[vernellinnj]

Did anyone receive the flier from DYFS inviting adoptive families to an "Adoption Cafe" on Oct 14.

The flier states "Are you approved for adoption? Learn more about how to match your family with a waiting child!"

It's scheduled from 10-2 on Oct 14 at Mercer County Community College. If you want more information send an e-mail to the following address gsmith@nacenter.adopt.org

[leenab]

Glad to see DYFS is starting to promote adoption and hopefully match children to families. As someone who waited a long time for our 3rd son, I hope DYFS finds families for other waiting children.

Good luck to all of those attending.
-Leena

[vernellinnj]

If so, how was it? How was it structured? Well attended? Any info you'd like to share would be appreciated.

[rykyki]

I'm not sure that I am in the right place, but am wondering from those of you in NJ if you feel that DYFS is completely honest with the availibility of the children placed in foster/adopt homes? It seems to me that children who are not actually available for adoption are placed in those homes, only to be reunified with their biologocal families. Anyone else have this experience? Thank you.

[vernellinnj]

In general, if you receive a call from any office other than the Adoption Unit in TRENTON, the chid's case plan (at that time) is reunification.

Many children who start out with a case plan of reunification go on to be adopted but it is a long, emotional and uncertain journey. This journey is not for everyone.

If you want only an adoptive placement, specify that you do not want to foster/adopt. Know, however, that this may make your wait longer as (I believe) most children in NJ are adopted by their foster parents.

Perhaps some more experienced FP/Adoptive parents will also respond.

[leenab]

We have done fost/adopt (4 times) and straight adoption (once in the process now). Fost/adopt was much faster in terms of placement. But we've lost 2 fost/adopt placements to reunification with biofamily.

Our current adoption placement, #3 is legally free for adoption. But we waited a VERY long time for him, 1yr 5 months. This in contrast to a few days to a month and a half for our fost/adopt placements.

As vernell said fost/adopt is an emotional rollarcoaster. We chose not to go through it again, that's why we waited for a straight adoption placement. It was definately worth the wait and it's completely different for us. He is our son, it's just a matter of time before we finalize. There is no worrying about loosing him. It's been very hard on us to loose placements to reunification.

My advice would be to go straight adoption and just settle into waiting.

[kimyas]

I live in nj and was thinking of foster/adopt but after reading some posts on here actualy got me a little nervous. Then reading the brochure they sent me it sounded like most the childen had things wrong with them. Especially the infants. emotionally and medically. Can you tell me is that what you have experienced?

Kim

[vernellinnj]

It's true - many infants are born drug exposed and/or drug addicted. There are very few perfectly healthy infants that go straight into fost/adopt situations. Most infants are foster and have a caseplan of reunification for at least a year.

However, if there is one thing that is typical- it is that NOTHING is typical. Anything can happen. You just need to make sure you think you can handle the uncertainty of fost/adopt. If you can't, I suggest straight adoption.

[RandomReality]

My foster baby is quite healthy. Well, except for the constant cold he's had for two months. Thanks daycare! But he was pitched to me by the social workers in a way that led me to believe he would soon be available for adoption. That turns out not to be true. Dealing with the foster care system is turning my hair gray. I am sticking it out as long as there is any chance my Little Dude can stay with me, but for the next child, I am doing adopt only.

[marcav]

My little guy was born drug addicted and premature, but also has been healthy minus the daycare stuff (has a cold & cough this past month.) He turned one y.o. last month and I just learned a few minutes ago that his case has been turned over to the adoption unit -- estimated time till adoption, 6 months.

I too would be devastated if he were taken from me, but in his case mom is deceased and dad unknown. You can never be sure what's going to happen with fost adopt, but you can try your best to minimize risk. The first baby offered to me was complete abandonment which I accepted but then couldn't take due to some jurisdictional issues with DYFS. Second was a baby whose parents were going to fight for (both enrolled in a methadone program.) I declined that placement. Third was a 9 month old whose older sibling was taken away because mom couldn't maintain sobriety and dad did not want her. I probably would have taken her if I had not just gotten baby boy a week earlier. SW hinted strongly that mom wouldn't have gotten her back.

No matter what you decide, you have to have a thick skin for sure.

Mary

[camposborne]

we haven't even signed the papers yet, but on the application it gives you the option to decide and we've gone back and forth about it...

honestly, from our POV, we couldn't bear to give a little one up. I try to tell myself it's like babysitting, but in order to take care of these kids like they need, you really need to love them completely and not one of us in my house is wired to give up easily on something we love completely...

on the original post of the cafe flyer, what are they for? so approved parents can view waiting children? or do you possibly meet the children? anyone know? if we're approved, it sounds like something that we may be interested in to get our names/faces out there.

[JJemail1]

Originally Posted by camposborne

on the original post of the cafe flyer, what are they for? so approved parents can view waiting children? or do you possibly meet the children? anyone know? if we're approved, it sounds like something that we may be interested in to get our names/faces out there.

According to the director of the event, the cafe in October was mostly informative--a Q&A session of sorts. These cafes are a result of the National Adoption Center (National Adoption Center - Adoption Information and Adoption Photolistings of Waiting Special Needs Children) teaming up with DYFS to both educate adoptive parents and possibly match children. At this particular event, there were profiles of adoptable children but no actual children on-site because sometimes the adoptive parents are so wrapped up in the children they forget to ask important questions (this is a paraphrasing of what I was told). However, apparently they do have events where adoptable children are present.

Apparently they are having another event this month. You may contact gsmith@nacenter.adopt.org for more info.

I hope this helps!
Jennifer