[TxDavis]

Hi,

I've been a foster parent for 3 years now and have fostered mostly infants. I am fostering a 3 year old who I am hoping to adopt, but that is by no means a for sure deal. I really want to adopt. I've had my heart broken twice and I may be coming up on a third time with my toddler. I don't know how many more times I can go through it and have changed my home to taking "already tpr" right now. I would like to adopt a child anywhere between 3-7.

Does anyone have any success stories about adopting older children? I'd love to have some encouragement as I am a little anxious about the decision!

Thank you!

[WLD]

I adopted a little boy that had just turned 5. I can't give you much help since we've only had him a year but it has been one of the best, most blessed years. I hadn't heard all the "horror" stories that i hear now about adopting older kids before i adopted him. He just needed a home and someone to love and i just so happen to have a home and a whole lot of love. It has worked out great. I've heard others say that it has a whole lot of issues and i'm sure it does but what kid doesn't. He has displayed symptoms of FAE. His school said that he may have a learning disorder doe to that or due to neglect and bparents doing meth. Still, he has been the most loving kid you could imagine. I'm not trying to sugarcoat if for you, just giving you my experience.

[sfbaymom2000]

We got our daughter at age three and finalized six months later. I wrote a lot early on about the challenges and frustrations I experienced. I had a really rough time during the first year, off and on, largely to Post Adoption Depression (it is REAL).

Anyway, things are a lot better now, but she still has some serious emotional and behavioral (and possibly learning) issues. It is draining dealing with the behavior issues that go along with attachment issues, but it is wonderful to make a difference in the life of a child. I have those few days where I feel like this was a mistake, but most of the time I feel like she has added so much to our family. We still have a lot of adjusting to due, even after a year and a half, but things get better little by little. Good luck to you!

[Howdy]

I adopted a girl who first came to me when she was 7 yrs old (tho she was moved to a relative and came back again when she was 8 and the adoption wasn't finalized until she was 9).

The nice thing about a 7 yr old is that they have already been in school for a while and so you can know before accepting the placement whether they have problems (behavioral or learning).

I guess my adoption would be considered a success story. She is a kind and loving girl and we have a good relationship. It is not all roses though, because she was horribly abused and she hates herself and frequently wishes she were dead. But at the same time, she is happy and bubbly and has friends and is very good at many things. But she has some friendship issues (because she is controlling) and because she hates herself, she assumes others hate her and it is very painful for her.

[LoveThemAll]

I have adopted five older children out of foster care, from two different states. Ages at placement range from four to eight years. My oldest is now sixteen. (And a half, she says.) All of them have been diagnosed with a range of special needs of one kind or another... some of the diagnoses were incorrect, others were a lot less severe than I was told, and even more have become barely noticable if not nonexistent over time. Frankly, after all we've been through, I have found my husband and I to be perfectly normal parents with five perfectly normal kids. Who would've thought? (My sixteen year old laughs and says that "normal" is a loose term for our family.)

Looking back, what I have found hardest to deal with in adopting my children (so far) was not the challenges of their various behaviors at placement, was not helping incumbents adjust to new siblings, nor was it hearing the equivalent of "I want my REAL mom" from each child for the first time. It was finding myself thrust into an older generation myself. Because I was so young when my children came into my life, I have had to stretch myself and make friends outside of my age group - friends who are also dealing with teenagers, and not just babies and toddlers.

No matter what, I think you will find yourself blind-sided in one way or another by adopting an older child. After five times in a row, let's just say I am satisfied that it is just part of the process. I'm here to tell you most of it is good, or at least it will be eventually. In fact, it is so good, it is addicting. How do you think I wound up with five?

I wish you all the best of luck and the greatest of blessings in your search.