[RobinR]

Beautifully said Jennifer. My family is also multicultural (Caucasian and Hispanic) and multireligious (Jewish/Catholic/Atheist). We work hard every day to reinforce with our 6 year old bio son and will with our 2 month old foster son that everyone is inherently valuable, regardless of race, culture, class, ethnicity or religion. That said, differences exist and must be valued and respected, not ignored. Race-blind, class-blind, etc. are neither realistic, nor respectful in my mind.

I believe that we must be able to honestly respect our foster or adopted children's birth family and culture in order for the children to be able to do so. It is not something to which lip service can be paid. And without that respect for where they come from, children will not respect themselves.

Robin

[copswife166]

All excellent points, Jennifer. Thank you adding to this discussion. Very thought provoking!-Kate

[sandysis]

Very well said, Jennifer. I'm so glad to see discussions on race here. It's so important for our kids that we take race seriously, since that is their experience.

Enjoying the conversation,

sandysis
mom to 4, including 2 children of color

[mamala]

Jennifer, that post really resonated with me. Our adoptive daughter is Hispanic and we are always praised for what people consider "saving" her from her life with her birth parent.

Our daughter was actually given up at birth--not removed. Her mother was a very courageous and religious woman who carried a child conceived under horrible circumstances and made sure she was born here in the US to have a better life. We've had a horrible time figuring out how to paint her birthmother as the woman she was without divulging the circumstances of conception that would make our daughter feel horrible about herself.

But that part of the post talking about people's reactions is SO TRUE. When we fostered AA children and obviously Hispanic children, we only got a taste of it. In fact, I was fostering an AA infant and got a full blast of attitude from two AA women in Walmart telling me how I need to "stop stealing their babies--there's a reason God didn't give you your own". Now, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut (I grew up the minority in an AA neighborhood) so I promptly told them that if they would like to get licensed as foster parents so that this child had an AA foster home to go to, I would give them the number to call... (it went over like a lead balloon, btw)

But with Lala being adopted, it's a lot worse and more frequent. The assumptions people make are remarkable. Because she's Hispanic, they want to know where she's from. When I tell them "Newark" they say "No, but before that" or "But where were her parents from". I know what they mean, but it's constant and annoying. It is only because we love her like our own that we can deal with it with annoyance (and occasionally delight in toying with them) instead of resentment. In fact, the criticism extends to our bio son--where people assume he's adopted, too; and they want to know "his story". The worst is when they say "But he's yours--right?". Ummm, yeah--they're both mine. "But you know what I mean..."

And I agree that you really need to ask yourself: if you adopted a child outside of your race and found out that the next child that came up was of your race--would you feel like "DARN IT! I should've held out!"? I think sometimes people get so tired of waiting for a child that we will "settle" in desperation... and it's not a good thing.