[copswife166]

Hello All.
My foster baby is going on her first overnight visit with her biological mom tomorrow. I have such mixed emotions. We knew this was a reunification case from the very beginning. She's been here since September and we are so in love with her. Her mom has been compliant and has been working her plan and seems to be getting things in order. It is clear to me that she loves and cares for this little girl very much. She's always fed, changed and happy when she returns from visiting. I am so happy for her and her mom to be moving in a positive direction, but sad as I know she's leaving soon. I am really going to miss her. The next court date is in early December and the case worker feels that the judge may send her home. The worker has mentioned that the mom is a really sweet woman who she likes very much and that some families, biological and foster do keep contact. Does anyone have any experience with this? She feels the mom will be open to having contact with us. I would love to continue to see this little girl, but I'm scared too. Thanks for listening.-Kate

[JJemail1]

When our baby was reunified, we were prohibited from any contact by the rehab program that the mother was in. We sent her a lifebook with our phone number in it but she never called. I'll never know why and it's still painful to wonder how the baby we raised from birth is doing.

Having said that, if your FD's mom is willing to keep in touch, I would try to develop a relationship now by dropping a simple card in the baby's bag this week. Just say hello, maybe mention anything notable about the baby (teething lately, etc.), and provide your number as a point of contact if you're comfortable with doing so (you also should run the idea by the caseworker). Maybe others will disagree with me but I strongly feel that establishing contact before the child is reunified is best as bios can easily write you off after reunification. I feel that we are not a "real" people to them unless there's some correspondence and/or a relationship prior to reunification.

Either way, God bless you for your service to this baby and family and I hope and pray that a baby you can "keep" is on the way soon!

P.S. have you designated yourself as an adoption home or "select home" in addition to foster/adopt home? If not, I would encourage it (sometimes legally free and/or Safe Haven babies are placed in select homes)--you can do so through your resource worker.

Best wishes,
Jennifer

[NJMama]

I keep in touch with many of the children (well, mostly their parents or grandparents, depending on where they are now) who we fostered over the years. We still love all of them, and still think of them often - whether or not we know where they are now and how they are doing. But it really is nice to hear from them from time to time. I have recently connected with 3 bio moms of children we fostered through Facebook. Its great because I get to see pictures of the kids and hear little updates on how things are going in their lives. I agree 100% with Jen that its best if you can open the line of communication before the reunification occurs, and her idea about dropping a note this weekend is perfect. I make it a practice for my young foster children to always send notes with updates and lots of pictures on every visit they have. I invite the parents from the beginning to do the same - send me notes with any questions, etc. and I ask them to give me a picture of them so I can put them in the child's room, crib, whatever. . . . It will be very sad when she leaves, but you will also be amazed at how rewarded you feel to know you have been there to help a child in need. I hope the first overnight goes well!!

[kikismom]

When I had my first newborn fs. His parents actually made appointments in the dental office that i worked in. The cw said to have everyone in the office to call me by another name while they were there. I was panicking because I just didnt know why they were there. Did they know it was me or was it a coincidence? Well a week after the baby went home to pgm. I went to a carnival and I was pushing a double stroller when I heard a very familiar whine... It was my ffs who recognized me. He was about 3 feet from me and had his arms up for me to pick him up. I bent down and hugged him and then I introduced myself, ever since then the family gives me updates and when they come to the dentist they either bring me a picture or they bring my ffs so I can see him!!! I am very happy for this relationship.

[msgypsylee]

I have a great relationship with my former FD's mom. As soon as baby was places at 3 weeks, I opened the lines of communication. I would send letters and updates, pics etc with every visit. When mom entered residential rehab, I sent her my address and we would write to each other. When FD was reunited, while devestating for me, it was easier because I new the type of person her mom was and knew she was working hard. We kept in touch all through her stay at rehab and she would even let FD come stay for weekend visits and go on summer vacation with my family. She has since moved to the area where I live (she was from here originally) and we see each other regularly. I consider myself very lucky and its been good for them too.

[mamala]

We had a situation similar to yours but ffd was with us from birth to 10mo. She only had 1 overnight before RU.

INITIALLY after RU, all contact was cut off as everyone involved felt birthmom needed to show she could handle things on her own. But after 2mo (at ffd's birth date) we (us & cw) agreed it may be okay to have contact IF birthmom was willing and wanted it. She was. We then maintained contact (1-2 time/month visits and texts/pictures in between) for another 6mo until birthmom moved to the midwest. Mom continued to keep in touch even then, but 7 weeks later, ffd landed in foster care again and the state she was in retained jurisdiction of the case.

We are in regular contact with the current foster parents even though birthmom has cut us off. (I should note that we went to court and got legal standing in the case--or we'd have no clue who the fps were nor access to visit ffd).