[JJemail1]

Wonderful, wonderful news. I'm just so happy for you and your little girl!

Jennifer

[RandomReality]

Whew! I am glad things are looking better for you. Hang in there!

[tess113]

Thank you so much........but we are not holding our breath....anything can happen.


We still have a long way to go,but it is encouraging.

tess113

[tess113]

We are meeting with LG shortly,and she will talk with FD,explaining situation to her....(we already spoke today with LG by phone).....the judge is saying he wants us to do the KLG,or nothing,basically......so if we dont she will be removed,to another family,who is willing to do it,although that has not been decided as to who,what or where....other people in her family,have been screened,and rescreened,and as we knew before,know one is able to pass DYFS screening.....we do not know what to do as we were told TPR was scheduled for next court date......any advice????


tess113

[irelady10]

Do you think dyfs is trying to play hardball with the klg demand? If there were relatives able to take her, wouldn't she have been moved there already? It doesn't make sense to me that they will move her to relatives ONLY if you DON"T accept the KLG option. Birthfamily is supposed to be 1st in line for placement...something seems fishy here.

And, if they move her to another foster family, they wouldn't be able to assume KLG- they wouldn't be considered her "kin", right?

I'm wishing you and your little girl the best.

[NJMama]

And to add to what Irelady says - a child is not eligible for KLG until they have resided with that caretaker for one year, so if they moved her they would be delaying any possible chance at permanency for another whole year since the KLG couldnt go into effect until then. That means she would still be in foster status for at least another year - That is hardly in keeping with the push for permanency under the Adoption and Safe Families Act. . . .Also sounds to me like this is a threat to try to get you to do KLG. There is no way that the LG should be going along with any plan to move your FD to another foster home just because that foster home says they would do KLG. How does anyone know that the new foster home would even find the child a good fit such that they would want to keep her longterm without actually adopting her? Under KLG that could theoretically mean court-imposed and legally enforceable visitation throughout her lifetime. Its one thing to ask a prospective foster parent in concept if they would be amenable to a KLG situation, but the reality may be very different once they meet the child, learn more about the birth family and actually have to live with the child who is constantly disappointed by broken promises for visits, or worse, who has adverse emotional reactions if visits are continuing. This sounds extremely off the mark to me and I wouldnt simply stand by and let this happen. Do whatever you must to advocate for your FD - write to the judge, go to court, call the DYFS supervisors, get the Child Advocate office involved if you have to. . . Don't give up!! Good luck and keep us all posted.

[JJemail1]

Irelady and NJMama have offered really solid advice and information. I don't have anything to add but just want you to know you're in our prayers. I'm trying to put myself in the judge's shoes and I know that the only reason he would have to "demand" KLG is because, like NJMama said, that's the only way they would be able to require visitation. If the parents lose their rights, there's no way anyone can enforce visits. In short, I understand WHY they are trying to pigeon hole you but, like everyone, I think that the result if you can not go forward is to your FD's detriment. Hence, I too wonder, if you stay your ground, if they will go ahead and TPR.

Again, our prayers are with you!
Jennifer

[tess113]

LG said that all the family in the past whom have not been able to pass any screening,can be reevaluated,and it could,or can be,dragged out for a long period of time.
She also asked us to mediate with bmom,which we do not feel comfortable to do that,being they would want us to compromise,and give in,according to LG.
In other words,bmom wants to have indefinite ties,somehow,and will not give in.....we already know this.
LG said she asked us if we would talk with the judge,and we said yes,as long as its just us and him(but still on the record)...she said bmoms lawyer may object.
LG said she will ask for an proffesional evaluation,on FD,and how she really feels about,bmom,and us.

It just seems that they want us to keep her for another year,or 2 or more,and then have to deal visitations,and with her going back to bmom....state would be off the hook,and a ton more responsibility would be pushed on us,that we cannot take on.

We have taken the high road on all of this,and have not once promised,or bribed her in any way,and have gone out of our way to praise bmom,and bdad,to make her happy....she keeps asking for us,as a family,to go on vacations,and wanting stuff,that we would love to get for her,but we have to tell her we cant because we are not sure if you will be here next year,or 6 months from now(dont get me wrong,she is still being spoiled rotten,and actually admits to it!)and she always makes a face,and says "yea right"....she is really just to young to understand,any of this,and what is right....In one day,we could change her mind,and fill her head with all the promises,and wonderful things we would be doing together....but we dont.

She has been promised,new houses,apartments,bikes,fishtank,dogs,cats,ipods,c ellphones,and you name it....bdad,and bmom,have it all figured out for her,and we believe this is part of her loyalty.

[chickie1221]

Unbelievable...my heart breaks for her.

[JJemail1]

I think you've nailed it and I hope the judge gains some perspective from the very fact that your FD's parents continue to make extraordinary, impossible promises that create an improbable, elusive fantasy life for your FD to bank all of her hopes on. After reading all of your posts, I strongly believe that even if you were to agree to KLG, the parents would probably repeat the pattern of missing visits, etc. In fact, in the dad's case, it seems like he only visits when his rights are threatened. Otherwise, he doesn't seem to put forth much effort, certainly not to get his daughter "back." KLG will only perpetuate this state of limbo. I hope the judge hears you out and agrees.

Best wishes,
Jennifer

[RandomReality]

You might want to TRY mediation. Just because you go doesn't mean you have to agree to anything. Maybe it might actually help to sit down with bmom. YOu never know.

[tess113]

We are still waiting,to hear from LG,about FD evaluation,and us talking with judge,but she said it could take a few weeks....in the meantime,there are new visitation guidelines,which are court ordered,which are very specific,and which both bdad,and bmom must adhere too.
They have a 2 hr visit, once a week,and are given a bus voucher,to a nuetral meeting place,near where her school is,and,must call and confirm 24 hrs in advance,or there will be know visit.
We now have an adoption CW,who is new, and to this date she or know one else can get in touch with either parent,so it has been about 2 months since any type of visit.
She does not even ask about visits either.....she told therapist,yesterday,that if she cant go live with bmom,she wants to live with us....


tess113

[chickie1221]

Oh, please, I'm praying that the b-parents have now been given enough rope to hang themselves...once and for all...so that this little girl can SETTLE herself (and you can plan for her future!).