[DOCwifey]

My name is Maryanne and I am new to Foster to Adopt. We started with getting the Application in themail on 10/20 and the recruiter coming on 11/20 who was very positive and informative. We live in Warren County. Our next step was with a CW on the phone who was nothing but negative!!! We put on our application infant to age 5
, siblings ok, Caucasian, Hispanic, biracial, asian. She told us we would not get a child for YEARS and to go with private adoption????? Twice she was rude to my husband on the phone
I don't know whether to cancel our application and move on or what!!! Any help or thoughts???

[RandomReality]

Originally Posted by DOCwifey

My name is Maryanne and I am new to Foster to Adopt. We started with getting the Application in themail on 10/20 and the recruiter coming on 11/20 who was very positive and informative. We live in Warren County. Our next step was with a CW on the phone who was nothing but negative!!! We put on our application infant to age 5
, siblings ok, Caucasian, Hispanic, biracial, asian. She told us we would not get a child for YEARS and to go with private adoption????? Twice she was rude to my husband on the phone
I don't know whether to cancel our application and move on or what!!! Any help or thoughts???

What? That is awful. Go online and find out the name of the manager of the Warren County office. Then COMPLAIN. This CW is doing a disservice to all the children in need!!! Don't let one miserable person stand in your way. Here is the link for contact information.
State of New Jersey | Department of Children and Families | Division of Youth and Family Services Area Offices
I am fostering one child and got calls today for two MORE kids if I wanted to take care of them. There are plenty of kids in need. Good luck!

[vernellinnj]

I agree with the prior poster. Don't let one person spoil the show. You will find that there are helpful CWs and not so helpful CWs.

Foster To Adopt can be heart wrenching but there are many children who need homes. You can "bank on" getting calls to FOSTER. These kids may or may not ever become available for adoption.

Good luck.

[DOCwifey]

Thank you so much for the responses. I really find this CW disheartening! Also I was told by the recruiter that they don't place regular foster children in the Fost to adopt homes?? Is that true? I am really glad I found this forum so I can learn more! Thanks for the link I am going to complain about her I have her name written down. It's been over 1 month since the recruiter came and still no word on where we are and every time we call this lady is rude to us. My DH really wants to do Private adoption but I'm scared to back out . I just want to be a mommy

[vernellinnj]

Someone with more experience can weigh in. But, to my knowledge, if you want a child that is definitely free for adoption - that is not Foster To Adopt - that's straight adoption.

Good luck...

[DOCwifey]

Vernellinnj- I understand that. The recruiter had said if you are in the Fost to Adopt Program they place children whose PR have been terminated or will be soon. Now I am learning that this is not always the case. We were never told the parents might have some visitation or anything of like that. We are just getting a lot of mixed messages from DYFS. Our recruter told us we could have a child as soon as April and the CW whom we spoke to next said it could be YEARS! He also told me they try their best not to set you up for failure by placing a child that would go back to the parents. So it makes no sense to me, something is wrong.

[leenab]

Fost/Adopt is risky. Our family has a 50% success rate with it, which means we did loose 2 children in the process. It's a famiyl decision whether or not you can handle loosing children. This last time around we waited for a straight adoption case and have our amazing little guy #3.

Personally I wouldn't go through fost/adopt again, it was very difficult for my sons to loose their f/a sisters to reunification and relatives.

Straight adoption is a very different feeling. From day one I knew #3 was staying forever and we all just adored him from the first moment, knowing our heart wasn't going to get broken. We waited almost 2 yrs for him but he is WELLLL worth the wait.

Caseworkers can't tell the future, part of it is that people do change, not all bioparents get their acts together, but some do. And relatives do come out of the woodwork. Fost/adopt is fostering, with the intent of adopting should the child become available for adoption.

[Mkuhlmann06]

Although I am doing fost to adopt in PA - I grew up and lived in NJ (30 years). No matter what state, there's one thing to know, the SW cannot guarantee anything when they place a child unless/until a judge has signed off on TPR. And if that is what you want - the guarantee, then you'll have to do straight adoption. We are fost to adopt, which means we are placed with children that they think are likely to end up as adoption but are still foster and rights are not terminated.

[RandomReality]

FOSTER: These kids are with you from one day to more than two years. The goal is most likely reunification with their families within 15 months - 2 years. You will get the most calls on these kids. They range in age from babies up to 18. Even if you say you want adopt only or fost-adopt, you will still get calls. The bulk of the kids in the system are foster kids. They can come and go at any time, so it can be stressful and you have to try and be detached. (Like any of us are really successful at that.) BUT the majority of children adopted in NJ come through foster care and are adopted by their foster parents.

FOST-ADOPT: These are kids who have been in the system for awhile - usually a year or more. It is LIKELY but not DEFINITE that they will be placed for adoption. This can be tricky because you can get your hopes up. And in some DCF/DYFS offices, they claim they don't categorize the kids as Fost-Adopt anymore. But they do. Or you can ask: "Is the goal in this case reunification or adoption?"

ADOPT-ONLY: These kids have had parental rights terminated. They are free to be adopted after a 6-month waiting period with new parents. The bulk of these kids are older or have issues. If you wanted a 12-year-old AA boy for example, you could probably adopt pretty quickly. Kids under 5 do not come up that often. The state tried to "improve" the adoption system and instead, screwed it up. So there has been a backlog. So this is the SAFEST way to go, but also takes the longest in terms of waiting.

Hope this helps. Good luck. All I can say is that I started out wanting Adopt Only. Then I switched to Fost-Adopt and then I let my guard down and have a Foster child. And I love him. He could leave me but I love him to bits. And do any of us really have guarantees in life? Nope. "No day but today," as they sing in "Rent."

[DOCwifey]

Thank you all for your replies! They were very helpful!!! I do not think we are going ot go through this route now. My husband does not want to take any chances. We had 2 M/C in 2006 and that was very rough for us to say the least. I am not happy with the way DYFS treated us and we still ahve not heard from them in over a month now when we were told all would be complete in 90 days and nothing is done . Whenever we call we get a rude response and it's not worth it at this point. My husband has been ready to move to Private Domestic or International as soona s the SW was rude the 1st time never mind the next 2x he spoke to her.

for all your replies and help!! I wish you all the Best

[vernellinnj]

Best wishes to you and your family.

[Tammi5143]

Mare,
I hope you have a chance to read this:
please don't give up yet!!

I also live in Warren County, and would be very interested in talking to you and your husband. I have been involved w/ DYFS since '99 as both a fost/adopt parent (and we have adopted 4), and as a foster parent. I have also served on the CPR Board for Middlesex County prior to moving to Warren County, I am trained as a co-trainer for the PRIDE Meetings, and I am an advocate for both foster and adoptive.

Please send me a Private Message with your e-mail or phone # and I will get in touch with you -

One thing is for sure - the worker you spoke with at the Warren Office was WRONG and she not have treated you that way. I am very interested in knowing how it is .... but ........

Please, please get in touch with me!

Tammi

[DOCwifey]

Originally Posted by Tammi5143

Mare,
I hope you have a chance to read this:
please don't give up yet!!

I also live in Warren County, and would be very interested in talking to you and your husband. I have been involved w/ DYFS since '99 as both a fost/adopt parent (and we have adopted 4), and as a foster parent. I have also served on the CPR Board for Middlesex County prior to moving to Warren County, I am trained as a co-trainer for the PRIDE Meetings, and I am an advocate for both foster and adoptive.

Please send me a Private Message with your e-mail or phone # and I will get in touch with you -

One thing is for sure - the worker you spoke with at the Warren Office was WRONG and she not have treated you that way. I am very interested in knowing how it is .... but ........

Please, please get in touch with me!

Tammi

Tammi- I sent you a PM.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I did write my letter of complaint tot he Director of our Field office and CC it to the Director in Trenton. we are having another home visit this Friday with another Case Worker.

[DOCwifey]

We had our Home visit this past Friday with a very nice CW. She did a walk through of our home and collected our paperwork. She is coming again on 02/02/06 for our second home visit where we will be interviewed individually. Does anyone know what that entails? We go for our fingerprints this Friday and Dh and I will have our physicals done by our second visit. The CW did not say to much, we start our Pride training on February 3rd.

[RandomReality]

They just ask lots and lots and lots of questions. Anything and everything. In the paperwork, I remember I had to answer stuff like: "Do you walk around the house naked?" and "What is your opinion of masturbation?" Those questions give one pause!