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Originally Posted By Mary

My husband and I are both 48 years old. We have 4 children of our own, a 21 y.o., 18 y.o, 16 y.o. and a 14 y.o. For some reason I feel that we are to adopt a child, am I crazy? I really don't know what to do. I have checked into this during the last 3 months, and found out that we have to take 20 hours of classes, and have a home study done. I knew about the home study.....we live in Indiana...has anyone else our age done this before?

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Hello
My husband is 53, and I am 50 yes others have done this before contact me with any questions, privately
home4child@adopt.com

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Originally Posted By Beth

I can relate. My husband and I have three daughters 22, 20 and 7 and adopted our fourth daughter age 8, a year ago. She was a special needs adoption and has a Special Education eligibility although she attends regular education classes 100% of the day. We also had to go to classes and complete the home study which included having our oldest daughters write letters in support of this adoption. The entire adoption process took 16 months. We were said to be on the "fast track." We officially adopted her one year ago this month. She has brought much laughter and tears to our family. Being an older child she brought alot of her past with her and we are constantly working on issues. She is thriving in our family and we can't believe the tremendous gains she has made since being with us this short time. She requires patience, understanding, consistency, and structure and this is not an undertaking for the faint of heart. Both of you must be totally committed to this endeavor. There are many days when you have to pass the hat and let the other person take over. To give a child a place to call home, love, comfort and security is to be totally unselfish. Enter into this process with your eyes wide open. Get as much background information and educational information as possible. I have been aware of our daughter since she was 3 and we have a wealth of information on her which helps immensely in dealing with the everyday occurrences. The best of luck to you.

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Originally Posted By hallbaby

i have done this for the first time at OUR age! best thing i have ever done!

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Originally Posted By Cheryl

Pray about this. And pray some more. Don't stop praying. Don't pray for what you might want, pray for God to put up a wall if this is not what needs to happen. I believe God gives us the children we are suppose to raise. Whether it is by birth or adoption.

I have adopted three times. The first time we inquired late July and had a 2 month old placed in our home by early December! That was 10 years ago. Private agency, happened that fast because we were willing to take a special needs child. We originally requested an older child. We received an infant because we were willing to parent a Down Syndrome child. Best thing that ever happened to us!! He is just a regular child that happens to have a learning disability. When he was 6 we had placed in our home an older 4 year old boy, now 8 years old. DHS placed him with us. We attended parenting classes taught by the Adoption Specialist. These classed teach you what to expect from the very special children. All will have unresolved issues due to their very different childhoods. We waited for three years for this child. As soon as the adoption was finalized 6 months later while still in the judges chambers we told our social worker to find us a girl. We were presented with several profiles, these were not to be. Almost always someone else beat us to her. Last September we moved into our home a 17 year old girl. She is now 18, finishing one class in high school along with a full load at junior college (dual enrollment).

Apply, do whatever the home study consists of, sit back and wait. If it is meant to be God will provide the child you are to have. After all we can't choose our birth children can we. Learn everything you can about the history of the child, ask questions.

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Originally Posted By Mary

Cheryl - I would really enjoy talking with you about this. I have prayed over and over, and have asked God to give me signs....I have asked him 3 times for this...I have received them, many of them.

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Originally Posted By Cheryl

What would you like to know? I have always been very open on our experiences in adoption.

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Originally Posted By Mary

Cheryl,I have been praying about this for months now. I have asked God to give me 3 signs whether or not to do this. He has given me 5 signs....I'm scared and excited..when I asked my husband about this back in June, he laughed. I have not mentioned anything to him since. I feel as if God is telling me something. Classes start on September 18.....can you tell me anything about the classes? We live in Indiana, we are farmers, and we live on a 295a farm. We farm approximately 1,200a, and I am a teacher at a Christian School in the town where we live. We are both in our late 40's, with 2 children still at home. They are both freshman in HS. Does the agency place who they want in our homes? Should we be foster parents first? Thanks.

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Originally Posted By Cheryl

The agency we used was DHS. We inquired on adoption, filled out the application. Were contacted by letter notifying us at to the time schedule of the parenting classes. Remember theses classes are to present you with an overview of the type children that are in the system. Some of these children have had horrible things happen to them. Some may be in the system because the only relative they had died and no one would take them. We attended five classes. Several of the classes had homework. This consisted of questionaires of the type children you would be able to parent, presented different type situations how would you handle it, etc..., other homework was an autobiography ( we combined it into one document ), some of the homework was to have read certain books before the classes were over etc... By the third class the attendance was less than half. Those that left realized they could not parent a child with baggage. When the classes were over we had already filled out forms for background check with the sheriff's department and the Federal child abuse database ( I don't remember the exact name of the agency right now ) and had set up an appointment to have the social worker make her first visit for homestudy. Now what I am going to say now is strictly my opinion...I feel if a person is willing to parent an older child or a sibling group they will have a child placed in their home a lot faster than a person waiting for the "perfect blonde haired, blue-eyed baby". I have been told that in my state if you adopt a child 15 or older or a sibling group the children are eligible for subsidies until they are out of school or 21 years of age, living on their own...whichever comes first.

As for the prays. You need to take the first step. It is kind of like the old joke where the man prays to win the lottery and week after week he does not win. He prays to God as to why he has won. God tells him he needs to buy a ticket first! Keep and open mind throughout these classes. Be flexible. At our classes we had access to a book of available children in our state. Each week we inquired on different children. This gave our social worker an idea of the type children we thought we could parent. It took two years for us to receive the first child from DHS but during that two years were presented profiles on two different children and inquired on another. I feel we received the child we were suppose to have. This child was taken into custody about the time we were attending the classes and parental rights were terminated two days after he was placed in our home.

Looking forward to talking more. If you want to talk one to one give me your e-mail address.

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Originally Posted By Mary

Cheryl, I would be willing to talk more. Our classes start on September 18 like I said eariler, and go for 8 weeks. The classes are in another town, even though we have a Family & Children's office here, they don't offer classes. They used to and the person retired...(sad). This town is about 25 miles away. e-mail me please - scoobydoo@accs.net In what state do you live?

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Originally Posted By Nancy

Hi Mary,
My husband and I are both 48 and have 2 more classes to complete and then the homestudy before we will adopt a sibling group--we are planning on at least two and no more than 5. We adopted our oldest who is now 30 and have a 23 and 21 year old. Yes, we are probably 'crazy' but we can hardly wait. We feel we are more experienced, better off financially, and much more relaxed, so will be even better parents this time and we did a pretty good job the first time. Good luck!

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Originally Posted By Cheryl

Have you considered volunteer work at a children's shelter or foster parenting? This might give you a feel at to whether this is truly something you want to do. Remember ADOPTION IS FOREVER. Good luck.

Cheryl

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Originally Posted By Doug

Yup been there done that 8 year old at 48 and a 14 year old at 50 I think that you can do a better job as you get older I don't know if I could have done it when I was younger.

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Originally Posted By Holly

i am 53, a widow, and have 3 bios, 28, 29 and 30. also have 3 grandchildren. i have completed my adoptive homestudy and am in the process of adopting 2 girls, 11 and 12. in fact, i am now getting a foster home license so i can have custody of the girls sooner than waiting for the adoption paperwork. i think more older parents should be looking into adoption. we've already been there - done that. the girls said they want to be with me because i understand them. been there - done that.

[beverly gardner]

I was so excited to see these people my age adopting. I have 16 kids and I am 48 years old. We are not done yet. We will adopt again. Most of my kids are special needs. I suggested to some people on the AA post about adopting special needs kids and really got an earfull about trying to make them feel guilty for wanting a healthy child. That wasn't what I was trying to do. Just wanted everyone to keep an open mind about these special kids.