[tobemoms]

Hi Folks~
My spouse just lays on me that she doesnt want to foster...only adopt. We are signed up for the Fost/Adopt orientation coming up through Children's Aid and Family Services...are they all the same classes? How do I get her to understand that getting an infant/toddler with TPR already completed is rare? Is she being unreasonable for not wanting to risk?

[Tammi5143]

Hi There -

First, let me start off my saying that your spouse is not being unreasonable ... maybe realistic.

The fost/adopt program is just that - to foster the child, with the intent to adopt, should that child become legally free for adoption.

This is a risky program - but the risk was worth it to me. I was able to have infants, straight home from the hospital, and am now in the process of finalizing my 4th adoption. Please, don't take me wrong - it is a risky program. My 1st and 3rd adoptions seemed to take years off of me - the chance of reunification, etc. My 2nd and 4th adoptions were a breeze!

There is always that chance of reunification with the birth parents and/or birth family if you get a placement through fost/adopt program. BUT there is that chance that the child will remain with you forever, and you will be his/her "forever family".

If your spouse does not feel that she can go through the possible loss of a child placed with you through the fost/adopt program, then this may not be the route for you to take. And being realistic, you can let her know that it is very, very, very, very rare for an infant to be in the fost/adopt program that has parental rights terminated. In fact, I am not sure if I have ever heard of any children that are already legally free, that are infants, that are in this program. Some older children (maybe 2 and up) could be in this program, where TPR is already pending. This is a less risk of losing the child.

If your spouse wants to go straight adoption, then there is a wait. You will have to go through the training, be matched, and the child will be older, and may come with special needs. Take a look at the Heart Gallery website - you can see some of the children on there. But, not all of the children that are legally free are out on this website.

Regarding whether or not they are the same class, you should call the agency and make sure that the training is that for fost/adopt and foster care. It should be, since the training is basically all lumped into one training now.

I hope I have provided some help - please e-mail me or let me know if you need clarification on anything.

Good luck to you both in your endeavor!

[leenab]

Speaking as someone who has had 2 successful fost/adopt situations and a failed one, We would NEVER do it again. When we lost T to reunification it was very difficult for everyone in our family. Since our sons were both fost/adopt and we were able to adopt them they took it very hard when T was reunified. They wanted to keep her, and her loss was another for them to add to their own.

We moved on to straight adoption, technically we waited a year, but because DYFS goofed up on paperwork (we weren't listed as waiting for the first 6 months) it officially took us 6 months to find our daughters. We actually found them because of Just Babies. The girls are older with some special needs, but they are ours. TPR is long gone and once they move in they're here to stay. Emotionally it's much easier on us all.

So I completely understand your spouse.