[USArmyWife1982]

So my husband and I cant have children for some reason. So we decided we wanted to adopt. Only problem is that he is militarym and now we are being shunned because of it, which i never saw coming. The dept. of human services here in Hawaii dont want to adopt out to the military couples who could give a child a very loving home, complete guarenteed medical benifits, guarenteed housing, food, and money, and new life experiences, instead they'd rather bounce kids from home to home to home... i just dont understand this.. will we ever be able to adopt... i guess as long as he is military and able to provide for a family we wont be able too..... Anyone know if there are special people on post we can go to about this ???

[tobeafamily]

Well, first of all who at DFYS/DFCS is communicating reluctance to place with you because of DH's AD status? I'd begin to raise he!! on that one because it's discriminatory. Talk to somone higher up, call the State Attorney General, write your Senators and Representatives.

Surprisingly, our experience was opposite - DH was AD/USN at the time we started (now RET) our process and his military status was viewed as positive rather than negative. International agencies loved that there's no pre-existing condition for military healthcare, we got good benefits, etc. We ended up adopting through domestic parental placement for personal reasons, and our military status was so not an issue.

We've got friends though who adopted waiting children and ran into none of your issues so I expect this is a personal, rather than a state issue. Adoption is about perserverence, ceative problem solving and determination. So don't give up, heck look and see if you can adopt through DFYS/CS in your home of record state?

Hang in there.

Regina

[ahfdragonfly]

I don't have too much info, but I do know that even as non-military, we were not comfortable with domestic or fost / adopt for several reasons. It just wasn't a good match for us, & felt uncomfortale. We adopted from South Korea last year & I know of 1 Navy family in our area (AD) who just adopted a little boy from Korea a couple months ago. Might be an avenue to look into.

Once we started the process, I thought the stress was much less than what we went through with the infertility. Stay strong & research until you find a comfortable fit, that works for you.

Millie

[jaymo]

Hey there, maybe you should consider contacting a private agency. We live in HI also although we are adopting internationally. There are also some states in which you can adopt from without living in that state. Which base are you on? Send me a PM and maybe I can get you pointed in the right direction .... adopting inthe military IS possible ... there are just some minor (although major at the time!) that you will need to climb over but as a military spouse .... YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING!!!
Maura.

Originally Posted by USArmyWife1982

So my husband and I cant have children for some reason. So we decided we wanted to adopt. Only problem is that he is militarym and now we are being shunned because of it, which i never saw coming. The dept. of human services here in Hawaii dont want to adopt out to the military couples who could give a child a very loving home, complete guarenteed medical benifits, guarenteed housing, food, and money, and new life experiences, instead they'd rather bounce kids from home to home to home... i just dont understand this.. will we ever be able to adopt... i guess as long as he is military and able to provide for a family we wont be able too..... Anyone know if there are special people on post we can go to about this ???

[steph4673]

We're military and adopting through a facilitator. They loved us because of all the guarantees we can give to a child. PM me if you want more info. on who we're using and what we're experienced so far!

[thereedgirls]

I live in Hawaii also and have completed everything for adoption through foster care. We have even put down at-risk placements. We haven't had one call yet and we have been on the lst since right after T-giving. Jaymo and usarmmywife1982, where in Hawaii are you? I'd like to get some info from you.

Karne

[sneezyone]

I know this is probably very frustrating for you, but it's important to realize that most of the kids in foster care here are Native Hawaiian. They have access to culture, rights and priviledges here that they would not have in the mainland. As I understand it, social workers are, understandably, very reluctant to place them with families that may not be ready, willing or able to keep them connected to their culture and families. It has nothing to do with you being military and everything to do with the increased risk that these children will be removed from their aina, their ohana, and suffer as a result.

There was a story on TV just tonight about the large numbers of Native Hawaiian kids that run away from their foster care placements (foster homes are predominantly non-native). This type of problem is the same reason why there are extra precautions in place when adopting or fostering Native American kids. The communities and cultures are distinct enough and at-risk enough to warrant additional caution/protection.

That said, I've read some posts on the boards about people having better luck in HI if they become foster parents and don't advertise/emphasize their interest in adoption. But, I still say you might want to consider adopting a waiting child in the mainland or participating a stateside infant adoption program.

FYI - DH and I are also military and we had no trouble at all adopting in the mainland before coming to Hawaii. Most agencies recognize that our communities tend to be more diverse, benefits more generous, etc., and react accordingly. Do a search on the boards for military and Hawaii and see what you find. Good luck!