adoption.com

adoption.com

 
JOIN 800,000+ MEMBERS JOINJOIN Cancel
image






Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums.
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-07-2006, 11:11 AM
JJemail1 JJemail1 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 391
Total Points: 34,995.31
Donate
Angry Another DYFS Nightmare

Hello All,

I’m not usually one to post granular information about my case(s) but the outcome of our current case is outrageous and needs to be publicized.

Here’s our story:

Our FS came to our home straight from the hospital after his birth because his mom was incarcerated due to violation of parole (for shoplifting). His mother has 5 other children, none of which she raised, none of whom are in contact with her today, and at least one who was TPRd because mom has been a slave to her drug addiction for approximately 15 years. She was using heroin (and heaven only knows what else) during her first two trimesters with our FS until she was incarcerated. Upon our FS’ birth, all of her family declined to be involved because they want nothing to do with her – or her subsequent children – for obvious reasons. Our FS’ father is nowhere to be found.

Originally, our FS’ mom was supposed to serve 15 months for her crime without parole (since it was a repeat offense). However, she got what I call the “deal of the century” and was let out of jail on the condition she participates in a residential rehab program. At the last hearing, DYFS “didn’t really press the issue” (in a caseworker’s words) and our FS’ Law Guardian was perhaps balancing her checkbook or jotting down a grocery list at the time, and a judge ruled that our FS could be placed with his mother in her treatment program if she stayed clean for 30 days. Not a typo folks – 30 days after the woman was released from prison!

Of course I didn’t take that blow sitting down. I wrote an essay, attached evidence, and requested that the mother be given a psychological evaluation before placement and overnighted it to the judge’s chambers – and then called to verify she read it! She didn’t but I talked the judge’s legal clerk into talking to the judge for me and the clerk called back to tell me the judge said an attorney must request the amendment to the ruling. (Honestly, I knew I have no rights but figured I'd get the judge's attention; but more importantly, everyone else’s!). I sent copies of the letter to the judge to our caseworker, caseworker’s supervisor, Law Guardian, and called the supervisor to ask her to get in touch with DYFS’ lawyer. You see, even DYFS was AGAINST reunification at this time! When I spoke to our FS’ Law Guardian approximately 2 days before our FS was supposed to go to his mom, LG told me I made a “mistake” by writing and calling the judge and that I had an ulterior motive, to which I responded, “But aren’t YOU concerned about him going to his mom!?” LG proceeded to tell me that she isn’t concerned while mom is in supervised treatment. However, once she found out our FS was supposed to go within two days, she changed her tune, claiming she was “out of the loop.” Then, once she found out our FS had only seen his mother one time for 1 hour since his birth, she decided to call his caseworker’s supervisor.

Well, apparently DYFS felt motivated and they actually did delay reunification to give the mother a psychological evaluation, which did not go favorably for her apparently. So our FS gets to stay, right?.....WRONG. The judge stuck to her guns because, again, mom will be supervised and is essentially in jail at her drug rehabilitation facility – she cannot leave, cannot have non-relative visitors, or even make phone calls. Doesn’t that sound like a lovely environment for children? We requested to meet with her but DYFS said her lawyer wouldn’t allow it. Yes, heaven forbid she be given the opportunity to learn more about her son from the people who have been raising him since birth!

So now a mother, who has chosen drugs over her children for 15 years; who has never held a job, and hence, has no job skills; and who has never raised a child, will be taking in our precious angel tomorrow morning. And after she “graduates” from her drug treatment in 4 months or so, our beautiful FS will be used as a guinea pig - when his mother moves to Section 8 housing and goes on welfare – in this judge’s little experiment to establish whether or not mom can resist drugs and raise a child in a non-restrictive environment!

I need not say how furious I am. So furious, that I just penned three bills that I fully intend on pushing until I get a congressman/woman to sponsor each of them! First, parents should have to substantiate that they are able to take care of themselves in a non-restrictive environment before being entrusted with the care of their children. Second, DYFS needs to implement transitioning procedures so that children have the opportunity to get to know their parents before they move in with them. It’s one thing to rip a child out of an abusive home for the sake of the greater good, but to rip a child out of a stable home to be placed in a halfway house, when there was ample time to work in multiple visits and overnight stays, is nothing short of CHILD ABUSE! Finally, any woman who gives birth to a baby who has drugs in its system should be prosecuted for harming a child!

This perhaps isn’t the worst story we’ve read – and that is the truly outrageous part!

Your feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Jennifer
__________________
Apr 2004: Licensed for "fost/adopt"
May 2007: Foster-Angel #2 arrives..it's a girl
Sept 2007: SHSP/Infant-child CPR certified
Oct 2007: Case plan changed to adoption
Dec 2007: Case plan approved!
June 2008: Guardianship granted!
Oct 2008: Adoption finalized! We're officially a family!
Aug 2009: Updated homestudy in hopes of adopting again
Oct 2009: Matched! We're in the visitation stage prior to placement Very hopeful that things will go smoothly
Feb 2010: Our little guy is home permanently after a relatively lengthy (& successful!) transitional period per our request to give him time to get to know us
November 2010: Adoption finalized!
Reply With Quote
Adoption Information
Tyler & Laura (WA)
are hoping to adopt
Tyler & Laura hoping to adopt A Service of Adoption Profiles
Become an adoption forums premium member to enjoy these Membership Benefits:
  • Remove Advertising
  • Unlimited Arcade
  • Unlimited Attachments
  • Increased PM Storage
  • Calendar Posting
  • Larger Avatars
  • Personal Page
  • Just $19.95 / yr!
Adoption Confererence
Click here to visit Adoptive Parents Committee
Adoptive Parents Committee 33rd Annual Adoption Conference: Sunday, Nov. 24, 2013 St. Francis College, Brooklyn, NY 75 Workshops/50 Exhibitors/Bookstore Register Online or call (212)304-8497
Adoptive Parents Committee
(212) 304-8479  

  #2  
Old 08-07-2006, 12:46 PM
vernellinnj's Avatar
vernellinnj vernellinnj is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,905
Total Points: 158,508,317,839.61
Donate
Jen - I'm so sorry. I will send you a PM but wanted you to know, publicly, that you and the baby are in my thoughts and prayers.
__________________
Single and Fabulous!
Former Fostermom (2004-2010) fostered 3 children
Fostermom to one child for 4 years; child reunited with his mom but he's still an active part of my life.
_______________________________________________
November 2010 - Submitted Application for Private Domestic Adoption
March 2011 - Homestudy approved/waiting to be matched
August 2011 - Received "the call" for a baby born the night before! Birthmom signed TPR papers 72 hours later
January 2012 - Birthdad's rights terminated
February 2012 - Finalized!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-07-2006, 08:17 PM
RandomReality's Avatar
RandomReality RandomReality is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 404
Total Points: 38,365.13
Donate
Oh my God. Oh my God. This is so awful. I am praying for you right now with tears in my eyes. I am going to wish that a miracle will occur. I will PM you.
__________________
Single mommy of 7-year-old son
Jan. 2005 - decided to adopt
Sept. 2005 - licensed as foster home
May 2006 - Little Dude arrives, right from the hospital.
May 2007 - Birth Parents give up parental rights.
Nov. 5, 2007 - Little Dude is adopted! It's official!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-07-2006, 08:30 PM
Tammi5143's Avatar
Tammi5143 Tammi5143 is offline
Adoptive & Foster Mommy
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 149
Total Points: 13,333.21
Donate
Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear that you are losing your foster son. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and your little guy!
__________________
ALL MY ANGELS WERE ADOPTED (as infants through Foster Care in the State of NJ)
Joshua, age 12
Erich, age 9
Kaelynn, age 8
Hannah, age 7 1/2
Nikki Rose, age 4 1/2
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-09-2006, 06:57 AM
piglets's Avatar
piglets piglets is offline
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 61
Total Points: 7,737.70
Donate
This is just horrific..
I am soooo sorry you and esp your FS is going through all this...
Please don't let them break you (I know better said than done) keep fighting...
My prayers are with you that they open their eyes and really do what is best for this child.
__________________
FS 1 arrived 3mths adopted 2yrs We have son finalized on April 25,2009
FS 2 reunified
FS 3 now our SON Adopted August 8,2008
FD 1 newborn arrived 8/28/07 adopted 8/08
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-09-2006, 07:01 AM
madfostermomma madfostermomma is offline
Ringmaster a.k.a. Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 287
Total Points: 55,427.50
Donate
lets get these Bills moving and start writing Congress NOW! We need to be the ones who protect these kids since it doesn't seem the powers that be can do it without us. Let me know who you need me to write and it will be done!
__________________
Kel

Welcome to the circus!


DH-

my 4 kiddos
The Enforcer age 6 Adopted November 16, 2007
The Jester- age 5 - Adopted November 16, 2007
The Informer- age 4-identified surrender December 7th 2007
The Terminator - age 3-identified surrender December 7th 2007

our always annoyed Corgi , an escapee bird and various fish, fauna and amphibians and a homeless chicken and a rescued runaway Blue Heeler.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-09-2006, 11:23 AM
JJemail1 JJemail1 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 391
Total Points: 34,995.31
Donate
Hello again All,

Our FS was indeed removed yesterday and it was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through (and still going through). Everyone I speak to at DYFS says they disagree with the reunification and I wonder how, with so many people against it, it still went through. This judge has placed the mother's constitutional right to raise her child before the our FS' well-being. Sure, he may be fine for the next 4 months she's in treatment but what about the big picture!? Furthermore, according to NJSA 30:4C-11.3, reasonable efforts (services provided to bio parents by DYFS) aren't even required when "the rights of the parent to another child have been involuntarily terminated," (The Attorney Manual for Child Welfare Cases, pg. 3). In other words, DYFS had NO OBLIGATION to even work with this mother due to her previous TPRd children! According to our FS' caseworker, DYFS is under new pressure from "child's rights agencies" (her words) to reunify all children - even if "the mother has had 21 children" (the supervisor's words). She admitted to DYFS' oversight as far as visitation. Our poor baby must be wondering where his mommy is...and I can only imagine he's having a hard time breathing as he's prone to Asthma and his mother chain smokes a pack of cigarettes per day!! My stomach is in knots thinking about it.

As far as the bills go, below are drafts of 2 of the 3 bills I'm working on. The 3rd bill is tricky as it involves making giving birth to a drug-exposed child a crime for harming a child. A ton of research still has to be done to see if these bills are compatible with what is already in place, to revise terminology and define vocabulary, and get a congressperson on board! Nonetheless, your input and ideas are more than welcome!

Here they are:

********************************************************************************
A Bill To Be Entitled
An Act to Require Parents to be Reintroduced into Society Before Regaining Custody of Their Children in Foster Care.
Section 1: Require parents to substantiate their ability to refrain from drug use and/or criminal activity in an unrestricted environment before being eligible for reunification with their children in foster care.
A)Prevent parents residing in residential drug treatment programs and halfway houses from gaining custody of children prior to completing rehabilitation programs.
B)Require parents to live outside of a restrictive environment for 3 months prior to reunification.
C)Conduct drug tests and psychological evaluations on all parents being integrated back into society after jail time or drug treatment, who seek to regain custody of their children in foster care.

Section 2: This will be instituted in New Jersey

Section 3: The bill will be active 90 days after it is passed.

Section 4: It is the responsibility of The Division of Youth and Family services to ensure parents meet standards before planning to reunify children in foster care.

********************************************************************************
A Bill To Be Entitled
An Act to Require a Standardized Transitioning Procedure for Reunification of Children in Foster Care with Biological Parents
Section 1: Require a minimum 30 day transitional period, with no less than two visits per week and two overnight stays, prior to reunifying children in foster care with their biological parents
A)Require a transitioning period for reunification of children in foster care with biological parents.
B)Reduce emotional strain on children by implementing a gradual transition verses a sudden one.
C)Monitor transition to ensure reunification is appropriate.

Section 2: This will be instituted in New Jersey

Section 3: The bill will be active 90 days after it is passed.

Section 4: It is the responsibility of The Division of Youth and Family services to ensure the transitional period is implemented.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-09-2006, 01:17 PM
hotspice58 hotspice58 is offline
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 714
Total Points: 7,508.74
Donate
I'm so sorry for you!!! In some states, drug positive pregnant women are arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child. Poor kid!!
__________________
Millie

son, 8, through the miracle of adoption
son, 11, through the miracle of adoption

Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-09-2006, 03:57 PM
JJemail1 JJemail1 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 391
Total Points: 34,995.31
Donate
Hi Hotspice,

Yes; Precisely! NJ needs to adopt the same procedure!

Any woman who gives birth to a drug-exposed/addicted baby is obviously a serious addict. Since permenancy plans must be made within 12 months of a child being in foster care, there is not enough time for such an addict to make a full recovery. Recovering from that type of addiction takes years. It not only involves abstaining from the drug(s) of choice, it involves retraining the brain to respond to crises in a non-destructive manner, aquiring employment, securing housing, and even learning how to establish and maintain solid familial relationships. Moreover, a full physiological recovery is not always possible. I guarantee that if one were to do an MRI scan on our FS' mother's brain, it would reflect that her brain activity is compromised. Since all of our FS' family have turned their backs on his mother, what resources does she have to turn to when she needs help?

Sorry, I'm on my soap box again.

Thanks, everyone, for your compassion and support.
Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:50 AM.