[koon38]

For those of you who don't know my story, I am a reunited adoptee, who still has my share of walls to break through for searching. I found my bmom's sister, brother, aunt's daughter and her two kids, uncle's three kids, and my half brother. My bmom is schizophrenic and took off for good in 1993. Also, she is the only one who knows for sure who my bdad is. But things are going great with the family that I have found.

My aunt told me about how her father took off on them after her parents divorced. She got to meet her one month old half sister before he took off, and she always wondered how she was. She has not seen her father since she was 11. I searched and found her sister(my other aunt) in a couple days time. She contacted her and they spoke for a while. She said that she always knew she had family here in Ohio, (she is in WV) so it's not like it was that big of a shock to her. We also found her brother there too. Recently I decided to call her for the first time. It was awkward because neither of us knew what to say, but she told me to email her. I did, and I wrote out a long, get to know you email with pictures and even asked if she wanted this reunion at all just to make sure. She emailed me back the next day, and I got all excited. When I opened it up, it said "Hi Rob, here's Ricky's email, and add us to your MSN messanger." That's it, THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE. I thought, well she has three kids, maybe she'll write back when she has more time. It's been about three weeks and nothing. I wrote her brother a small email that just said to write me back, nothing.

I guess my question is do I even bother wasting my time with these people. As it turns out old grandad did the same to them and took off. I found her after she posted on ancestry.com looking for family. I thought she would be eager to reunite, but now I don't know. She was very nice to me, but you can't get to know someone if they don't even respond to you at all.

Frustrated in Ohio,

Rob

[BrandyHagz]

Rob,

It’s hard to know what other people are thinking and feeling, especially in reunion! Did you add her to your MSN Messenger? She may be the kind of person that doesn’t feel comfortable writing emails and prefers to talk in real time, hence the invitation to add her to MSN Messenger. Also, she may be at a loss as to what to say…or she may not be able to come up with the right words to say how she feels. Sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand…she could just not care…and she could be relying on your to carry the relationship.

It sounds to me like you were really expecting a lot more from her than she was able to give…(the long thought out response) and that in itself can destroy the reunion before it even gets off the ground!

I’d suggest sending her another email…maybe with less info, something light and airy. Ask her how she’s doing…tell her you look forward to talking to her on MSN, and leave it at that. It kinda puts the ball in her corner!

Good luck!

[koon38]

So since I added my aunt to my MSN messanger, I have now chatted with her 12 yr old daughter. We chatted for quite a while last night, and she says that her mother is really excited about knowing her family here. I guess she doesn't know how to show it. Her daughter seems really nice,and her mom explained to her who I was and everything. So I guess I will have to take it one step at a time for now. As far as the uncle goes, apparently he doesn't even respond to his sister's calls or emails, so I won't get upset about not hearing from him.

That's it for now,

Rob

[StarryNight™]

Rob, try not to jump to conclusions just yet hon. I had a similar problem, I found my birth family, and talked to birthmom on the phone for like two hours when she called the night before my birthday this year... Then did not hear from her for over two months, then she sent me an xmas card. Along with a nice note. I was soo happy. But during that time it was driving me nuts wondering what I said wrong. But the first line out of her letter was "I am still not sure what to say." That spoke volumes to me! But she kept on with a two page letter. (Guess it wasn't a note.) Before that my half sister on her side talked to me twice on the phone. Told me her email address and said when she was back up and running that she would keep in contact. This was two months ago as well.) However, I have not heard anything from her other then an invitation to join Yahoo messenger. (I have MSN, AOL, and ICQ what's one more lol) Anyway, I added her to my buddy list and called her to tell her to feel free to email me/ring me online. We set up a time to chat which there was a 4 day gap between that call and when we were to chat then the day came and I cleared my schedule, she was a no show. I don't know if she forgot or what. I can tell you I am going to sit it out. I was like you have a sister, don't you want to get to know me? It seems since she has always wanted one she would take advantage of the situation. Hopefully your family will come around. Mine will have to deal with me next year as I will be moving into their area because my dh is from there. (Ironically) Let us know what happens. If you feel the need to vent by all means pm me. Hugs.

[koon38]

Thanks, Starry. It's not even for me so much that I worry about, it's my aunt. Here I found the sister she always wondered/worried about, and there doesn't seem to be any effort on her part to have contact. Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it.

Rob

[Angelwings2002]

Hi Rob,
I too have a communication problem with my bfamily. Even after almost 19 yrs of being reunited.
My one brother whom I have yet to meet ...and pesronally feel I never will told me one time..." what seems to you as me ignoring you is a lack of intrest". I always thought when and if I was found it would be a constant wave of communication from both sides of the bfamily. Unfortunately it hasn't turned out that way at all. I have felt from day 1 that I was the one doing all the communicating and getting nowhere. Eventually I just gave up. I figured if they wanted to communicate they would have put forth as much effort as I did.
On the other hand ..my one cousin said to me "I don't talk to you ,because I do not know what to say to you, you are a stranger to me".
We ARE total strangers to these people. I wish you lots of happiness in your reunion..its just starting out and maybe they also do not know what to say.
As far as you talking with your 12 yr old cousin thats great!!!!! ...keep it up..maybe if the rest of the family sees the communication flowing between the 2 of you they will join in. Don't give up...this is new to all of you...

[koon38]

Well, all this time I thought that my b-uncle in WV was ignoring me I was wrong. Apparently he does the same thing I do, and forgets to sign off MSN messanger. He came on there just about an hour ago and I IM'd him. He actually responded. I chatted with him for quite a while, and he invited me to visit if I ever pass through his area. So I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed after all. Hopefully this turns out to be a good thing. That's it for now.

Rob

[koon38]

Well, I finally chatted online with the aunt who has not been very open so far. We chatted for over an hour. I started with her daughter, then she came on. It was really nice. Well, that's it for now.

Rob

[BrandyHagz]

Rob,

I am glad to hear things are headed in the right direction!