[Kim Darrough]

Andromeda - thank you for your postings - they are really wonderful - I get a lot of comfort from them! I am an adoptee searching for my birth family and have not been too successful yet - I do have my non-id info that gives me some comfort - but I have heard that often parts of it are fabricated or twisted a bit. Have you found that to be true in your searching. I am a social worker, myself and have done social history's and couldn't even believe that anyone could fabricate or twist the facts. I really want to believe that the things that are written in my non-id info. are the truth.

So what is the word about this out there?

Kim
8-6-68 - KCMO

[andromeda]

Hello Kim,

As a birthmother who has a copy of my adoption history file, I have to say mine is relatively accurate. However, it may not be everything that was in my actual file. I'll never know for I didn't access it myself. What I do know that was omitted is the one request I made for my son in 1963. I asked that he go to a Catholic family and there is no mention of that in my history. He did not go to a Catholic family and I'm certain that it was left out simply because it didn't 'fit' with the (insane) concept of 'matching' the baby to the family. Also, there is no copy of the psychiatric tests my family paid extra for me to take ($30) nor any mention of them or the results.

As I said before the information on birthmothers was definitely designed to portray a certain mindset and it wasn't that the girls loved and wanted to keep their babies. At Crit in 1962-63, we were told all the time that we 'did not want our babies'. It was drummed into us at every opportunity. We were told that we wanted to go to school, have boyfriends, have jobs, a life and that a baby would not allow us to have the life we wanted. Those were the words of the home's director, day in and day out. The nurses also said the same things. We girls didn't say it; the management of the home said it. Over and over and over.

You asked about the word out there. I imagine things have changed given that attitudes have changed in this country in the last 40 years. However, most birthmothers I have met from the 60's and 70's believe they were lied to, coerced and given no choice other than to give up their babies to adoption. It took the cooperation of adoption professionals and girl's families to do it. But families of 'girls in trouble' wanted mostly to be rid of the problem. Few gave a thought to long term damage they might be doing to their own daughters. And social workers of the day certainly didn't point out any negatives for a girl who gave up a baby for adoption. Perceived approval from the girl's family gave adoption agencies and maternity homes a blank check and complete control in determining how the 'problem pregnancy' and subsequent baby were handled.

A birthmother friend and I were talking last week about that fact that none of us girls were represented by an attorney. It never came up. The home/agency had an attorney. The adoptive parents had an attorney. But the birthmother did not. We had no one looking out for our rights and I think the potential for abuse was built right into closed adoptions. No one would ever know. And since adoption records were sealed, there was little incentive to act ethically if they chose not to. And I believe, many agencies did not. Probably a gray area type of thing, not outright illegal stuff. Sort of an 'end justifying the means' justification, I'll bet. Shortcuts. That sort of thing.

Lynn

[Kim Darrough]

Andromeda - thank you for your quick reply - I am sorry that "the system" treated you and other birth mother's so poorly. There is a lot of bad press out there about adoption - even now-a-days - and I can understand where it came from. I work in a school system and see young girls that don't even consider the option of adoption, but then keep their children, only to not be able to care for them properly. Or the excitement of having a little baby to take care of eventually wears off and the child becomes a bother. I used to work in a group home for teenagers and I would see so many children that had become a bother to their parents end up there because they were no longer fun to dress up and show off.
I am for adoption, but I firmly believe that all parties need to be treated respectfully and honestly. No matter what those administrators and nurses said 30 or 40 years ago, please believe that you did a very wonderful thing. You gave the gift of life to someone that was unable to have that life.
I wish that "the system" was different and was helpfull! I don't know for sure what it would take to make the necessary changes to make things more workable, but I am willing to do what I can. I want to be able to finish my story, not only for my own peace of mind - but I want to do it for my children!
Thank you for letting me blow and go!
Kim

[SISNLAW]

I am in desperate need of help i have looked and looked with nothing to gain i am searching for my husbands sister she was born in april of 1971 the birth name was paulette lyle if she looks anything like her mother she would be short and skinny hehe just like her brother she also has a nephew i do know that bmom knows i am doing this search and she is ok with it however she is scared to be regected by her bdaughter please if anyone knows anything please let me know she was in florence crittenton in kansas city missouri and this state sucks when it comes to helping bmoms or adoptees please help if u can

[bethanymonov86]

I am very sorry that you had such a terrible experience with your birthmother. Please know that not all birthmothers are like that. I personally am counting odwn the days until my daughter contacts me and will welcome her with open arms! Keep the faith...I am sure someone in your birthfamily will want to have contact with you..if not at least you had a loving adopted family to raise you..

[Smile]

I feel for you, I am a 1/2 sibiling of an UN KNOWN....my mother gave a child up in or around 1949, she will NOT tell me much, she as well said it was an assult situation. I am not really sure why I am searching except I have no contact with my mother nor other siblings and just want that UNKNOWN to KNOW that there is someone that cares about the PERSON, not the details. Good luck in your search!

[SISNLAW2]

can u tell me your friends bdate and if they are male or female i am searching for an adoptee

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by Smile

I feel for you, I am a 1/2 sibiling of an UN KNOWN....my mother gave a child up in or around 1949, she will NOT tell me much, she as well said it was an assult situation. I am not really sure why I am searching except I have no contact with my mother nor other siblings and just want that UNKNOWN to KNOW that there is someone that cares about the PERSON, not the details. Good luck in your search!

I wish I could say I was your UNKNOWN...I just learned by way of the SSDI that my biomother dies last Sept. I have half sibs and have no idea how or if I should try to make a connection..3 months may be a bit too soon..and like your situation, my bmom told me I was the result of an assault...

[l79m20]

My mother was adopted out of St. Antony's in 1923 and spent the rest of her life in the shadow of not knowing much about her bp's. Shortly after her death i was able to get to kcmo and within an hour at the courthouse I had her Original BC with her natural parents listed. Mom would have been surprised. My question is now where to go for information. She was deliverd by Dr. M A Hanna, and attorney Hal H Thurston did the legal for her Adoptive Parents. I know that sometimes the bp would use alias but would they on the BC. Any help or guidence would be appreciated. My mom said that her adoptive mom would go down and get a baby keep it for a year then bring it back, she did this several years before husband put a stop to it and kept my mom. Good luck to everyone searching.................Joe

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by l79m20

My mother was adopted out of St. Antony's in 1923 and spent the rest of her life in the shadow of not knowing much about her bp's. Shortly after her death i was able to get to kcmo and within an hour at the courthouse I had her Original BC with her natural parents listed. Mom would have been surprised. My question is now where to go for information. She was deliverd by Dr. M A Hanna, and attorney Hal H Thurston did the legal for her Adoptive Parents. I know that sometimes the bp would use alias but would they on the BC. Any help or guidence would be appreciated. My mom said that her adoptive mom would go down and get a baby keep it for a year then bring it back, she did this several years before husband put a stop to it and kept my mom. Good luck to everyone searching.................Joe

How in the world were you able to get her Original Birth Certificate? Was it because your mom was deceased that the court allowed the release of the information? How does this work that the daughter of an adoptee can get this original birth certificate and we adoptees cannot. Many of us out here will be keen to know. Please reply as many of us graudates of ST Anthony's and perhaps other orphanages in KC would be eager to have the same success. All we want is to know who we are. Did you got to the court or to CC or did you try both?