[Feb88]

I just want to thank all of you (especially Mackie) who helped me with my search, answered my questions and offered me support. Unfortunately the end of my search was not a happy one. I sent a letter to my bmom and when I didn't hear back, sent a registered letter which she refused to accept. Everyone here has been so supportive and helpful and I appreciate each and every one of you who has given me me their time.
Feb

[douglas t.]

Feb88, I have recently begun my seach, don't give up hope, perhaps she's not the one who refused the letter!

[Mackie]

Its always my pleasure to assist when I can and we did everything right. Too bad she didn't feel like taking your letter at this time.
As I said to you in my email......I will Pray for God to trouble her heart and at least cause her to see she needs to give you an answer to your mail.

I know this was devastating to you and I also know after so many years of doing these searches that no matter how well prepared one thinks they are........a search brings about emotions that are beyond belief.
You are in my prayers dear one.
Blessings
Mackie

Originally Posted by Feb88

I just want to thank all of you (especially Mackie) who helped me with my search, answered my questions and offered me support. Unfortunately the end of my search was not a happy one. I sent a letter to my bmom and when I didn't hear back, sent a registered letter which she refused to accept. Everyone here has been so supportive and helpful and I appreciate each and every one of you who has given me me their time.
Feb

[Angelwings2002]

I am sorry things didn't work out the way all of us hope they will. Keep us updated, and we will keep you in our prayers. (((((((hugs)))))

[Feb88]

I don't have any false hopes. She is the one that signed to refuse the letter. I'm sure she has her reasons which she believes are more important than my need to know about her and the circumstances of my birth. I will respect that and pray that she will have a change of heart...

[douglas t.]

I am sorry I didn't realize she was the one that signed, I will pray for you in hopes things will change in the future, good luck & god bless

[Feb88]

Several weeks ago I received a letter from my bmom. She began the letter with "Please don't do this to my family". I've spent a lot of time thinking about that statement and no matter whether she is that mean spirted or just insensitive, it's pretty clear that blood does not make you part of the family. The remainder of the letter was not much better. She went on to tell me a tale of how she was raped, she doesn't know who my father is(even though she allowed him to take her home) and no one knew about me(even her twin sister). Without going into the whole long story, it's safe to say to say that there were many questionable statements that lead me to believe she was not truthful. Most of the letter was spent telling me how bad her life had been and the self-pity was a recurring theme. There was absolutely no interest in me, my life, my son or anything. She just wanted me to let her keep her secret and basically go away. I've never responded to her and have no intentions of doing so.

When I heard nothing from my bmom, I had written to my half sister. That letter would have probably crossed in the mail with the one from my bmom. Well, I haven't heard a word from her either...like mother, like daughter.

After a lot of thought, I've decided that the best thing that could have happened to be was to be rejected. True, I'll never know who my father is and much more than names of my maternal birth family--but that's OK. Based on the little exposure I've had to them, I'd never have fit in any way. I'm not good at keeping secrets and couldn't abide their clannish ways. I feel so fortunate to have been raised in the family I have. Things would have been so different if my bmom had not given me up for adoption. After all those years of wondering, I have some answers that give me complete appreciation of the life I have. I'm where I should be! I will spend every day of my life being thankful for the life I have and don't have to wonder any more about whether she's looking for me and what my life could have been like.

My initial intent was to tell my son about his bio family and genealogy. I'll never do that now. I've destroyed the documents I accumulated in my search. It was a way of letting go. If he wants to search them out later on his own, I'll give him names and leave it at that. He will never hear anything negative from me about them. I seriously doubt he ever will search but if he does I want him to go into it with an open mind in the hope that the next generation will be more accepting.

All that said, I have to admit I'm still curious about what they look like! It's funny, I don't want to know them anymore but would like to see them. Maybe some day I'll take a road trip and do some snooping or hire a PI to get some photos...