[goattrainer]

My family has just found out that my cousin has been doing crack for the past several years. The same cousin has a little girl that is in temporaty custody of her grandmother. Her father is an illegal alien, and is out of the picture, as far as we know.

My cousin gave up drugs while she was pregnant, then returned to them after the child was born. The child is in fine health.

Nothing is for sure. My cousin isn't in a rehab program yet, we all hope she really wants off the drugs, but have a sinking feeling that she dosen't, based on her actions. As of now she must have supervised visitations, with her daughter. She does not want to give her daughter up at this point.

DH and I are considering adopting her IF (obviously) her mom will give her up. We are in our early to mid twenties, no other children. My BIL (16) lives with us.

My questions are:

1) What is involved with adopting a relative?

2)Is it easier/harder than an unrelated child?

3) Do we become foster parents first?

4) What rights does her father have, since he is illegal?

5) Roughly, how much cost are we looking at?

6) I assume that we, as relatives, would be given preference over unrelated people. Is that correct?

Any thoughts, suggestions or hints would be appriciated!!

Thanks

[DCMomLady]

Hi, goattrainer.

I don't have answers for all of your questions but I can help get you started.

First, the relative preference in adoptive placement is a federal law that applies only if the little girl was taken from her mother by CPS or a Child and Family Services agency. If the child has not been removed from her mother's custody, then mom makes all the decisions as to whether to relinquish for adoption and to whom. She can pick anybody she wants as long as they complete the necessary home studies, etc.

If the child was taken from her mother and placed with her grandmother, it is probably under an agreement called Kinship Care. For this, you do not have to be an approved foster parent but you also don't get the same financial benefits and other services. Kinship care providers are thoroughly investigated and home studies are required before the child is placed. Some relative caregivers do take the foster parent classes and become licensed foster care providers; but you don't have to and I did not.

Most kinship care placements are interim placements meant to offer the child's parents an opportunity to complete parenting classes, drug rehab and other requirements before reunification. Adoption is not a goal unless and until the state has determined that the parents will not perform the case plan and a decision is made to legally terminate their parental rights.

Regarding your cousin's "illegal" birthfather: I don't think that citizenship is a requirement for fatherhood. If your cousin knows who the father is, I'm guessing she must name him and his parental rights will have to be terminated before the child can be adopted. Even if he is absent or unwilling, there are ways to terminate his rights. If there isn't an agency handling the adoption, you will need the advice and help of a good adoption attorney.

In my adaughter's case, we hired an attorney to represent her and make sure that her "best interests" were protected throughout the long process from state intervention through termination of both of her parents' rights. That attorney was made her Guardian ad Litum, confirmed by the court. He was invaluable, in my opinion. It was money well-spent to make sure that this little girl didn't become another victim of "the system" -- a system of laws and procedures that we knew nothing about! And having him on our payroll gave us access to the process that I doubt we would have had otherwise.

The total cost is really hard to estimate for you because there are so many variables. We spent about $10 grand on Her Sweetness' legal bills but that didn't even include the adoption costs which were paid by another relative as a gift to my family.

Just a Reminder: If your cousin simply "left" her baby with her mother, Mom can come back and take her child away at any time. Grandma would have no legal claim to keep the child unless she goes to court and gets temporary guardianship or some other form of custody established.

I'm not an attorney. I always tell people that hiring one was the smartest thing I did when my family faced the crisis that you're facing now.

I hope that I've said something that was worth the time you've spent reading this l-o-n-g post!

DeeCee

[goattrainer]

DCMomLADY,

Thanks for your post. It gives a lot of insight and plenty to think about.

I guess I just assumed that since her birthfather was not even a citizen that our govornment would not recognize his rights. I suppose the fact that this is not the case can be good and bad.

Thanks again,

goattrainer