[jakenbry]

I am thinking about putting my 2 year old son up for adoption. I don't know what else to do. I can't do it on my own anymore, I am a sinlge mom and I am raising him on my own, i get no child support I don't qualify for any assistance, I bring home $900 a month, daycare is $400 and my rent is $500. I don't make enough money to support myself. I feel like a failure, I should be able to do this. I don't know what other choice I have. i love him more than anything on this earth, but maybe he would be better off if he was with a good family. if anyone can help of if you are looking to adopt please contact me.

[carriewoman]

Hi,

My first question for you would be do you have any family or friends who could help you out for a while until you get back on your feet? Adoption is a great choice if it is one you want to make. I would suggest getting as much information on adoption as possible before you make the decision. Have you talked to anyone about your thought on adoption yet? Maybe a counselor or a pastor or priest. Most adoption agencies have people who can send you information about how an agency works. There are also independent adoptions, in which you hear of someone looking to adopt and if it is the right choice for you, the process is handled generally through attourneys.
In these forums people can not inquire about adopting your child, but they can be very helpful about offering information of what steps to take.
Hopefully things will work out for the best for you and your son, just make sure you get all the information you can and make the choice you feel best about. If there is anything I can send you information on let me know, maybe we could find someone there locally to help inform you of all of your options.
Best of luck to you!
Carrie

[Just Julie]

Wow! This really jumped out at me. I see this is your first post. I don’t know if you have been reading some in this forum before but I suggest you read many of the posts from birthmothers. Many express the anguish of having given their children for adoption and now perhaps regretting that decision or going through agony due to lack of contact or info on the child. I also suggest you read posts from adoptees to get their perspective which can be agonizing as well. I am not in your situation, but I hear your desperation. I am not saying you should not follow through on adoption. You say you love your son more than anything, He is attached to you, and there will be some inevitable pain for both of you if you separate.

Financial security does not make a happy, healthy childhood. That comes from a loving parent even if it means beans and reconstituted dry milk three times a day, second-hand clothes, and no gifts for Christmas. Love can overcome just about anything. I encourage you to pray, think long and hard, and see what other options you may have. Poverty is often a temporary situation. Adoption is permanent.

God bless you. Julie

[Joy in the morn]

Dear jakenbry,

Wow honey, it doesn't sound to me like you want to put your baby up for adoption!

You say you are not eligible for help, but I wonder if you are really aware of what might be out there to help you.

Do you have church family that can help you?
Have you contacted your local housing authority for a housing choice voucher?
Have you determined if your state has child-care assistance available?
Have you spoken to your employer about your dilemma?
Have you told every human being you can that you need help? Many times people would help if they knew of a need.

I am looking to adopt, but I would never want a child obviously wanted by the mother. In that case I would rather help her find the help she needs.

Don't give up because it is hard, but don't be afraid to look for help and ask for it. Shocking as it is to the modern woman, we weren't meant to raise our children alone. You are not a failure, it just takes a lot to raise a child in this world. Since the father is not available, there needs to be other people in your life to help. I would look to your church first. If you don't have a faith community, it might be a good time to start looking.

Best of luck to you and may the Lord show you a way.

Joy in the morn

Psalm 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning

[suzee]

Hi. Wow. You are really in a tight spot, huh? I wish I could help you more, but just knowing someone is pulling for you hopefully will help a little. Just know whatever you do that it is YOU that must make the decision. I think it would be incredibly hard to imagine life w/out your son after living together for 2 years, but I am not in your position, so I can't say for sure. I placed my son up for adoption right after he was born, and the only time we got to spend together was in the hospital. It was still pretty tough to go through with it, but I did what was best for both of us at the time. Try to look at the big picture and realize that no matter what you choose, it will work out. Do you have family and friends you could stay with to save up some money? Does the child's father have a job so that you could legally get child support? Best of luck to you no matter what you do. Sincerely, Susie

[Sharon]

jakenbry,
if you tell me what community you live in, I will be happy to find out if there are social services there that can help you and your child, and give you some numbers to call. Someone may have told you that you "don't qualify for assistance", but they were lying. If your rent itself is more than half your income, and childcare is the other half, then you absolutely do qualify for assistance. Maybe you just haven't contacted the right people or asked the right questions yet. Also, you are entitled to child support from your son's father. If he doesn't wish to pay it, the state can garnish his wages. If he refuses to work, they can put him in jail.
Please feel free to email me or PM me, and I'll be happy to try to get some contacts for organizations in your area that can help you get back on your feet.
Best wishes, ~ Sharon

[lookwithlove]

Jakenbry,

I know that you must feel completely confused and alone. We are all here to help you. I was place for adoption when I was 4 and adopted when I was 5. While there are many sucessful adoptions, my life was extremely difficult. I have since re-united with my bmom who also chose to keep one child and to put two up for adoption. My sister who stayed with my mom, had a difficult childhood due to finiancial situations, but always had our mother's love. I was given the world on a silver platter, but can say that I would have given that all up in a heartbeat to be and feel the love of my mother. Your bond with your son has been set in his heart forever, while he may go on to lead a productive, happy, stable life, he will always long for that special bond between you two. Our lives can change in an instant, tomorrow your circumstances may be totally different. You really need to think about this. Our decisions form our lives and the lives of many others everyday, but the decision is ultimately yours. None of us have walked a day in your shoes. I want you to know that there are many of us willing to help you. Feel free to e-mail me anytime and as often as you want. I really believe that when ever there is a problem, there are always solutions. You may now see only one possible solution. I can try to help you find more. When you can clearly see all the options, then you will be in a better position to make a good decision, even if you chose to give up your son so that he can be "better" provided for. I will support you and be here for you no matter what you decide will be best for you. Please let me know if I can lend ear or help in anyway. I know that this time of year can be even more stressful then most. Know that I care.

Hugs,

Kelley

[sandy pisano]

When my son was born, I was 19. Had to work also. Very tough. But my saving grace was Catholic Charites had a program that help with daycare expenses. I remember the daycare costing around $400.00 and I only paid $20.00. I believe maybe orginizations like United Way or your local state assistance office should be able to help you. I wish you the best and hope it all works out.

[greene_79]

Originally Posted by jakenbry

I am thinking about putting my 2 year old son up for adoption. I don't know what else to do. I can't do it on my own anymore, I am a sinlge mom and I am raising him on my own, i get no child support I don't qualify for any assistance, I bring home $900 a month, daycare is $400 and my rent is $500. I don't make enough money to support myself. I feel like a failure, I should be able to do this. I don't know what other choice I have. i love him more than anything on this earth, but maybe he would be better off if he was with a good family. if anyone can help of if you are looking to adopt please contact me.

Jakenbry,
Since your last reply on here Hopefully you have found some help if not ...how are things going? if you still need assistance you can call your local mission and local churches and ask if they have any assistance programs for you to sign up for some go by income and some just give you free food and other items you may need,like car seats and clothes and shoes for you and your kid. I really hope you get the help you need and deserve. Let us know how things are going ...God Bless you in whatever choices you make ....

[greene_79]

Originally Posted by greene_79

Jakenbry,
Since your last reply on here Hopefully you have found some help if not ...how are things going? if you still need assistance you can call your local mission and local churches and ask if they have any assistance programs for you to sign up for some go by income and some just give you free food and other items you may need,like car seats and clothes and shoes for you and your kid. I really hope you get the help you need and deserve. Let us know how things are going ...God Bless you in whatever choices you make ....

Hey was looking at all my posts and was wondering how you were doing Hopefully all is well in your life...Hope to hear good news from you soon..Love 2 you and yours & GOD BLESS

[abensonslaton]

Just wanted to send you (((HUGS))) and lots of them. Keep us posted as we will all be thinking of you and hoping that you get the help you need and want.
Angela
Adopted open domestic son 2003
What prego!! son 2005
What prego!! daughter 2006
Yes crazy and hoping to adopt again soon

[DPline]

This origional post was made on 11-6-2003.

This is a very old thread that was just bumped to the top.