[ROZENWINE]

HI, EVERYONE I HAVE BEEN AN AVID READER OF THE FORUM FOR ABOUT A MONTH NOW. I AM HOPING SOMEONE OUT THERE MAYBE ABLE TO HELP US MUDDLE THROUGH SOME QUESTIONS WE HAVE. WE ARE WANTING TO ADOPT,BUT CAN NOT DECIDE HOW TO GO ABOUT IT. WE ARE UNDECIDED ON WHICH ROUTE TO GO. WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW OTHERS PEOPLES EXPERIENCES IN DEALING WITH THESE DILEMMAS. WHICH IS BETTER TO DO GO THROUGH DFS TO GET HOME STUDY APPROVED OR TO USE A PRIVATE ADOPTION AGENCY? IN OUR MINDS THE DFS WAY IS ALOT CHEAPER, BUT THE PRIVATE AGENCY MAYBE A LOT QUICKER, AND EASIER TO DEAL WITH. ALSO COULD ANYONE RECOMMEND AN AGENCY TO DO A HOMESTUDY IN SOUTHWEST MISSOURI, THAT IS DECENTLY PRICED?

WE ARE REALLY CONFUSED AND WOULD APPRECIATE ANY HELP WE CAN GET!

[lucyjoy]

It depends on what age child you want what agency works best. If your pursuing and older child, DFS or an agency that contracts with them is your best option. If you're looking for an infant or young child, I would suggest a private agency as the DFS wait could be very long. I don't live in your area, so I can't help with what agency.

[bichonlover]

My wife and I adopted back in Sept. 2001 and had many of the same questions that you have. We couldn't decide what type of child was right for us and we about went nuts trying to decide. We found a company, here in Atlanta, that specializes in Adoption Information. They help people start the process of adoption and will help make sure that you are well educated in adoption before going any further. They help you understand the laws in different states, get your homestudy started and even are a sound off board to get more information on different agencies. This really helped us and I am now a mentor for other people who are just starting the process. Check out the internet and the phone book for adoption information companies that may be located near you. I realize you're in SW Mo. so there might even be one in Springfield. Let me know if I can give you any more help..

[ROZENWINE]

WE ARE LOOKING TO ADOPT FROM THE UNITED STATES FOSTER CARE SYSTEM. WE ARE LOOKING FOR A SIBLING GROUP OF 2 OR 3. THEIR AGES CAN RANGE FROM INFANT TO 10, WE HAVE TO BIO CHILDREN AGES 9 & 10 AND THE 10 YEAR OLD HAS REQUESTED TO REMAIN THE OLDEST. WE WON'T COMPLETELY RULE OUT AN INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION, BUT WE DON'T THINK WE CAN AFFORD TO ADOPT A SIBLING GROUP INTERNATIONALLY. HERE ARE THE EXACT THINGS THAT ARE RUNNING THROUGH OUR MINDS.

DFS---THEY REQUIRE US TO TAKE 12 CLASSES, WHICH DON'T START BUT ABOUT EVERY FEW MONTES. PROBLEMS---THE CLASSES WE HAVE TO TAKE ARE USUALLY ONLY OFFERED AT NIGHT AND MY HUSBAND WORKS AT NIGHT AND THIS SEEMS TO FEEL LIKE A PROCESS THAT IS GOING TO TAKE A LONG TIME. WE HAVE ALSO HEARD THAT DFS CAN BE ALOT MORE STRICTER AND HARDER TO WORK WITH.
AGENCY---THE FEW WE HAVE SPOKEN TO TELL THAT THE PROCESS WILL PROBABLY TAKE ABOUT 4 TO 6 WEEKS AND WILL COST ANY WHERE FROM $1000.00 TO $2000.00. PROBLEM-THIS IS A BIG INVESTMENT, WITH NO RETURN GUARANTEE.
SO IS IT WORTH THE RISK TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS?
THANKS FOR THE HELP

[lucyjoy]

If your adopting from foster care in MO they use to require you to take the classes no matter what. You could skip STARS but had to take MAPP. This may have changed, but you might want to check to be sure. They also use to offer SAT classes that were longer days but less of them for people who worked nights. Catholic charities use to contract with them so if they have an office in your area, check with them. DFS will take a private study, but they may make you take the classes before finalization anyway. MO tends to place children fairly quickly in Jackson County, but I don't know about farther south.

[ROZENWINE]

THANKS FOR THE INFO, ONE OTHER QUESTION YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO ANSWER. YOU MAY HAVE ANSWERED IT BUT NOT DIRECTLY. IF YOU CHOOSE TO ADOPT FROM THE FOSTERCARE SYSTEM IN ANOTHER STATE YOU ARE STILL REQUIRED TO TAKE THE CLASSES?

[bichonlover]

I understand exactly what you are going through. Adoption can be very expensive, if you're not totally aware of all the options. I'd still spend the money to talk with an adoption information service, b/c they can better lead you through all the options, and probably help you find situations you didn't know existed (like an adoption attorney). It's great to see that you are doing your "homework"-researching all the options out there. Many people get into adoption, without taking the time to really understand the options and the process, and they end up getting very frustrated and put out. Yes, there will be days you are very discouraged and frustrated, but in the end, it will all be worth it. Here's the website to Adoption Information Services, Inc. (here in GA). If you can't find a company like this near you, may I recommend you contact AIS and ask for a referral closer to you. Hope this helps!!!!
http://www.adoptioninfosvcs.com

FYI: We learned that you still have to take the MAPP classes no matter what state's Foster Care system you adopt from. You really need to check with someone in that state for the specifics of what they require.

[lucyjoy]

You have to follow the homestudy rules for the state you reside in regardless of which state you adopt from. One of the other snags you run into using a private study for a state adoption is the supervision part. In MO, there is a temporary custody hearing before the children are placed with you. Then there's a six month wait before finalization(could be longer if the courts are busy). MO is going to want a lot of supervision during this time period and it could be costly if you have to pay somebody to do these visits. Going straight through DFS or an agency that contracts with them, this is part of the deal and there is no charge.

[ROZENWINE]

OKAY NOW I AM UNDERSTANDING A LITTLE BETTER. THANKS FOR ALL THE INFO. I DID CONTACT THE ADOPTION INFORMATION SERVICES FOR A REFERRAL ALSO. CAN ANYONE TELL ME OF THEIR EXPERIENCES IN GOING THROUGH DFS FOR THEIR ADOPTION? I HAVE HEARD SOME GOOD STORIES THEN I HAVE HEARD SOME HORROR STORIES. THE HORROR STORIES HAVE ME A LITTLE WORRIED.
I AM FOREVER GREATFUL FOR ALL THE GREAT INFORMATION.

[lucyjoy]

When taking in children who have suffered trauma, their are risks.
It's important to be educated about attachment parenting(my opinion). Children who are traumatized are not going to see the world the same as children born into loving families, so the parenting has to be a little different. Children may find it necessary to test new parents.

The social workers I've dealt with have been either really good or really bad. If you're reading a child's file and a sking questions and a worker starts blaming the former foster parents(especially if it's more then one set)for eveything the child does, I question how much the worker isn't telling me. The really good workers tell you what they know straight forward, good or bad, without excuses. They know you need the information to be able to parent the child.

I have found DFS in Mo to be fairly easy to work with. Until recently, post adoption subsidy was easy to obtain. Currantly, MO is having budget problems, so I'm not sure how that will affect
things. They do work slowly, but once you get into a class, things move much more quickly. Usually, someone comes to your house, looks it over to be sure it's safe, has smoke detectors and a fire extinguisher. They give you a large packet of papers to fill out and bring to your class. The biggest hold up is getting into a class. If you bring all your paperwork back to class, things move faster. One your crimnal/childabuse checks and references are back, the worker makes a few more home visits and then you get approved. They tend to be slow at matching adoptive parents with children the first time, so you need to be proactive and let them know you understand adoption issues and are able to handle whatever problems a child brings.

I tend to take children who are more emotionally challenged and I did have one child who was dangerous. He did have a bad social worker who hid files. I believe this is uncomon in our county in Mo because of the large foster parent support group(MFCAA) and the training the workers have had. I'm not sure about your area. Allof the 5 children I adopted through DFS were over 7 and 4 of the five are now normal teenagers(if you can call teenagers normal). The 5th is a lot farther along then he was, but he had a good SW and we were very aware of his challenges up front.

[mckenna]

hello, i am a foster/adopt parent from missouri. you are now required to take STARS and SPAULDING classes. i took the stars traing about 31/2 years ago on sat. mornings for 3 hours a day for 12 weeks. then i just recently took spaulding classes which were two sats for 8 hours. if you have specific questions, i can try to answer them, good luck!

[ROZENWINE]

mckenna, where are you located in missouri? Did you go directly tthrough your local dfs office, or a contrator. My problem is where I live there is one county who takes care of about 5 counties and none of these counties are very large. We actually checked into these classes about 2 years ago and all they were offering at the time was one night class that started every 3 monthes. They did not offer any other times.
Kathy

[kg1]

Hi Rozenwine,

One question I have for you is are you strictly going to be adoption parents or foster parents to adopt?

We are foster parents in MO and adopted a sibling group of 3 in June 2002. More recently we adopted 2 brothers in Jan 2003. We are still waiting to adopt the little sister of the two boys, but she is still not legally free for adoption.

So this goes back to my question if you foster then you have preference over the children that have been placed with you in fostercare. But if you are stictly adoption only parents, then you have to wait until the children are available for adoption. Both have downsides (and up sides). The downside of fostering first is that the initial goal for all fosterchildren is reunification, and it is often heart breaking when DFS returns the children (esp when we know the home is still not good). Although it can be rewarding when you know you have helped a family get back on their feet esp if the bio-parents allow you (as the former foster parent) to keep contact with the children. The up side of fostering first, is you have preference over any one else except the bio family for adoption. Also you have had the child with you in you home and you know all of the "little" details that the caseworker may or may not have told you. This gives you and your family a better evaluation of if the "chemistry" is right and if there are any issues that may be a bigger problem than you previously expected. Also when the child is legally free for adoption you won't have to wait another 6 months if the child has already been with you. The delay for the adoption is only 45 days after termination of parental rights if the child has already been in your home in fostercare for 6 months.

If you are strictly an adoption home, the wait for a child may be longer, as you have to wait until the child is legally free for adoption (or nearly so). Then several families who are interested in adopting a child all submit their homestudies. Their is a panel of people who meet and look over the homestudies and choose which family they think is the best fit for the child. This family is then choosen and "staffed" for adoption. Once this is complete they usually try to transition the child by having visits with the adoptive family and the child with the foster family. They work towards over-night visits, before they move the child to the aoptive placement. After that you have to have the child in your home for 6 months before you can adopt. The big plus here is you have less risk that the child will be returned to the biological family, although in a few cases it can still happen. If you want to totally a vaoid this you can talk with the caseworker and verify that parental rights have been terminated (TPR) and that 30 days have passed for the TPR. (30 days is the std maximum in MO for the parents to appeal the courts desion).

As for you questions about the homestudy and who to go through, I would say stay with DFS or a DFS affiliate like Catholic Charities. If you go through somewhere else and they miss anything you have to start over. As for the classes, for both STARS and Spaulding (to adopt), they offer them in the evening (one night a week for a series of weeks), but do still have some "marathon" classes on Saturdays that last roughly 8 hours for the day. If they are not available in the county you are in, sometimes DFS will allow you to take the classes in a neighboring county, so check on that as well.

Good luck,
Kathy (yes I am a Kathy too...)

[ROZENWINE]

Thanks Kathy, you gave me some new information to think about. We are not sure in we want to foster or just adopt. we are sure how well we would deal with the heartbreak and we are not sure how our children would deal with it. We finally managed to get a hold of the social worker in charge of foster and adoptions ( she takes care of 10 counties!). She only offers night classes. So i guess we are going to have to go to my husband's employer and see if my husband can get the time off. I am not feeling too lucky about this.


questions:
Has any one ever went through Cathlic Charities in Springfield? Are they a contrsctor with dfs? I know they are supposed to be in St. Louis.

When you are a foster parent how does dfs feel about you not having a full time stay at home parent? I am a part-time nursing student.

Thanks everyone SO very much for all the information. Keeep it coming.

Kathy

[kg1]

We are in the Kansas City area and went through DFS, but I know Catholic charities does do some of the home studies here as well.

As for not having a full time stay at home parent, DFS is usually okay with that as well. Both my husband and I work outside the home. (Lord knows we both work over-time in the home!!!) DFS did ask if one of us could stay at home full time "since we were taking on so many children". We have 7, one biological, 5 adopted and one in foster care that we are trying to adopt as soon as we get through the legal garbage, we are still praying intently for this one!!!. We laughed, since adoption subsidy doesn't really cover the expenses and we still need health insurance, food, and a roof over our heads.

FYI adoption subsidy in MO is $225 / month or roughly $7.50 a day per child, and school lunches eat up $1.50 a day of that. So this leaves us with $6.00 a day for food, clothing, toys, laundery, additional utilities, diapers, sports, activities, gifts, tooth fairy etc... and all of those other little extras that kids really need to have a "normal" life. I would love for someone within DFS or the State government to show me how I could budget this and be a stay at home parent. Our grocery bill is roughly $1400/ month, and I am a thifty shopper. We go through approx 40 gallons of milk a month, and do over 120 loads of laundery. Although since the state is several million over budget, I don't really I want them managing my finances!!! (We have enough issues on our own)

As for to foster or just strictly adopt, that is one of the questions I routinely asked the caseworker when we took a child. Specifically, "What is the likelyhood this child will go to permanancy (aka adoption)?" At least when we knew the answer up front we could talk about it and better prepare ourselves. This includes telling the other children in our home. When you have a child for just a few months and you know they are going back home from the beginning it is a little easier. We tell the kids that this is just a temporary stay for the new child until the mom can fix whatever it is. Then it is more like having a friend come for a long visit.

Hope this helps...
again good luck
Kathy