[3timesacharm]

Well, we have hit the one year mark. One year since we started the process for adoption through DYFS. We have been approved since the beginning of March, but still no calls. We are starting to wonder if an adoption will ever happen. We are started to get very discouraged. I spoke with my SWer and she tells me that our homestudy is continually being looked at by case managers, but not match so far. I just never thought it would take this long to find a sibling set between 7-12 years. But it is and I just need some encouragment to stay the course. Our SWer tells us that our home is a GREAT one (in her words) yet here we sit and wait. Maybe after summer things will happen. I don't know. How long did it take everyone else? We are going straight adoption.

[momofmore]

Have you tried looking OUTSIDE your state? We are adopting a little guy with special needs from TX, but live in KS. We sent in our homestudy, waited 9 days and were choosen. I think I would look elsewhere.

[cathy102]

Just hang in there...Your child will be with you at the right timing.. Don't give up hope...

Prayers for you...

[Luke+Dawn]

Have you looking into Heart Gallery NJ yet? There are lots of children listed there ready for adoption. You can Google it to find the web page. You will see lots of kids waiting for a great family. There are various ages, races and special needs. Good Luck...the best things come to those who wait! God bless.

[3timesacharm]

Thanks everyone. Because we live in New Jersey we have been told by the state that they "own" the homestudy and therefore will not release it to another state. If we want to adopt out of state, we would have to go through the same process over again in that state. By then, any child we might have been interested in will probably not be available any longer. Yes, I have been looking at the heartgallery site. We have even called about a few of the kids, but were told by our SWer that they (the kids we called about) had too many issues and would not work well in our family. One was classified severly emotionally disturbed. Another had multiple and severe disabilities and the sibling set was in the process of visiting with a potential adoptive family and we would have to wait and see if that worked out for them. So here we sit and wait I guess. I just hate this! Our 2 bio boys, ages 15 and 11 are also loosing hope. But I guess it is out of our hands at this point. Thank you for you kind words. They did help.

[Howdy]

Maybe you could ask your s/w if there are any short term foster children you could accept as long as that would not interfere with being selected for an adoptable sibling set. When I was waiting between foster-to-adopt placements, I told my s/w I was going to be on vacation for a week, and they found me a one week placement of a very nice 7 yr old boy, we had a lot of fun and it kept me from feeling too desparate. The year before I had started applying for children with too many issues, just because I was feeling like the wait was too long and I wanted a kid sooner. Luckily that year the most perfect kid became available before the committees for the troubled kids. But I realized my narrow escape and that is why I wanted the short term kid this past winter, which really worked great to release the built up motherhood-desire-pressure.

[leenab]

It seems to be slow going in the south. We still haven't had a fost/adopt placement and it's been over 8 months now. And as far as adoptive placments still haven't heard a thing. I did call about a few children on the Heart Gallery and never got a call back.

We stopped doing foster completely after loosing T to her biograndma.

It is so hard to wait. But I've been focussing on my sons and it seems to make all the difference.

Hang in there,
LeenaB

[saleschick]

My DH and I have been waiting 11 months for a fost adopt. We currently have a 2 yr old foster daughter who has been living with us going on 12 months the end of this month. The bio mom who has a drug history of 13 yrs is now clean for 14 weeks ( without rehab ) so DYFS is doing the reunification dance. Everyone is telling me to just play the game and the mom will screw up ( I hate to see that happen but love my fd very much and dont want to lose her). If She does get reunified per the plan, I doubt I can do this again. The hubby and I have discussed a private homestudy. It's about $1000 but at least we'll own it and can send it to any state we want. Might be an option for you. Just a thought.

[julieanne]

IF you do decide to go private, you can PM me for the name of a private agency I used back in 2000. They are a very well respected agency, with a long history in NJ. They are located up north. I had a hiccup with them, but most folks have great experiences. Five years ago the HS cost me $1100. I don't know what the cost would be today. You do have a lot of control of what goes into your HS, as a private consumer. However, back then, I found that going private was not sufficient if I wanted to adopt from a state agency. For example, any state you adopt from is going to want documentation of PATH training -- all states have similar training. Also, because pre-adoptive placements are legally foster children, you have to be licensed as a foster parent too. Going through DYFS means dual certification in one step.

However, let me add that you don't have to go private just to get a copy of your HS. You can get a copy of your HS from DYFS. All third party info will be omitted in the copy provided to you, but it's enough to get the ball rolling with another state. Once you have your copy, you can submit it on children perhaps that you have seen photolisted, and if a social worker is interested in pursuing a match, they will go after DYFS to get an official copy. It's only official if it comes directly from Trenton.

Doing all the legwork to find your own child, by using the photolistings, is hard work. Social workers in different states will respond to you on a number of levels. Some will jump at talking to you, others will refuse to have any contact with you and insist on only speaking to your worker. Some states are easy to work with, others are as much of a nightmare as NJ (which has a reputation of being one of the most difficult states to deal with, to the point that other states will cringe when they find out where you live). DYFS dragged their behinds as much as they could with my family. I repeatedly had to send reminders of their legal obligations to me. It also helped that I often made them aware that their actions were hurting a child most, not me.

Once I got a hold of my copy, I was not the least bit surprised to find a number of errors in fact. It galls me to think that they can have a document on you, and think they don't even owe you the courtesy of (at the least) critiquing the final product.

Having it in hand ,eans I can fax it to workers who are interested. I have developed contacts in other states and since placement of chld number 1, I now have other workers calling me about other children. But funny, as much as I was willing to accept (and my adopted son has numerous special needs and is 11 years old and Black), DYFS never calls.