[wants2adopt]

HELP! I have been asking for therapy for 7 months for my foster daughter, who has been diagnosed several times needing it. After two pediatrician appts this wk she's insisting she needs meds cause she's sick, yet the DR says she's just upset because the other children in the house ARE on meds for true illnesses and she's fine. Yes her parents did drugs in front of her and the judge's ordered therapy for the whole family, but her parents havn't chosen to participate so they are delaying HER care. Anyone have mental training to tell me how to deal with a prschooler who wants to be drugged daily? All meds are locked up so she can't get at them, but now my family is questioning my thinking of adopting her if her parents ever lose their rights. Suggestions???

[leenab]

It could really be an age thing. How old is your fd? This past weekend my little nefew was here, and when it was time for my son to have his asthma medications he wanted medicine too. He's 2 1/2 and threw a big tantrum over wanting medicine. So I put some water in a medicine cup and he drank it. Said, " Thank you Aunt Leena" and went off to play with his cousins. This is such a common thing. Kids at that age want what they want when they want it. In fact he even had to use lotion after his bath like my sons.

Is your fd on a multi-vitamin? Maybe this could be her daily medicine.

As a foster parent you can get therapy for your fd. I have learned to just call for a referral from the cwer or supervisor. If that doesn't work the foster parent ID letter does say you can arrange for therapy on your own. You pediatrican may be able to give you the name of therapists in your area. There are a lot of providers throughout NJ that DYFS contracts with. If things get really bad, like your fdaughter is putting the other children in your home or herself at risk there's always Crisis Intervention/Mobile Response Unit. They can come out, stablize her and get therapy started.

Hang in there,
Leena

[wants2adopt]

THANK YOU! I didn't know I could arrange therapy for her. Two caseworkers ago told me I am not allowed to take her to a family dentist of my choosing or have any dental care done with her because DYFS arranges all her care other than regular pediatrician appointments. She's not physically harming the other children, but mentally she's changing the atmousfere. We were going to do the fake medicine thing, but with her wanting the meds SO badly because she has parents that took drugs in front of her all the time we thought that might encourage her interest leading to a drug addiction later. Today she's screaming about her feet being on fire and growing so much she needs medicine. It's a cry for help, but the caseworker today tells me she's waiting for a call to start her somewhere soon. Maybe next week she can start. I want someone in my home NOW to help teach me to deal with her mental break downs because I haven't been trained for this.

[leenab]

We've only had major dental issues with one child. But she required major oral surgury for which she had to be put under. In cases like that the bioparents had to give consent for and it had to go before a judge. I was able to get her a check up, x-rays and cleaning. But none of her 13 cavaties could be filled. And she was just 2.

We've had to call Early Intervention for children as well as arrage therapy. We've taken a few children to the ER for asthma attacks.

Cwers are always a bit reluctant to put young children in therapy. At least that was our experience with our youngest son. His cwer repeatedly told us he was fine and things were normal. We begged for therapy and were told no. It wasn't until we threatened to disrupt that we actually got the therapy (which helped a ton!). The therapist was great, gave us ways to deal with our son's behaviors and talked to him about a lot of things. We have had therapists though who aren't that great. Ones who don't want to ask the children the tough questions or stir up issues.

After that another cwer told me we could just arrange for therapy on our own and let DYFS know who the therapist was.

One thing I've come to realize since being a parent is that children from fostercare need a lot of structure and schedule in their lives. If our schedule is even a bit off things can get crazy fast.

Have you talked to your fd about drugs? The library usually has a lot of great children's books on how bad drugs are. We've read quite a few to our sons and have an ongoing dialogue about what can happen to people who use drugs. I think DARE and MAD both have websites with coloring pages for young children. This might be a way to breach the topic with your fd.

You mentioned that the judge ordered therapy for the whole family, including fd. You may want to call/write to the judge to let him know that fd is not getting therapy. Judge's are often kept in the dark about things until the next court date. You can also attend at the next court date and bring the therapy issue up with the judge. If you plan to do this it would be a good idea to have sent a letter to the cwer and super requesting therapy as well as the GAL. Where does the GAL stand in the therapy issue? Usually they have the best interest of the child in mind (as that's their job). You may want to call her/him and ask about therapy. We've been lucky enough to have some great GAL.