[honu]

I was wondering about the initial meeting and time you waited while adopting older children. I'm assuming most older child adoptions are done through state systems, and I'm sure they are different from state to state, but a general idea would be great to hear about. We are adopting from another state so that will probably have an effect also, anyone else adopt out of state?

First, what happened when you first met? Did you just say "hi, nice to meet you" and then talk about the weather and find out info from the case worker? Or did you really get to talk with the child (children) for a while? How many times did you meet with them? Were the foster parents helpful if they were involved?

Then, what happened after being matched, meeting with them, and I guess for sure deciding this is what (or who) you wanted? I don't mean taking them home, but before that happened. What was the wait like? Did you talk to the foster parents more? Did you call the child (children) about anything?

Anything you can contribute would be great. My husband and I just get kind of anxious about the unexpected, me more than him. I'm not much for surprises and always plan and organize most things in my life. My friends always used to joke that I would be one of those Mom's with children dressed beautifully and clean all the time, and I would have all their activities planned, and their rooms would be neat, etc. Anyway, thanks for any info you can share.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

Sorry I can't help you out. I'm going to follow your thread because we are being considered for a 12 y/o and I'm wondering the same things.

Some things I do know about KY:

1. After we review her presentation summary and say we'd like to continue we will have a meeting with everyone involved with the child.

2. After that meeting, if we are still interested in going ahead, they will arrange for an initial visit with her. We were told it would be about an hour meeting (seems reasonable to me since we'll be total strangers).

3. If things go well at that initial visit subsequent visits will be arranged for longer durations and eventually the child spending the weekends with us. She would slowly be transitioned into our home.

I don't like the unknown either and I'm sure I will be very impatient to get her "home." However, I do realize that the slow transition can make all the difference in the world for these children and I'm willing to TRY and be patient to help her adjust to our family as slowly as she needs!

Good luck with your adoption. Hope this helps you a little.

Michelle

[Lorraine123]

My daughter was from PA and we live in MD. We got the phone call that we were the selected family and about 2 weeks after that, we received her profile and talked with her therapist. We went to visit the next weekend.

Meeting her was definitely the most emotional thing I've ever done. We met at her foster home and her worker introduced us as her forever family. She was aware that they were looking for one. We talked with her and then went to her room and played dolls. We stayed a few hours.

The next day we took her to the zoo and to lunch. We told her all about us and our home and she had tons of questions. It really went smoothly.

We then visited almost every weekend. After the first visit, she stayed in the hotel with us. In our case, we visited for 2 1/2 months because they wanted her to finish out the school year. We also called her on the phone almost every evening.

Enjoy getting to know your child. It is such an exciting time.

[iamctb]

We met our 8 and 10 yr old girls at an indoor pizza/amusement type restaurant. There was plenty to do and interact, so it took away some of the awkwardness. We were there for like three hours. Second meeting we had them in our home during thier fall break, so we had 5 days. Then BOOM, decide! We had them three days later!

[J.Ro]

Our kids were in Texas, we're in North Carolina. We got the phone call that we'd been matched on May 27th, then we waited till we got a huge box of file information. The first phone call (can you say...underwhelming) was on June 17th. Then phone calls were more frequent, bi-weekly, always talking to the foster mom as well. Phone calls were awkard, and their foster parents had a huge tv always blaring and it was obvious when the children were more drawn to the tv than the call. That was hard, and kind of weird.

We traveled to meet them the last week of July. We rented a long-term suite and the kids came and stayed with us after meeting us at the airport. We went to their foster home for dinner one night during the stay but that was their only contact for that week. Goodbyes were hard, especially for our son, who held on tight and sobbed at the airport....ugh. The kids flew out with their cw about 10 days later and arrived on August 10th.

We continue to talk weekly to their foster mom and she's been a great help, just for sanity purposes. We really thought this was an excellent family and they were super with the transition. I had to get rid of some clothes because the kids came with so much! Not the garbage bag stories you hear.

Hope this helps, but I'll say every state is probably different.