[lovebirds]

I am looking for Advice?My Husband signed over his rights of a child that he says the woman put his name on the birth certifcate when he was just a teen.He they did not have to prove who the father was up until I had my first Daughter which was in 1993.Now they have to sign papers and all.Which was over 14 years ago.Me and My children never knew of this other child until my 11 year old went to school and another child told her that she had an old sister.
We have went to a laywer and requested that these people have DNA done to prove this and they will not.My Husband told Laywer that this child was adopted and never seen him and that he has never seen then child.Any advice.

[HappyMomAnna]

It is a bit difficult to understand exactly what the issue is...?

If his parental rights were terminated and the child was adopted then what is the problem??? Are they asking that NOW adoption papers need to be signed?

Personally, I wouldn't do anything--pay anything or say anything until someone proves something.

If your husband is the biological father and if there was not actually a termination of his rights and an adoption then it is possible he is being attacked for support?

No matter what I would have the other parties prove whatever it is that they think the truth is and go from there....

[lovebirds]

The rights were given up and the child was adopted.The child is 14 and has never seen any of us his mother thinks we should have relationship with her when we do not feel we should.We all come from two very different backgrounds.The man that adopted the child died and the mother remarried.My husband wants nothin to do with this family.What do you feel can be done?

[HappyMomAnna]

I think that I would just stand my ground.... that If rights were terminated and the child was adopted then it really is all over--for now...It s farily normal for adopted children to seek out the biological parent when they become an adult... but it is also fine that your family is not ready to have a reunion right now....

If your husband does not want a relationship now then he has this right...As the wife I would not manage this because later he might resent you or feel that he made choices to protect you and....well time has the magic of makine people's feelings change....I would try to stay out of it....LET him be the one who makes his choices and then back him up....

The other family has little ground to stand on. People cannot be forced to have relationships with each other. I Would make the other family do and ask for any legal stuff... It won't get very far and it will cost them the money and emotional things...I wouldn't even bother to ask for a DNA test....that would imply that your husband is willing if proven....

If there is no contact wanted then do not react.... Be there for your husband and if he does really deeply want contact then do your very best to understand.... Don't make him choose you over the child....That can come back and hurt you.....Keep in mind that as time passes your husbands feelings may change....that we cannot LOCK someone into a choice forever---he might actually want to know her in a year--two years--five years....He has the right to grow with his feelings.... This child does not mean he feels different about the family he has with you--but he may feel different about his feelings for the child later....Life is Long....

When the child is older the issue of her mother will no longer be valid.... He may want to know the child when the mother is not part of the story any longer..... Your children will need to know about this child someday....hiding it will make them feel insecure and think that there is something Wrong with her--or their father..... Odds are very hight they will learn about this when they are older--you want this info to come from you and your husband delivered in a healthy and supportive way to your children....

sometimes our mistakes and choices from our own past are the best tools we have to teach our children....so they don't make the same kinds of choices in their own lives.....

For now I would just let things be and not worry....and listen to the heart and the words of the man you love.....