[wants2adopt]

I am completely baffled at why God gives such sick people children and good people fertility problems. I am fostering 3 children now who are wonderful, yet their parents (who might get them back with the judges pushing for reunification) have done everything to abandon them, abuse them, not care properly for them physically, and placed their lives in danger more than once. How many times DO children have to be back in their parents' care before the people who've fostered them for months can adopt them? I've heard children can be in foster care for 2 years before rights are terminated. My husband thinks if we stop giving the parents visitation they might actually earn the right to see their children by doing what the courts order rather than hiring expensive lawyers and making false accusations against foster families and DYFS employees. I was raised by a single mom with alcoholic tendancies and you don't see me using that as an excuse to screw up mine and my children's lives. If someone took my kids away and said DO THIS TO SEE THEM AGAIN I would immediately. Comments?

[jerzeegrrl87]

I agree with your husband. Why can't the judges see through the lies?
I keep wondering how they get the money to hire those lawyers.

[MsPoppy]

Like Ive heard SOOOOOO many times on these boards, its ALL about the parents rights and to heck with the kids, its enough to make ya puke, I could go on and on and on, but until things change in the system its not gonna do much good , but I hear ya Wanting2adopt







Jeannette

[wants2adopt]

U sound like a straight talker and I like that. How DOES the system change for the better when people are out there at the top levels screwing up and sucking up all the money in the system? My husband thinks I am going to go nuts if I don't just take a job with DYFS and fire some butts. No thanks for the working outside of the home more than seasonally because I LOVE being home with my babies/family. BUT every time we hear of new changes they get sillier. One woman told me she has to visit my home every 2 weeks for 3 months, then once every month for 6 months, and then once a year just to make sure I know there's help and she can do her paperwork that I am a good home for foster children to be adopted by. On top of that I have the caseworkers coming once a month to check my home, the transportation people once a week, the law guardian once in a while, and investigators now and then too who call to see the children for their paperwork. I WANT SOME OF THESE PEOPLES' JOBS! Don't tell me anyone's unemployed in NJ if we have so many people visiting EVERY foster home in NJ so often. Plus what rainforest are we talking about killing off with all this 'paperwork'?
OK I vented. Thanks! Back to playing puzzles with my babies after goldfish and peanutbutter for midmorning snack.

[MsPoppy]

Well said Wanting2adopt!!!!!!!!!!! And I hope you had the lil ones enjoyed your snack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Jeannette

[lohman69]

you shouldnt juge a book bye its cover not every one is perfecti think you should meet the parents befor you juge them or at lest check them out from a distence u no dyfs ant crscked up to be as people say they are they lie to like i said no one is perfect ellen

[saleschick]

How is it that we can all see the problems but none of the law makers can ? Did you know that a bio parent can only be drug tested by doing a urine because a hair follicle or a blood test would be against their rights. Employers can demand a blood test be done for drugs as a condition of employment yet our government can't do it to protect our children.

Makes perfect sense to me.....

[MsPoppy]

No, not everyone is perfect,,,,,, I myself am not perfect, and everyone desrves a SECOND chance, but to let it drag on and on and on and on leaving a child in limbo for years is NOT exceptable in my book, If it was up to me, After the 12 month period or whatever it is if parents have not got it together, NO MORE excuses exstentions, whatever, child/ren should be in thier permanant home, as Ive said before, I could go on all nite but Im sure you get my drift

[saleschick]

I thoroughly agree Ms Poppy - well said - Unforurtunately while DYFS they says they comply with AFSA ( Adoption and Safe Families ACT ) - the truth is they manipulate it The Act states that in the case of a child who has been in foster care under the responsibility of the State for 15 of the most recent 22 months termination proceeings must begin. Unfortunately there is a section thta says unless there is a compelling reason not to NJ has learned to use that and see it as a reason to give bio parents a way to not clean up their act until the last minute. They say - well look now 14 months in - bio parent is NOW doing what they are supposed to and following case plan so we will still pursue reunification

[wants2adopt]

OK met the mom and dad of my foster children that are going back this week. Supposedly the kids are asthmatic and can't be around smokers, yet they are going back to a home with four smokers. The mom said "I don't see why I have to stop when the second hand smoke will kill me just as bad". Also now I'm being asked to hand over EVERYTHING I received or purchased to care for the kids this past 7 months (even the out grown stuff) so she can "have one heck of a yard sale". What about DYFS paying me back for some of this stuff? What am I supposed to do, buy new again for the next foster kids? I don't want to meet anymore parents of my foster kids. I'm in this to adopt and meeting the parents has terrified me for their future.

[wants2adopt]

My foster daughter's parents have moved in together and requested NOW to attend the therapy three caseworkers have been trying to get them to attend for the past 18 months. NOW DYFS asks for her freedom for us to adopt and the judge says not till they've all done their therapy. Poor kids' sick today in the bathroom cause she has to see them again and miss school. Yes therapy would be a great thing, but why couldn't they have started it in the beginning???

[Davidsmom17]

I see the other side of DYFS as a school counselor who has to call them to respond to abuse and neglect claims. Let me tell you that they do a lousy job of that as well! They fail to follow up on reports, keep the kids in the homes way too long despite abuse issues and don't provide needed counseling and support services. The best thing that ever happened to our state is the new law that says every time I have to call DYFS I also have to report it to the police. Within 10 minutes of my call I have detectives at my building interviewing the child and even taking them for a forensic interview. They will file charges on the parents if needed and get all this done before a case worker even bothers to call back. The good workers seem to burn out and leave for other jobs, leaving behind the lousy ones!

[jerzeegrrl87]

At least in the cases I am aware of, the lawyers representing the bioparents are public defenders- so we're the one paying for it.

[tobemoms]

I hear all of you loud and clear. As my spouse said, for months, sometimes years we tell our fosters "look both ways before you cross", "don't talk to strangers" and wipe their tears. We tell them that they are safe and hold them when they are hurt or sick. But then, in the blink of an eye we have to tell them "It's time to go back with Mommy and Daddy'...who were the antithesis to everything we built we gave them. To me..that is abusive.