[jhenrie]

Is there anyone else here that was just considering older children?

That's what we've done/planned, but we feel like we're the ONLY ones!! (Plus, we're young...late twenties.) It seems that every other foster parent we meet (in our area) is DYING to have babies & toddlers placed with them.

When I explained to one foster mom that we were indeed able to have more biological children if we wanted, she replied (loudly), "You're crazy! I wouldn't be doing this if I could have more of my own!"

We're just feeling like we're WAY OUT in left field somewhere, so I'm interested in hearing stories from similiar people.

[Indy]

I am a single parent. I could have adopted a baby. I was offered a three year old last week. I declined.

I do not want to change diapers, give baths, suffer through the terrible 2s-3s, or watch Barney or those for colored little characters. There are people waiting in line to adopt them. I enjoy talking to my sons about cars, careers, girls (except the gigglely 14 year old ones, yuck), basketball, golf, wrestling, video games, etc.

My youngest was 8 when I first started visiting. Now he is 12. Eight was just a little young, as they still need to be watched moreso than a 12 year old. My oldest is 21. He was 16 when he moved in. He now has an apartment of his own and a girlfriend. I miss seeing him everyday. Don't worry...I am not alone. His 6 other brothers keep me more than busy.

You can trace my string back to November, 2000. That is when I first posted. You can see the ups and the downs of many of my peers. Many have come and gone...some are still here. There is much happiness here...but there are also many sad stories.

Playing in left field is not so bad. If nobody played out there, many children would get left behind. I play in left field and am happy there.

Visit www.adoptuskids.com to find your future son or daughter! (am I allowed to post that?)

[jhenrie]

Thanks for your post, Indy! Loved it!! We have a 7 y.o. bio-son, 9 & almost 11 y.o. foster kids, & 2 other soon-to-be adoptive kids--ages 9 & 10 y.o. We're new to this, but yeah, we're in deep already. LOL People have just acted like we were down on our luck in getting "older" placements....& shocked when we tell them that it is by choice!!

[J.Ro]

We never thought of adopting a baby or a toddler. With me being 40 and my partner 47, and both of working (R. from home), an infant or young child just made no sense.

Same as Indy, I like talking about older kid stuff. We hike, ride horses, travel....it would have been hard to do all that with little ones.

Our kids are great. Our daughter become a teenager 2 weeks after her arrival, and we're dealing with some of that typical stuff, but it's mostly good. I highly recommend adopting the older child...they're awesome.

[wenrl]

We are in our late-twenties/early-thirties and fertile, but went into this looking for an older child. We are two working parents and wanted a child who is also "working" (as in going to school while we are at work). We did not want to change diapers, sing Barney songs or any of that. Plus, I have a phobia about babies. I don't know if there is a word for that, but I am scared to hold them, because they seem so fragile. I am scared to get pooped or barfed on. I lose my appetite when I see babies eat and all the runny food squishes out of their little mouths with every bite. Plus, I like to have a conversation with my child rather than hear her scream and wonder if she is hungry or her ear hurts or whatever. I like helping our daughter with her homework, reading to her, playing games or sports or watching her ride her bike. I know it is abnormal not love the baby smell and cute little toes, but it takes all kinds to make the world function at its best. There are too many older kids who need homes and even though we do have some of the stress that comes with adopting an older child with special needs, this is what we prefered from the start.

[bc-adopt]

My wife & I are also only looking to adopt older children out of
foster care, as we feel this is what God is leading us to do. We are pretty much just starting, and trying to find a way to have a home study done in Virginia before spring '05. The agencies we have talked to & researched are completely geared toward infant adoptions. Even the pricing scales reflect dealings with birthmothers, and the agencies have no adjustments they will make for parents whose prospective children will have no parent to contact (foster care). Special needs adoption (older kids) seems like even more of an uphill battle then normal adoptions, even though the need for interested parents is so huge. My wife and I are determined to fighting this battle to the end, when we bring our daughter(S) home. Until then, I am encouraged that there are others who are as "crazy" as we are to consider adopting older children, and are willing to help each other.

[Lindsie]

Originally posted by wenrl
I have a phobia about babies. I don't know if there is a word for that, but I am scared to hold them, because they seem so fragile. I am scared to get pooped or barfed on. I lose my appetite when I see babies eat and all the runny food squishes out of their little mouths with every bite.

I can't believe that you feel this way!
No, not becasue I'm horrified, but because babies make me feel squeamish too! Everyone I know is always appalled that I'm not interested in playing/holding/feeding their baby.

I would love to do an older child adoption but unfortunatly it is pretty much unheard of in Australia unless it is a relative and you get guardianship or something.

[wenrl]

Lindsie,

Thanks for the support! I thought I was the only one! It's good to know there are other babaphobes out there!

I don't really understand how or why older child adoption is so difficult in Australia, but I guess you just don't have the kids alone and in need there like we do? I don't know how that is possible, but I think it's great for the kids, if that is the case. Have you thought of international older child adoption?

Wendy

[honu]

It was really great to read all these posts. My dh and I have decided to try and adopt a sib group of 2-3 kids ages 2-10. I am 29 and dh 37 and we were looked at funny too. Everyone always assumes you mean a baby when you say you want to adopt, but we too enjoy doing things like traveling and hiking and such, so this just made more sense. I kind of wanted to exprience having somewhat young children, to go to the zoo and whatever, and I am still young so this age group seemed good for us. People also think we're crazy for wanting more than one to pop into our lives, but I can't wait! I love kids and love being around them and teaching them and everything. I look forward to learning from everyone here who has already adopt, I'm sure we'll have a million questions once we are matched and actually bring little ones home.

[Lindsie]

Wendy,
I'm not even sure that we can adopt children other than infants & toddlers from overseas. In Australia there is no such thing as TPR(as far as i can work out anyway). At best you can care for a foster child until they are 16, but during that time the parents can make as many applications as they want to have the child returned providing they can think of something that has changed in their lives and the children have contact with their parents throughout. I'm currently trying to get more info in regard to adopting an older child from overseas but no-one seems to know what I mean. I have posted on the Australian forum but received almost no info.

[roxanna425]

I said I wanted school age kids that were toilet trained. With both my partner and I working a baby just didn't make sense. You can also see the temperament of an older child better too and moderately independed children were something we both wanted. My kids are high needs but they go to school and daycare and we take great pains to keep their diet low-sugar and their schedule even. I also thought there would be many people that wanted babies and I preferred an older child. Ironically an older sibling of my siblings is pregnant and her social worker just called and wanted to know if I was interested in parenting the baby. The older sibling is in a therapeutic treatment center. I declined UNLESS anohter aunt or family memeber wasn't found.

[waiting4agirl]

We are deliberately seeking an "older child." I am 50, my husband is 57. We both work full time. Our bio daughter is 22. We want to adopt but we definitely DO NOT WANT to deal with diapers, teething, middle of the night feedings, day care and all that. I also don't want to jump into the teens again right away. I prefer to build up to that.
Therefore, we stated right from the outset that we were looking for an elementary school child.

[jhenrie]

Like roxanna425, we recently declined a legal risk newborn placement. It's interesting, because our "older child" journey has been long & trying, but we get offered a newborn????? But then it seems that people TRYING to get newborns have long & trying waits!

[honu]

Life is funny that way...I'm always telling dh that when we go to a discount store (like Big Lots or Home Goods) we have to get what we see and like. You can't go there expecting to find a great bargain on something specific. He's always making fun of me for buying X-Mas decorations is August, or whatever. I'm not in any way saying you should settle for something you don't want in adopting a child, just a little something to compare looking for something, but finding or being offered everything else that you're not looking for. Does that make sense? Maybe it's too early for me to be typing, lol!

[Crane13]

DH and I are late 20s. Okay... mid-to-late...26 and 27, I wonder what that makes us?

Anyway, we have been fostering for a year now. Our first child was a newborn and since then there have been four other babies under 1 year. Before we had our foster kids, I always thought that I needed babies or at least toddlers. Now with my experience, I think I would opt for 5 and up. We have a four and six year old now, and I am absolutely loving every part: The million quiestions he asks us, the funny things they say, how she sees the world, learning to read, trying not to wet the bed, picking out clothes, taking them to try new things, feeding them veggies, volunteering at her school, swimming lessons, tumbling class. I love it.

I appreciate hearing about other peoples reasons. It is great to know I am not occupying left field all by myself.


Jill