[Joei_in_NJ]

just wanted your feedback on this - - remember the back story of Dh's aunt is raising 2 grandaughters- they are her son's - birthmom is on drugs and has left a total of 4 kids in the hospital after giving birth - DYFS has stepped in due to them all testing positive - well we got a call from Dh' aunt a couple of months back telling us that "T" was pregnant again and that she reached out to the aunt about being at the hospital when she gave birth so that the aunt could keep the siblings together - ok so this is where we are thrown in - DH's aunt tells her that we are looking to be lisenced and that when she gives birth she can tell the DYFS worker that she has family members that can take the baby- "T" called me today - I am assuming she is still using "slurring her words) and she just call to tell me that she has 10 weeks to go and that she is going to see the dr and that they told her she is having a boy and that she has no businesss having any more babies and that she was surprised about it - and that's it just hung up.... I don't know what to think- I wanted to ask her some questions wanted to ask her about her using, about her taking prenatals, I just don't know - I think since she has our numbers I will wait until she or the case worker calls her - I don't know.....

[JJemail1]

Hi Joei,

Yes, the mother can technically identify you as a resource. Now here's the tough talk: in my experience, addicts are never reliable so I wouldn't sit around waiting for her call. On the other hand, it will be good for you to prepare in case you do get that call.

Basic things to know about drug/alcohol exposure: one can't say with any amount of certainty how badly a baby will be impacted by drug and/or alcohol exposure until symptoms of such exposure/addiction surface (ranging from newborn symptoms of withdrawal syndrome and/or neurological problems to later problems with feeding problems, heart defects, global delays, etc.). A baby could fare surprisingly well, or controversially, have severe Fetal Alcohol Syndrome from only "a few drinks" of alcohol during the span of a pregnancy. The factors are too difficult to isolate for obvious reasons so official research doesn't really exist. In other words, it's always a gamble. Therefore, if you hope to take in this baby, you must do so with the knowledge that severe medical, cognitive and/or behavioral issues may present themselves at some point in the child's life. (Just because a baby appears normal at birth does not completely rule out the potential for severe problems in the future.)

Secondly, while you can be appointed as a caregiver without an official Resource Family license, you will eventually have to get one; certainly if you adopt.

Another element to consider is, if the child is born with medical problems, he will likely have to go to a SHSP home (Special Home Service Provider). SHSP homes are required to provide round-the-clock care for children. SHPS providers are not allowed to work fulltime unless there are two parents who are able to alternate shifts (which is what my husband and I did--me working by day and caring for baby at night and vice versa). SHSP homes are expected to keep meticulous daily records, facilitate the standard two (2) DYFS visits in the home per month (resource family worker, child's caseworker) as well as quarterly visits by an assigned nurse practitioner). They must also facilitate transportation to any Dr.'s appointments the child stands in need of AS WELL AS ANY VISITATION WITH BIOLOGICAL PARENTS. (SHSP children are required to have a CPR-certified person with them at all times.) SHSP foster parents are allowed 10 hours per week of "alternate care" by a pre-determined and contracted licensed facility or individual.

In other words, if this is looking like a real possibility, you should assess your limitations in advance and, to be safe, probably attempt again to be licensed ASAP.

As always, best wishes to you!
Jennifer

[Joei_in_NJ]

Thank you so much Jen - I was hoping you would give me some advise - yes my dh and I were discussing the "good, bad & ugly" of it all - and we have touch on all you have said - It is really heavy on my heart and mind - I am going to call her today to see how her appointment went. I will pm you

[irelady10]

Joei- I think its not as difficult to get a kinship license (vs. a straight foster care license). This maybe helpful to you; I know you went through h*ll trying to get your foster care license.

Also, have you thought about getting a private homestudy done? They are rather expensive, but if this situation does work out, you may be able to adopt the child privately...just some thoughts I had. Don't know if either would work for you, though.

Good luck! Eileen

[Joei_in_NJ]

[quote]

Originally Posted by irelady10

Joei- I think its not as difficult to get a kinship license (vs. a straight foster care license). This maybe helpful to you; I know you went through h*ll trying to get your foster care license.

yes lord - it was a nightmare - I thnk that I wanted it so badly that maybe it wasn't the right time

Also, have you thought about getting a private homestudy done? They are rather expensive, but if this situation does work out, you may be able to adopt the child privately...just some thoughts I had. Don't know if either would work for you, though.

Good luck! Eileen

Thank you we have been looking into going private- coming on here helps me immensly (sp) I am grateful to have found this place and feel honored to live thru your stories (KWIM)