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  #1  
Old 06-08-2006, 06:53 PM
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RandomReality RandomReality is offline
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Baby Boy is here!!!

Hi everyone. I got Baby Boy, a foster newborn on May 31. Have been too stressed and sleep deprived to write. Baby Boy came to me because of another momma on this board, to whom I am eternally grateful. Before that, another momma tried to help me. In December, I helped friends from my parenting class find their little toddler. So see, if they would let the foster parents run things, the system would be better!

I am single so taking care of a newborn has been TOUGH. The first night, I was crying and wishing for a husband. Then I realized, I could have a husband who was an idiot, or one who was nice but no help with a baby.

My own mom is here this weekend. Thank God. And this time, I was very honest with my friends and admitted I needed their help.

For more experienced moms: Is Baby Boy EVER going to sleep through the night? Oh my God. I feel continually jet lagged.

I have him at least till the court hearing on July 6. Parents are teens. Their families are wacky, but in the scheme of things, I am not sure HOW wacky. I really, really, really want to keep Baby Boy. But this is foster (with hope of adoption). In my head, I know there is a 50 percent chance I will lose him. But my heart is not hearing this. Oh I can't even THINK about him leaving. Sigh. At least I know the date of the hearing and can prepare myself then. Right now, I am too tired. In the supermarket the other day, I spaced out in the cheese aisle. I was like, "I know I like cheese. But what kind??"

So far, Baby Boy and I have: Gone to the WIC office;Visited my office; Shopped in Target; Ate lunch out. Yesterday, he had first supervised visit with Teen Parents since leaving hospital. We all survived. I took a long nap while he was gone.

Sigh. This is hard and wonderful at the same time. Oh and he is HEALTHY, which is great. The same day I accepted placement of Baby Boy, I got another call for a 20-month old boy. Then yesterday, I got a call about Hispanic little brothers. When it rains, it pours.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I believe in God and know that if it is God's plan (and the judge's) that Baby Boy return to his wacky family, I will have to accept it. But, sigh. Sigh.
__________________
Single mommy of 7-year-old son
Jan. 2005 - decided to adopt
Sept. 2005 - licensed as foster home
May 2006 - Little Dude arrives, right from the hospital.
May 2007 - Birth Parents give up parental rights.
Nov. 5, 2007 - Little Dude is adopted! It's official!
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  #2  
Old 06-08-2006, 07:08 PM
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Tammi5143 Tammi5143 is offline
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Congratulations on your new addition. Just remember .... anything can happen at any time. Was he placed with you as foster or fost/adopt? That can make a difference in the world of things.

Yes, he will sleep through the night, but not for several more months. I am assuming that he is only a few weeks old. Am I right? If that is the case, then you can probably look forward to another 3 to 3 1/2 months of sleep deprivation. Most of mine were sleeping through the night (11pm-6am) by about 4-5 months of age. And that was by sheer luck! Other foster children have had me totally sleep deprived and not even remembering my own name.

Keep your courage up, and get sleep when you can. And hey, you don't need a man around .... us women can do it! I do have a husband in the picture but sometimes I wish that he would just go away and let me handle things! LOL

And yes, when it rains it pours .... that always seems to happen. Especially this past week. DYFS has been quite busy. I just had to turn away the placement of siblings (2) earlier this week because we are in the process of moving and there was no way I could bring them into this chaotic mess. That broke my heart!

Remember one thing ... when your little guy sleeps, you sleep! No housework, no laundry, no nothing. Just sleep. That is the best advice that I can offer to you!

Good luck, and keep us posted on the upcoming court date.
__________________
ALL MY ANGELS WERE ADOPTED (as infants through Foster Care in the State of NJ)
Joshua, age 12
Erich, age 9
Kaelynn, age 8
Hannah, age 7 1/2
Nikki Rose, age 4 1/2
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  #3  
Old 06-09-2006, 06:52 AM
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vernellinnj vernellinnj is offline
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Congratulations! Boys are the best! I've never had an infant - both of my FS have been toddlers (24 and 21 months). I must say, I've always wanted to adopt an infant but I am seriously reconsidering changing to a toddler (under 2). I am single and infants are tough. My current FS goes to bed at 7:30 PM and sleeps till 6:30 AM!

Praying for God's will for Baby Boy and you.

Vernell
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Single and Fabulous!
Former Fostermom (2004-2010) fostered 3 children
Fostermom to one child for 4 years; child reunited with his mom but he's still an active part of my life.
_______________________________________________
November 2010 - Submitted Application for Private Domestic Adoption
March 2011 - Homestudy approved/waiting to be matched
August 2011 - Received "the call" for a baby born the night before! Birthmom signed TPR papers 72 hours later
January 2012 - Birthdad's rights terminated
February 2012 - Finalized!
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  #4  
Old 06-09-2006, 08:21 AM
JJemail1 JJemail1 is offline
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Thumbs up

Hi Random,

Congratulations on your placement! Oh, how I remember those sleepless nights (mostly because of my own anxiety! - ha). My saving grace is the ArmsReach(TM) mini co-sleeper. It is a small crib that hooks on to the side of your bed. Instead of having to get up every time baby is hungry, spits his pacifier out, etc., you just roll over and tend to him and go back to sleep. It is a lifesaver and worth the $125!

You can check it out at at the ArmsReach website:

http://armsreach.com/product_mini.asp

You can pick one up at Target, Buy Buy Baby, Babies R Us and more or just order online and have it sent.

We've used this since our baby came home (he was about 3 weeks at the time) and we're still using it!

Our baby starting sleeping through the night around 3 months as I adjusted his feedings gradually. He started eating 2-4 ounces every 3-4 hours and then I gradually increased the ounces during the day and eliminated the middle-of-the-night feedings one at a time. Again, he sleeps all the way through now - a dream!

Documenting feedings and gradually getting him into a schedule was also key. I've noted every feeding/amount of ounces consumed/burps/diaper changes/etc. since he came home and it has really helped me to understand him in his totality (especially since he is with a nanny during the day) as well as get him into a routine that works for us.

Best of wishes to you! I'll be praying for you as we, too, are on the same roller coaster ride wondering whether or not our baby boy will stay...
__________________
Apr 2004: Licensed for "fost/adopt"
May 2007: Foster-Angel #2 arrives..it's a girl
Sept 2007: SHSP/Infant-child CPR certified
Oct 2007: Case plan changed to adoption
Dec 2007: Case plan approved!
June 2008: Guardianship granted!
Oct 2008: Adoption finalized! We're officially a family!
Aug 2009: Updated homestudy in hopes of adopting again
Oct 2009: Matched! We're in the visitation stage prior to placement Very hopeful that things will go smoothly
Feb 2010: Our little guy is home permanently after a relatively lengthy (& successful!) transitional period per our request to give him time to get to know us
November 2010: Adoption finalized!
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  #5  
Old 06-09-2006, 09:21 AM
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RandomReality RandomReality is offline
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Bed sleeper

I did get one of those co-bed sleepers. He is in it right now as I am typing and snoring away. OF course, that is because it is the daytime which is his night time. I was up with him till 12:30 a.m., then again at 3 a.m. when my Mom took over. Bless her. Then he ate at 5:30 a.m. and 8:30 a.m. He is up to 3 oz now so I guess that will help, right? The more he eats the longer he sleeps. The little guy keeps getting the hiccups! So sad!

Was awake last night thinking about what it would be like to lose him. Oy.

He was placed with me as long-term/fost-adopt. But Teen Parents both want him. However Teen Dad is only 15 and his mom has an open abuse complaint against her. So not going there. Teen Mom sometimes says she wants him, sometimes not. Seems to say it more when Teen Dad is around. I get the sense that Teen Dad is the one who really wanted the baby. How sad is that?? Best option is Maternal Grandmother, who is wacky in her own right. But in the scheme of things, I am not sure HOW wacky. Haven't been told much about her.

Odds of him going to bio relatives are: it is Teen Parents first baby (probably because Teen Dad only recently hit puberty!!!!!); no drug use; Maternal Grandmother says she wants him. You know how judges like to keep families together these days. (Even though I could give him a MUCH better life).

Sigh. Must remember, it is not up to me. Up to God, judge, DYFS etc. Meanwhile, giving lots of love and kisses on head.
__________________
Single mommy of 7-year-old son
Jan. 2005 - decided to adopt
Sept. 2005 - licensed as foster home
May 2006 - Little Dude arrives, right from the hospital.
May 2007 - Birth Parents give up parental rights.
Nov. 5, 2007 - Little Dude is adopted! It's official!
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  #6  
Old 06-09-2006, 09:28 AM
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vernellinnj vernellinnj is offline
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Just enjoy him now - God will take care of the rest. As you know, I also have a new placement. I would love to keep him but one never knows. I'm telling myself (for my own sanity) that I will not have him forever. In the meanwhile, I am "loving him up"!

P.S. My homestudy addendum is complete - it's off to the Adoption Unit in Trenton!

Vernell
__________________
Single and Fabulous!
Former Fostermom (2004-2010) fostered 3 children
Fostermom to one child for 4 years; child reunited with his mom but he's still an active part of my life.
_______________________________________________
November 2010 - Submitted Application for Private Domestic Adoption
March 2011 - Homestudy approved/waiting to be matched
August 2011 - Received "the call" for a baby born the night before! Birthmom signed TPR papers 72 hours later
January 2012 - Birthdad's rights terminated
February 2012 - Finalized!
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  #7  
Old 06-09-2006, 10:09 AM
madfostermomma madfostermomma is offline
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I am still envious - oh how I want diapers again - but I know my little girl is out there somewhere- have no patience though so driving myself and hubby nuts!
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Kel

Welcome to the circus!


DH-

my 4 kiddos
The Enforcer age 6 Adopted November 16, 2007
The Jester- age 5 - Adopted November 16, 2007
The Informer- age 4-identified surrender December 7th 2007
The Terminator - age 3-identified surrender December 7th 2007

our always annoyed Corgi , an escapee bird and various fish, fauna and amphibians and a homeless chicken and a rescued runaway Blue Heeler.
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  #8  
Old 06-09-2006, 12:07 PM
Davidsmom17 Davidsmom17 is offline
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I adopted my son at birth as a single mom and remember those horrible sleepless nights oh so well. You will have to hit around 4 months before you can start sleep training and trying to stretch out the bottle feedings. Until then, rely on anyone who will help. If you can get a friend or relative to take a night shift even once a week for you so you can sleep 8 or more hours, you will feel like a human being again. It was the only thing that helped keep me sane.
Laurie
PS Also try to shower every day even if you don't have the energy to move. Not showering adds to the whole exhaustive depression new moms face.
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  #9  
Old 06-09-2006, 12:37 PM
marcav marcav is offline
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I am also single and got my baby boy right from the hospital. He is now 9 months and his permanency hearing will be held on July 14th. Are you working? I got through the first month by taking leave and having help from my mother. I know I was counting the days until he reached the 3 month mark, but it goes by quickly. After that I didn't want him to get any older! It is amazing how quickly they change, sometimes he doesn't seem like the same baby I started out with. Needless to say, he has me wrapped around his little finger. I know it seems overwhelming at first (be prepared to grieve for your former single life) but I can't imagine life without him now if I had to give him up. Also, don't expect your other single friends to even have a clue as to what you're going through!

Good luck, I'll be rooting for you come July 6th!

Mary
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  #10  
Old 06-26-2006, 01:08 PM
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RandomReality RandomReality is offline
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My social worker was preaching religion to me!!

Okay, Baby Boy and I had our first official visit from the social worker who is supposed to be MY worker. (I have only talked to Baby Boy's new worker on the phone exactly one time. Sigh. Doesn't return calls).

Anyway, this woman is in my county and has supposedly been assigned to me since December. She is a long-time DYFS worker, hates change is has been fairly useless. But now that I have a child, she says she has to come over once a month.

So she comes over and we chat and I am really, really tired but trying to look alert. She mentioned that she was on a fast for her church and I asked her some questions about it. Well THAT was a mistake. She was off and running. She told me all about her church, and how she is now as a new church and the prophets who spoke to her at a Bible store and how Hurricane Katrina was caused because New Orleans was sinful and how we are in the end days and the wrath of God is coming.

Okayyyyyy.

I was so tired that I kind of sat there. I mean, let's be serious - I played along a bit because I wanted her to think I am a nice Christian woman (which I am). But I didn't want her PREACHING to me and shoving her self-righteous evangelical point of view down my throat. When she started talking about the Declaration of Independence, prayer in school and the words on the dollar bill - I though I would lose my mind.

So. What do I do? Do I see if she does it again and THEN complain? Do I make a fuss now and ask for a new worker? Do I laugh it off?

She is entitled to her opinion but WHAT do her beliefs have to do with Baby Boy and what lies ahead for him???
__________________
Single mommy of 7-year-old son
Jan. 2005 - decided to adopt
Sept. 2005 - licensed as foster home
May 2006 - Little Dude arrives, right from the hospital.
May 2007 - Birth Parents give up parental rights.
Nov. 5, 2007 - Little Dude is adopted! It's official!
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  #11  
Old 06-27-2006, 09:04 AM
madfostermomma madfostermomma is offline
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I would see what next visit brings and if she begins again- gently tell her you have things you need to do and you would like to make her visit the most productive it can be in the short time she has alloted with you because you know how busy she is so while you really appreciate how friendly she is, you'd like to discuss the baby and the case plan for him.
__________________
Kel

Welcome to the circus!


DH-

my 4 kiddos
The Enforcer age 6 Adopted November 16, 2007
The Jester- age 5 - Adopted November 16, 2007
The Informer- age 4-identified surrender December 7th 2007
The Terminator - age 3-identified surrender December 7th 2007

our always annoyed Corgi , an escapee bird and various fish, fauna and amphibians and a homeless chicken and a rescued runaway Blue Heeler.
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  #12  
Old 07-01-2006, 09:11 AM
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RandomReality RandomReality is offline
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Court

Okay, I spent last night freaking out about the 45-day court hearing for Baby Boy, which is next week. Grandma still wants him and was at the CPRB thing. I didn't realize it at the time. That was probably best.

So, what can I expect at court? I told the case worker I want to speak to the judge (I understand foster parents are guaranteed this under federal law, right?) How does it work? I think I go in first and then after that they start the hearing. What should I say? How should I act?

I was just really stressing about losing him to grandma although I can't get a clear idea from the CW how likely that is.

My own mom is coming back up again to stay with me. Thank God. She will be my support if Baby Boy leaves. I also think I need a little space to disconnect from him because we are so completely bonded because he is so little. I am still not getting a lot of sleep and he is glued to me pretty much all the time so the thought of not having my little buddy around is freaking me out. Then he screams in my ear and I snap out of it, but you know what I mean.

Also, I wonder if the NJ state shutdown could affect the court hearing. Aiiiee. Any advice for me for court?
__________________
Single mommy of 7-year-old son
Jan. 2005 - decided to adopt
Sept. 2005 - licensed as foster home
May 2006 - Little Dude arrives, right from the hospital.
May 2007 - Birth Parents give up parental rights.
Nov. 5, 2007 - Little Dude is adopted! It's official!
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  #13  
Old 07-01-2006, 07:13 PM
gigisam gigisam is offline
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Congratulations! And good luck at the court date, coming up next week already!
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  #14  
Old 07-01-2006, 08:25 PM
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vernellinnj vernellinnj is offline
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No advice but sending positive thoughts your way..
__________________
Single and Fabulous!
Former Fostermom (2004-2010) fostered 3 children
Fostermom to one child for 4 years; child reunited with his mom but he's still an active part of my life.
_______________________________________________
November 2010 - Submitted Application for Private Domestic Adoption
March 2011 - Homestudy approved/waiting to be matched
August 2011 - Received "the call" for a baby born the night before! Birthmom signed TPR papers 72 hours later
January 2012 - Birthdad's rights terminated
February 2012 - Finalized!
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  #15  
Old 07-06-2006, 07:28 AM
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RandomReality RandomReality is offline
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Smile Court hearing postponed

Well, Baby Boy was supposed to have his court hearing today but it got postponed. Hm, actually I am assuming it got postponed cause the whole state is shut down and the judge's office still hasn't updated the message from yesterday about the state being shut down. And I am still in my jammies and Baby Boy is snoozing, so we aren't going anywhere anytime soon. I wanted my mom to be here for the hearing but she goes back home on Monday. Oh well.

My mom was an angel and took the 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. feedings and the 7 a.m. puking so I could get some sleep!!! A cheer for Momma Random Reality
__________________
Single mommy of 7-year-old son
Jan. 2005 - decided to adopt
Sept. 2005 - licensed as foster home
May 2006 - Little Dude arrives, right from the hospital.
May 2007 - Birth Parents give up parental rights.
Nov. 5, 2007 - Little Dude is adopted! It's official!

Last edited by RandomReality : 07-06-2006 at 07:29 AM. Reason: Typo
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