[mc9811]

HELP! I am becoming so frustrated and was wondering who else out there may be in the same boat as me. I have been approved to adopt through NJ DYFS. I was approved a year ago and am still waiting. I had requested a girl, any race, between newborn and 3 years old and I am still waiting. I received a letter from DYFS about the Boarder Baby program a few weeks ago but even though I responded to the letter right away I am still waiting for someone to call me to talk to me about it. I have received phone calls from DYFS in response to my many calls but no one seems to know anything about the Boarder Baby (I kinda hate that term...sounds so cold) being opened up to those in the adoption program. All I found out so far is that I would have to switch from the adoption only to the Fost-adopt program. I heard that there are quite a few persons who responded to the same letter I received. Is there anyone out there who is in the same situation. I am so FRUSTRATED with DYFS. Also, is there anyone out there who has been waiting a long time for an adoption match? I feel so alone in this but I know there have to be others I can communicate with who know how I feel.

Thanks!

[leenab]

Hi Martie,
We are liscenced for fost/adopt and adoption. And got our first placement 6 days after being liscenced. He is a little boy ( 2 yr * months old) in Fost/Adopt and legally available for adoption. The plan is that he will be our fost/adopt child for 6 months and then we will adopt him. Our ultimate goal in the program is to ADOPT!

When we started the process Oct 1st, 2003 we knew we wanted to adopt. So fost/adopt seemed to be the route for us.

Our little boy came to us November 18th and is doing really well. His case is in ARC (adoption resource Center). Which if you're doing fost/adopt it's a good place to be.

It looks like you really need to switch to fost/adopt, and get a child who's in ARC. I'm not sure what region you're in. If you live in Essex county you need to talk to Joy Stanton (she's the placement corrdinator for this area (Metropoliatain Regional Office in Newark). Joy knows all about the boarder baby program. She's really AWESOME! And will help you through the process. Thank God for Joy.

If you have more questions email me at NO_SPAM_alinabankal@comcast.net just remove the NO_SPAM_ part of the address.

Hope to hear from you,
LeenaB

[huggle002]

I agree completely with LeenaB. We went to the orientation in Middlesex County in September 2002, and went the fost-adopt route as well. Approximately 2 weeks after we were licensed , in June, we were called for a 12 month old little girl and her newborn brother who we picked up at the hospital. The TPR was done about a month and a half ago and we have already started the adoption paperwork. They should be ours by April. There is of course the risk of the child(ren) being removed due to any type of unexpected circumstance, as these children are in fost adopt because they are not ready to be adopted for many possible reasons, but there is a very good chance they will become available for adoption. DH and I were licensed for 3 children originally, but they have now changed our license to 4 (due to a reinspection of my house recently). We are thrilled to be adopting these 2 little angels, however we have to still remember that nothing is ever written in stone. If they called me with 2 more children I would happily take them even knowing they may have to go...but you have to be prepared for that possibility. Joy Stanton Is so knowledgable, and an amazing worker. She is our caseworker as well, and we adore her..

[mc9811]

To huggle002 and LeenaB:

Thanks so much for your input. I have contacted Joy Stanton and she has already helped me by putting me in touch with the right persons for my area. Even though she does not handle my area, Joy has said she will walk me thru the steps and also keep my social workers informed of what to do. She is definitely a great lady!!! Apparently the problem is I live in Southern New Jersey and the programs here are not as good as in Central and North Jersey. They really haven't had anyone who is interested in the boarder baby program in S. Jersey and I guess no one knew how to handle my requests for help.

Thank you so much for your information. I am grateful that there are those out there willing to help thru this forum.

Take care,

[41deacon]

I semi-agree with everyone who posted. My Wife and I are also in the Fost/Adopt program and have had our Baby Boy since September 23, 2003. Today we recieved a letter from ARC from our new Case Worker. I hope this works in our favor because besides Joy Stanton, we have had no help from anyone else. Joy is the best. Are goal is to Adopt. We got a scare not to long ago when we finally met our first case worker who informed us that there was a distant Uncle who wanted the child. So, far nothing negative has happened. Our child was also a Boarder Baby who came to us straight from the Hospital at 2 1/2 months. As far as we are concerned he is our child. We pray this will work out. There are alot of Boarder Babies at the Hospital where ours was in Newark. I say go with the Fost/Adopt program, atleast you will get a child fast. Good Luck!

[mc9811]

To 41deacon and anyone else reading:

Thanks. I have contacted Joy Stanton and am trying to reach the person she thinks handles this in my area. I hope all works out well in your situation. I think my biggest fear is to lose the child once they are with me. But I guess that is the risk you take. If you or anyone else ever needs to talk or would like to give me an update of your situation, please feel free to email me at mc9811@aol.com. Take care everyone....

[HollyPavlyik]

I have looked all over my area (i'm also in Southern Jersey) and i can't seem to get an answer on the process that you as a Fost/Adopt family would have to go through. I've found a very cute sibling group (twins) that have special needs. I've contacted the office about them. But i also know that nothing can be done until our family goes through some courses... (as i've been reading, i've found this out). I'm a stay at home mom of 4. My younger 3 have ADHD (so i'm very familiar with that). I also have a nephew that is Autistic (God bless him). My nephew doesn't live with me but i help my sister take care of him and his 2 other brothers (whom all seem to be normal... ie: not autistic).
I would love any info that ya'll can give me on this.
Right now we rent a 3 bedroom home, living room, dinning room, bathroom, kitchen and full basement... plus a yard. We are looking to buy next summer... and that house will be bigger than what we have now. ()

If anyone would like to contact me off list please feel free to email me at hollypavlyik@hotmail.com (no spam please).

Thank you agian for all of your help,
Holly

[leenab]

Hi Holly,
You'd have to go through the PATH/PRIDE training (not sure which one it will be as things are changing with the reform).

You should contact the southern regional office about trainings in the area. But unfortunately you will have to wait until training is complete, homestudy and inspection before you can have the sibling group placed with you.

You'll probably have to plan on buying a bigger car as well. We ended up going from a sedan to a mini-van. And if we add a few more children will be in an extended van.

Depending upon the ages & needs of these children they could be placed rather quickly. Usually the younger the child the faster the placement tends to be.

You will most likely need a bigger home as DYFS has sq ft requirements: 50 sq ft per child in a bedroom where the ceiling if at least 7ft high. Additional toddlers under the age of 4 only require 30 sq ft. So you'll want to keep that in mind when looking for a new home. We learned the hard way about ceiling hieght. Our cap cod has sloping ceilings, so it's a sq footage strange situation.

Anyway the fost/adopt program is great. It's very slow moving in the south. We've been on the list almost 3 months with no calls for fost/adopt. There is definately a need for foster homes.

Hope this helps,
LeenaB

[ladyzee]

Hi Martie
I am in Bayonne which is Hudson County, I started out as just adoption just like you and my home was approve in May of 2003 and I had a placement by August. The problem is that when the child was first place by the ARC Metro Region Office there was no parent in the picture and he was 14 months at the time a week before I met him the birthmother mother comes back into the picture and now I still in the same boat. Going back to court every month since December of 2003 and still no answer as to what might happen. As for me “no one has been helpful in DYFS”. I have try taking in more babies but DYFS stated that I couldn’t until everything was completed with this case. Which I don’t understand because when I took the PATH class I was a foster/adopt the I was approve for just adoption but I have a child in my care that “a foster child”. You have to be real careful with DYFS because you never know. If you have a casework call her/him and ask lots of question and if we change to foster/adopt make sure that when you get a placement that you make sure you know that status of the child.

Hope I can be of someone help

[AngelBella031]

I am 23 years old and seperated. I know the odds are against me. I am going to be starting the classes this comming month. I am wondering what I should be looking foward to. When I talk to the case worker it sounds all easy but reading some letters on here. It sounds anything but. Can Someone please help me? Tell me what I am looking foward to. I said I am open to a boy or girl infant to 2 years.