[wants2adopt]

Has anyone looking to adopt privately noticed how crazy the costs are becoming? This isn't a business, it's finding babies/children loving families to be safe, happy, and well cared for within as they turn into adults someday. We've heard from our lawyer about existing married couples keeping 2 children and putting the third up for adoption to pay their debts plus we'd have to pay for legal fees on both ends. Now we are told two 15 year old are having a baby and want money for their college savings. OH MY LORD! How does a great family help these babies find a home without taking out a loan? We were told minimum $20,000 to privately adopt a baby. But someone spread the word you can make money off babies and now we are seing $50,000 which is totally out of our league. Apparently lawyers have found a way around baby selling/brokering, which IS illegal. Is anyone else caught by the pocket book in the adoption process right now?

[tobeafamily]

I think those estimates are high. Most situations don't run that much, even in high-cost areas. And yes, while there are the unethical situations, they are still the minority.

As far as people making adoption plans b/c of financial reasons, yes this is a motivator. As far as having babies for college savings, not only is it highly unusual but it's illegal. In any state where living expenses are involved (BTW they are never 'required', just asked for), the court closely supervises what was paid. They can 'dismiss' any expenses that are not specifically related to pregnancy or documented living expenses (rent, food, utilities, etc.).

As far as how you afford a domestic parental placement adoption, well, you start now living like a parent of a newborn. Set aside at least $500 every month and put it in a savings account. If you can, save more. Have garage sales and home parties to raise money. Ask friends & family to give you gifts to your 'baby fund' in lieu of presents at holidays and birthdays.

Also understand that the, say, $14,000 we spent in total fees & expenses was not paid all at once. Our largest single check was $2300 or so for finalization, and the attorney offered to take in installments if we couldn't do all at once. After that there were four $1,000 checks, the rest were all each under $500 (oh, except the last-minute plane fare, that was $680). B/C we were already setting aside and used to living on less, we were able to 'cash flow' most of our expenses and only had to dip into the 'baby fund' (now 'college fund') a few times.

After finalization, we were able to take advantage of the tax credit and a credit for military families, making our 'net' expense about $2K.

Regina

[sandymomof2]

I know what you mean - although we are not adopting
right now. We have adopted privately twice - our older
daughter is 3.5 and our younger is 1, and both were
newborns when placed with us. We live in NJ but
both girls were born in other states. We were lucky in
that we were not asked to pay any living expenses for
the birthparents - both bmoms lived with their mothers
while they were pregnant and for the most part had
insurance (we did pay about $2000 in medical for our
2nd daughter - mostly the baby's portion of the
hospital). We did pay for counseling for both of the
bmoms, but that wasn't very expensive.

Our first adoption cost $16,000. Our 2nd cost
$30,000, half of which was just legal fees (ours and
the bfamily/baby). We didn't think the 2nd one would
cost so much, but the out of state lawyer was
expensive even though everything went smoothly.
We also advertised for about 1.5 years which added
up ($7,200).

We did check into a local adoption agency when we
wanted to adopt the 2nd time, and they were rather
pricey as well, so we opted for private. I am also
familiar with an agency in PA that friends have used
that I believe now is up to $40,000. I haven't checked
lately - it could be up even higher.

Part of finalizing the adoption is specifying all money
given to or spent on the bfamily. If you told a judge
that you put money into a college fund, I'm sure it
wouldn't be allowed and I would think that would be
considered "baby buying" and the judge wouldn't OK
the adoption. If your lawyer is saying it's
OK to pay their debts or other types of monetary
contributions that are not associated with the
pregnancy, I would get a different lawyer. Our 1st
lawyer seemed to be a bit more open to offering
financial assistance to a potential bmom. Our 2nd
lawyer took a more conservative approach which I
was more comfortable with.

Has anyone given you a breakdown of what would
be included in the $50,000? I would be curious. Does
it includes all medical expenses and some amount
toward living expenses, advertising, home study,
2 lawyers, etc (like a worst case scenario)?
Or are they saying that's what it would really cost?

You don't have to accept a match that would require
that much financial assistance - there are lots of
potential bmoms who have insurance and don't require
living expenses, even if it sounds to you right now like
all the matches are needing big bucks!

Good luck!

Sandy

[Princess Purr]

My husband and I are so ready to be parents and the money part is holding us back. We can't afford to pay $38000 to adopt the child and then still have money left over to pay for all the child's needs and wants. It is so sad that there are people that want this kids so bad and will be such good parents but yet can't adopt because of the $$$

[wants2adopt]

Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. We finally saw the light and went foster/adopt through NJ DYFS because of the costs and long frustration. Within 5 months we were given three foster childrn that went home happily, one foster daughter we will probably adopt by the end of the year (paperwork), and our first SON who will be adopted officially in 2 months. YOU CAN DO THIS and it won't cost you thousands. DYFS pays for day care and preschool for working foster families, they give you a stypen for room/board/clothing, you get WIC checks to assist in food costs, and sometimes there's a lifetime payment if the child qualifies so you can defer future costs or just save up for college. I am a stay home mom now cause my life revolves around my many kids and family's needs, but I have my dream children and didn't have to spend one more minute in a hospital on full bedrest. Contact the 800 # for DYFS and get the information before you spend one more dime on private adoption!

[kimyas]

Originally Posted by wants2adopt

Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. We finally saw the light and went foster/adopt through NJ DYFS because of the costs and long frustration. Within 5 months we were given three foster childrn that went home happily, one foster daughter we will probably adopt by the end of the year (paperwork), and our first SON who will be adopted officially in 2 months. YOU CAN DO THIS and it won't cost you thousands. DYFS pays for day care and preschool for working foster families, they give you a stypen for room/board/clothing, you get WIC checks to assist in food costs, and sometimes there's a lifetime payment if the child qualifies so you can defer future costs or just save up for college. I am a stay home mom now cause my life revolves around my many kids and family's needs, but I have my dream children and didn't have to spend one more minute in a hospital on full bedrest. Contact the 800 # for DYFS and get the information before you spend one more dime on private adoption!

I contacted them and got an application but my husband and I are a little leery. We are afraid to get a child with major disabilites and such. I just dont want to go into this and then the baby has alot of medical problems. Any insight would be helpful.

Kim

[bettynme]

we just started the classes and have spoken with several workers. It is their intent that the adoption go thru. I don't think they would put on you more than you say you can handle.
We attended our first PRIDE class this weekend. (we have the same concerns.) Trainers told us that these children come with a variety of backgrounds and issues. We were told that during our process there will be discussions about what delays and behaviors we could deal with. Also, there are alot of support services available as well as training. There are visits prior to placement, and 6 months before anything can be finalized.

The truth is, many bio children are born with issues of some sort. It's worth exploring. Go with it and see what comes.
Many blessings...

[kimyas]

Yes I just got my paperwork from DYFS and filled it out. So I am looking into DYFS adoptions. I am just waiting for someone to call. Hopefully today and then I can call them back tomorrow as I'm taking the day off tomorrow. If not I will call them myself. I also got an application packet from catholic adoptions and I have to call them with some of my questions regarding their adoptions. Thanks for the reply.

Kim

[allig8r]

Just jumping in... we're on the last leg of getting licensed through DYFS. Like some of you, we live comfortably but can't possibly afford a fortune to adopt--so DYFS is our first stop.

In our PRIDE training, they told us that they will give you the worst-case scenarios because if you feel you can handle what they tell you, you'll be absolutely fine. As a HS teacher, I have 120 kids and I know three of them lost their mothers within the last 2 years. One of them is in a foster placement as a result. Good kids, though.

We're nervous, too. But the pp is right: you could have issues with a bio child. We know because we have one. And his issues could never possibly have been predicted. We're still nervous.

And when you go the adoption route in NJ, you can specify which legal statuses are acceptable to you for adoption. Pay attention to what they are in PRIDE training because there is at least one where the child is free and clear. Period.

I hope this board picks up a bit...!

[christophersmommy]

I agree that the costs can be high, but in some cases the private way is cheaper than through an agency. For us, our birthparents did get exp. money - but it was capped at $3,000 - so that is all we had to pay direct to the birthfamily. All of the other money went either to medical or legal expenses and our own advertising, so I think you can definitely go into this without having to mortgage the house. Our adoption beginning to end cost us about 25K - 6K for the birthmothers medical and 3K were the expenses. Everything else was either legal fees for ad costs.

Good luck.