[JJemail1]

We just finished our homestudy update to be considered for either high-risk (children with adoption as a case plan and/or TPR in-progress) or adoptable children ages 0-9 with the hopes of expanding our family. I have no idea what to expect from Trenton--we've gotten a few calls here and there over the last 5+ years but it was never the right time)--but I'm excited to start a new, hopefully less stressful, journey. We've had some tough cases --I wonder if/how a more direct adoption of a child or children who are already free for adoption will differ.

Any insight is welcome!
Jennifer

[irelady10]

I don't have much insight to give you, but want to wish you well on your new journey!

I'm interested in what others will reply, though...do you happen to know if you can you go this route and fost/adopt at the same time?

Eileen

[Joei_in_NJ]

No insight either just wanted to say congrats and as always keep us posted - also wanted to thank you for always being there (((big hugs))))

[JJemail1]

Thanks for the well-wishes! Irelady, yes you can do both--you just have to specify it in your home study and/or make sure your caseworker knows and that Trenton has your home study (if they don't have it, your Resource Family Worker can forward it to them). Typically, they like home studies to be less than 1 year old. My contact in Trenton advised me some time ago that if we were wanting a younger child (under 5) that we should just do foster/adopt as they rarely see young children. BUT, contrary to her advice, we were contacted over the past couple of years about three children under 3 years old (it just wasn't the right time for one reason or another). Anyway, we're fairly open and fine with waiting but we are definitely excited that the home study part is done. I forgot how much work home studies are!...Dr. references for all of us, school reference for our daughter, employer references, personal references, home inspection, three in-home interviews. Again, so glad it's done!

Thanks, again. It will be interesting to see if anyone else has experience with an adoption from Trenton.

Jennifer

[mamala]

We're about to finalize on an adoption through Trenton. When we first licensed, we licensed through the foster unit AND the adoptive unit. Our intent was to foster through the foster unit until our forever child came through the adoptive unit because the reality is that foster kids usually leave.

Our requirements were just that the child be younger than our son (5yo this past January), any race, multiple acceptable problems/history issues--but couldn't be severe special needs (severe Cerebral Palsy, wheelchair bound due to our home, etc--because we already have one SN kid, although looks like he will ultimately be mild at this point). We were licensed in Feb. '07. We got our first call from Trenton in April '08 and the child had something in her history we specifically put on our "not acceptable" list.

We got another call about 2 months later for a preemie newborn. The placement workers seemed frantic and harried... apparently the mother was from PA and so she wasn't exactly on NJ's radar but somehow NJ caught up to her--I don't remember the whole thing, but they were scrambling to find an adoptive home for this little one before he was to be discharged in a day or two. They were going to do the supervisory at our house when they brought him. When I heard his issues, we were totally fine with it but felt the need to remind them we weren't a med frag/SHSP home. They told us not to worry--it was adoptive (not foster) and therefore we would be trained in any relevant healthcare stuff. Okey-dokie. We found out a half hour before his arrival that not only was he not going to arrive, but would never arrive. They didn't say why he wouldn't be moved to us after he was cleared--just "Good luck with your search." click. I was STUNNED. Literally--they wouldn't answer the question. Just "good luck with your search." click. Just a 3 weeks before we said goodbye to a ffd we'd had from birth to 10mo (a case that they swore couldn't possibly end in RU--and thankfully we knew by then not to believe DYFS predictions about case endings). While we were happy for the RU, it was still really hard to say goodbye to her... and then this. Ugh...

THEN we had some problems because our former RW put us on hold for both foster and adoptive and claimed it was our request. > That didn't get cleared up until late August '08. I called Trenton in Sept. to make sure all was cleared up and the contact there said "While I have you on the phone, let me look at your information". She proced to tell me that since we would only take 1 child and only wanted "mild special needs" (a term that has never been uttered from our lips nor is on the Type of Child Acceptable form) that they would never have a child for us. I told her to keep us active just in case.

Then it bugged me. BOTH kids they matched us with, we were willing to go through with. The first one had history we specifically excluded and we were STILL willing to go through with it, but because she was 2yo and couldn't walk--we wanted a specialist to review an MRI that DYFS had done that showed an abnormality. DYFS said we could do that, but they were going to move ahead with another family in the interest of timeliness for permanency of this child. The second went to a med frag home. How could they say they'd never have a child for us when they HAD 2 matches???

I called my RW's boss (RW was now no longer our RW, but boss was the same) and she agreed: we were by no means looking for "mild" cases and she really didn't feel our acceptable stuff was so limiting. I noted the term the woman in Trenton used ("mild special needs") and noted that I was sure my former RW planted that in Trenton. She said the RW never spoke to Trenton and I reminded her that the RW HAD to speak to Trenton to put us on hold. Hmmm... She told me to give her 2 weeks to look into it.

She never called back. I have a good relationship with her and I could've called her at any time if it was that big of a deal to me, but really, I just made peace with never adopting through DYFS.

Six weeks later we got a call from Trenton about our stbad. She was presumably healthy and legally free (neither wound up being true, of course--it's a DYFS case and those just don't exist, right?). They called around 5pm on a Friday night and by 7pm had us cleared to visit her in the hospital. She was 2 weeks old. We were STUNNED--we expected to get a 2-4yo (our son was about to turn 5yo). Never a newborn. We spent the weekend wondering if they'd call on Monday and say "we didn't really go through the proper protocols--sorry!". We visited her in the hospital which was tough because they never gave us her name and we couldn't go up without a patient name (we eventually got a nurse on the phone to check through all the consent forms to find OUR name and give us the baby's name--she didn't actually have one).

Beyond that, my issues were with the local adoptive unit--not Trenton. Suffice it to say, NOT. GOOD. But getting a lot better since a change in staff.

She was 9mo yesterday and is a beautiful little Hispanic girl (we think 100% but dad is unknown). She by no means has the most serious issues--they are totally manageable with what we already deal with in our bio son. And she's been with us from the hospital. Her parents were TPR'd earlier this summer (mom signed all the relinquish papers but didn't go to court; dad is unknown) and now we're just waiting for a document for the consent package and the end of the 45-day appeal period to finalize.

It has NOT been a fun journey. In fact, it hasn't really been much different from fostering in most ways. Seriously. There has been just as much misinformation, miscommunication, back-stabbing and lying as you get in some of the foster cases. But again--that was the local adoptive unit, not Trenton. I actually never had a problem with Trenton.

[mamala]

I forgot to say GOOD LUCK!!!!

[QueenEsther]

JJ, good luck!!

[JJemail1]

Thanks, everyone and especially Mamala for your story! We really need to go into this with realistic expectations--perhaps no expectations! --and your story reminds me that this route may be tough no matter how we go about it and that we have to take any advice from Trenton, CWs, etc. with a grain of salt because the "imppossible" has proved possible many times over (and vice versa I guess).

Thanks, again, for sharing your experience and congratulations on your upcoming adoption!

Jennifer
P.S. We thought our daughter was hispanic for a while before learning that she's African American (or at least 1/2--like you, we don't know who the father is)...but I never cease to be amazed by genetics!