[NDN]

Originally Posted by LibertyArk

NDN-- this is really great advice. Thank you. I've been reading textbooks on the history, right now it's Debo's "And Still The Waters Run." Also my bdad has taken a strong interest in the ancestry and has begun reading books, too, so we are now discussing the heritage as two students on a similar project. Quite interestingly, although his mom was Cherokee (she recently passed away), she turned away from her heritage because there was deep racism in her area as well as shame for coming from "poor savage folk." I think such racism was propegated by the government and then fostered by the media. By the time my bgandmother came of age, all the radio shows were about cowboys and indians, and, who wanted to be on the side of the 'injuns' when it was more dandy to be a cowboy? but I love what you offer as a way to move forward. I'll encourage my bdad to walk that path with me.

What your Grandmother did was common. One of my grandmothers did the same. She even lied to her childrnen about it until they were grown and found out from family friends-she alway stuck with the "black dutch" lie. Another author that you might look at is Vine Deloria. He is upfront and controversial. He tells things from the point of view of a highly educated traditionalist. Just know going in that some of his views are much different than most peoples, even that of any Native religion that I had heard of-and he is openly hostile to Christianity. But he is a wonderful author that is obviosly caring scars that are common to those of us that are guilty of being Indian in the 21st century.

[redhead73]

I have found this message board very interesting and insightful. This is my story and my big question.

I have found my bio-mother's family but I am still looking for my father's (DOVE FAMILY). My bio Mother's family is Cherokee/Irish on my grandmother's side and Cherokee/English/Choctaw on my grandfather's.

I grew up in an Irish/English home and I am physically white. However, I do posses the facial bone structure of a native person. I have dark red hair/hazel eyes/ivory skin....high prominent cheekbones and what people have dubbed 'bedroom eyes'.


What made things bad is that my parents dubbed a lot of my behaviors as odd, weird....unusual. It made me feel as if there was something very wrong with me. I suppose what made things worse was the fact that when I was around 8yrs old I was convinced that I was seeing,hearing, and dreaming-interacting with people who had passed.

My parents did and still do chalk these things up to my imagination. My biological family (met when I was 30yrs old) however, believe me. I spoke to one of my bio 2nd cousins and she said it runs in the family.

The very first time I met this cousin I told her of a dream that I had and gave her full details. She proceeded to tell me that it sounded as if I were describing where they had grown up in Newton Co, Arkansas.

She also said that I had described her deceased father and got out a picture of him that matched my description. I have been able to tell many people countless details of deceased relatives just upon meeting them for the first time. Even so, my adopted family still feels that it is all in my head.

I often find myself calling up my bio- cousins just to speak to someone who 'gets me'. It makes me feel terrible sometimes that I can't feel the connection that I would like with my adopted family.

There is a huge gap in our belief systems. We (my parents and I) also tend to butt heads over everything. We are so night and day that it's insane to me.

I actually ended up suffering from undiagnosed depression when I was 13yrs old but never received help until I was 27yrs old. This has been another huge crutch in my relationship with my parents.

My bio family has told me that several cases of depression are known throughout our family, and even 1 case of suicide. My adopted family has always seen it as a sign of self pitty or weakness.

I spent my teenage years being told to shrug it off and get over myself. I delt with my depression through such behaviors as self hate, controlling my weight through unspeakable means, alcohol and drug use.
Not until I was 27yrs old and desperate did anyone think to get me help. Even now my adopted family views my depression as something that can be prayed away.

I love my adopted family but these differences have left me distraught, feeling alone, and often times out of place within our family structure.

I have never studied any Native American culture outside of the traditional education system. I would like to learn but I feel as if I would be intruding on someone else's culture regardless of my ancestral heritage. It's just the way that I feel. I don't know how to get beyond it really. My question is ...... would I be? How will other's view or see someone like me?


Thanks,
Red

[ReOcB42008]

I don't know if this helps or not but at least you have some idea of what your roots are. One of the worst things about being an adoptee to me is not knowing WHAT I am - other than American. I look at my features in a mirror and wonder WHAT nationality(ies) I came from. I believe in my heart that there should be a law passed that every child given up for adoption should be given a document with genetic information (health history, race, nationality of the child's birthfamilies) so that they know who and what they are. I jokingly say that I don't know if I am supposed to celebrate St. Pat's Day, Columbus Day or Hannakah! So I celebrate them ALL! giggle! ReO

[catrobins76]

i was adopted at 5 weeks. my bmom was Cherokee from Tennessee who came to Georgia to live w/ relatives &/or friends to have me. she was 14 at the time. my bdad is white. i would love to reconnect w/ my Cherokee roots but i feel as if i would be rejected. i was adopted by a white family. they love me sooo much. but there is a hole in me. i'm now 33. i can't remember not knowing i was adopted - my parents were always very open. but i know so little about my bparents. now that i have kids this weighs on me so much. i wish i could find my bparents (my files are sealed) & learn about their heritage because it is a part of me & my children. i also believe that we should be given a full biological profile when placed for adoption. so we could know of any health issues to look for or just so we can know more about our background. i am trying to get this info. since i was adopted in Gerogia they have a service thru the state that will release non-identifying info. i just found out about it yesterday. i have to fill out a form & pay $35 but at least its something. maybe every state has a program like this.

[Mallon]

Hi catrobins.
By all means try to get the "non=identifying" information": it is YOUR information after all. That they want money for it is bad-- are you sure it's not a third-party profiteer? Here in Washington, I just called the adoption agency and a couple days later they called back with the information, and directed me to a confidential intermediary if I wanted to get a Certificate of Indian Blood to apply for enrollment (that does cost money to pay the bureaucrats for the paperwork).
Hearing the non-ID information was amazing. Like some imaginary "Birth Mother" was suddenly a real person, with a name and a family, they even supplied little details, like the birth father liked to swim, grandfather was a musician, birth mother was going to go to dental hygenist school: all little bits of lives that don't matter much, but they DO matter somehow. I can't describe the feeling, but it was worth the effort.
And, just going this far does not risk any rejection, really. I know how real that fear is!
Anyway if the information is there, go for it, for you and your kids. Good luck!

[catrobins76]

hi Mallon!
i called the GA adoption reunion registry. my best friend works for DFACs (Department of Family & Children Services) here in GA & she said this was the official place to get the info & it is thru the state. GA is notorious for charging a ton to do anything for us lovely Georgia peaches - haha! even then i still have to get a blood quantum & find my surname (which i obviously don't know) on the Baker or Dawes rolls. i have tried to find someone in the Cherokee community to help but so far haven't found anyone. i feel like there's always been a hole where my Cherokee heritage should be. my parents have always encoureged me to understand my Cherokee part of myself. they took me to Cherokee, NC. i was so excited! maybe it was just me, but it seemed the Cherokee people kept looking at me like oh look another part-blood. one teenage guy asked me how much i was white & how much Cherokee (i was 14)? i said either half or a quarter, i was adopted. he looked back at my parents & said obviously. then he went over to his friends & said something & spit at the ground & they walked away. i felt like crap. i just wanted to go home & hide. my daddy told me to hold my head high & if they didn't like me to hell w/ them! so i did but since i've always wondered if no matter how bad i want to be a part of the Cherokee, if they want me to be a part of them? hopefully my non-id info will be here soon. i faxed the form over 2 weeks ago & the said up to 6 weeks - i can't wait!
how about you? are you accepted? i am new at all of this adoption search & really exploring my Cherokee side. i really need a guide or some help. my husband is super supportive as are my a-parents. but they don't know how to help me either. thanks for listening!
Cat