[6kidsforme]

Our daughter was with us for almost 11 months. The bmom did not want the baby, the bdad did but he has no job, never offered support, he is truly a horrible person (I can't get into specifics). ANyway, the baby stayed here almost since birth and yesterday the judge ruled that she go with the birth father. (Because you know...biology is more important than the well being of a baby).
I am looking for support groups, has anyone joined one for "foster" parents or parents grieving over a failed adoption after so long?
As you can imaginem the pain is unbearable. Thankfully we have 7 other children, but they are grieving something fierce too.

Thank you.

[JJemail1]

This is absolutely devistating--I can't imagine the pain and my prayers are with you and your family.

Has the baby been moved yet? If not, If I were you I would strongly advocate for a graduated transitional plan(starting with supervised visits and graduating to day visits and overnights prior to final reunification). The caseworkers should be doing this anyway but, since it's not mandated by law, they are not required to. I thinnk it's really important that, to the extent one can, foster parents really encourage this type of aggressive transition plan as it is the best bet to help the baby adjust and it may offer a thread of hope for continued contact after the adoption (i.e. if you are able to take the baby to the visits and meet the father, exchange information, etc.).

As for support groups, you might try calling Foster and Adoptive Family Services at 1-800-222-0047. I really commend you for seeking help. This is one of the greatest losses a person can have in my opinion and I'm just so sorry for you and your family.

Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Jennifer

[MassachusettsMom]

I am so sorry for your family's loss. We have been there. If you are not able to find a support group in your area, seriously consider therapy. We found it to be very helpful after we lost our former FS. You might need to do some shopping, though -- it took us three therapists to find one who "got" that we had suffered a real loss. Good luck and our thoughts are with you!