an excellent school here where I live and my wife and I were thinking of helping this young man. We would like to open our house to him as a guest, a home away from home if he feels his foster home is his first home. I know that sounds harsh since this is an adoption forum but things being as they are with us this is the best that we can offer. Does any one have any thoughts about or experience with this? Since my wife and I are new to all this, we are in the fact finding mode.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

JL

[leh]

We had a foster daughter who joined our family at 16. She was a year older than our oldest which just didn't work in our house. She stayed with us for a year and a half then moved into independent living after graduating from high school. We still get together regularly and she ended up spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with us. While it might have been good for her to be adopted, we came to the realization that her continuiing to live with us could tear our family apart. (She also has several significant psychiatric disorders.) In any case, you can do several things to keep in touch. First, make sure the child has several ways to contact you. Make it clear that you really want him to do so as he might be hesitant to make that first contact. If you have a relationship already with his social worker, I would also contact him/her and request that you be listed as someone he is allowed to visit. Our former foster daughter's social worker put us on the "approved visitation list" so that we can take her any time we want as long as we notify the program she's living in ahead of time. Depending on his living arrangements once he turns 18, there might be restrictions on who he can see. However, when he is no longer receiving services as a foster child (any time between 18 & 21 depending on the arrangements) he will be completely responsible for these types of decisions.
Laura

[KenoshaNative]

Laura, thanks for your response to my post.

When I say we were looking at a child I do not mean we have a home study completed or made any contact with an SW. Since we are getting on in years we don't feel we could take on a younger child. This is kind of where we are coming from. That is why I asked if there was a way to contact an aged out child. I am glad to hear that they are not just turned out on the streets. I really want to help this kid but in protection of my own family I would like to know this child's background too.

Perhaps this is asking the impossible. I don't know.

JL

[stevenstwin]

I guess it depends how you know him. Do you have some sort of personal relationship with him already? Then it is probably enough to continue that and make sure he has your contact information. Also, I don't think it is inappropriate to contact his social worker. Even though you have no interest in fostering him, you can still ask what kind of a role as a "mentor" you could have for him. But again, that really depends on what sort of relationship you already have with him. I have former students who have contacted me even after they've ended up in foster care....or jail...LOL

[KenoshaNative]

Stevenstwin,

I have no relationship with him. I only saw his picture in the photo listings now and two years ago when he was younger. When I saw his picture this time I could hardly hold back the tears. I just could not believe that these children are not adopted. (Most of my buddies tell me I am such a sap but I can't help it.) We are not even in the same state. Any way, how would I contact his social worker?

I too have mentored someone (28 years old now) I worked with. He has not taken my advice and is close to going to jail. He chose his path. This kid pictured most likely did not!

Any advice would be very welcome.

JL

[aspenhall]

You may contact the SW with an offer to MENTOR (not in your house). Write a letter explaining how you wish to assist him.

[KenoshaNative]

How do I make contact with the SW? I understand wanting to keep the children safe and that is what the SW's do but I think it's easier to make contact with an alien life form than to contact the SW.

JL

[stevenstwin]

it shouldn't be too hard - you say he's on a website? There must be contact information there somewhere, since they are likely hoping that people who are interested in adopting will come forward. However, I have to say ...I'm not sure you will get a response. The Social Worker may be leery of someone who has never met the child and wants to get involved...or they may feel it is a waste of their time to contact someone who is NOT a potential placement. So, how do I put this?...does it HAVE to be this particular child? I'm wondering if you might get more satisfaction out of joining something like Big Brothers/ Big Sisters, where you are matched with a child to spend some time with, so you actually can get to know them and then if there is a connection you can help them further. After all, you don't really KNOW this kid...and as cynical as I've become, I'd wonder why he hasn't been adopted. He might have some pretty big issues that would make him unable to even really appreciate your help. 'course I don't know the situation, so only you know what is right for you! Good luck :-)

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by stevenstwin

...wondering if you might get more satisfaction out of joining something like Big Brothers/ Big Sisters

That sounds like good advice regardless. If they are in some way set on this individual, it might be possible for them to work through BB/BS. That might also provide the SW some degree of comfort, knowing that BB/BS would have done background checks and such.