[ndkaff]

I am not sure how to even start this.
We have been selected by a birthmother to adopt her bi-racial baby.
The baby boy was born last Tues. I was able to be in the OR during the delivery. Husband and I went up the the hospital several times to see birthmom and baby. Brought home the baby on Friday. Get a call from our caseworker yesterday (mon. 3-31) that birthmother had a change of heart and wants the baby back
so we had to return the beautiful baby boy yesterday afternoon.
Well, at around 7:15a.m. this morning birthmom calls us and says she would like us to take S*** back
My husband and I had our bags back to go down to FL for a couple of weeks to get over all this.
We would love to go and bring this beautiful boy home...but are afraid of the birthmom changing her mind again.
We are going to the agency at 3:00 to have a meeting.
What we would like to happen, as hard as it will be. Is to put the baby in a temp. foster home for 2-3 days to give the birthmom time to really think this through. After 2-3 days if she still wants us to adopt S*** then my husband would be esstatic to go and pick him up and bring him home.
I just don't know what to do or think right now

[bromanchik]

Some of the best agencies in the country teach their prospective adoptive parents to think of themselves as foster parents.....that is as a resource to prospective birthparents as they think about what was best for the child.

One of the reasons I actually picked my son's parents was because they were willing to be there for me and my son no matter what the outcome because it was the best thing for the baby.

Changing your perspective on the situation might make all the difference in the world.

[hopefulmom]

I think your idea about a temporary foster placement is a good one. That will give bmom the time to decide for sure what she wants. Reassure her that you still want the baby but want to make sure that's what she wants to happen. I think it would be easier for me to let go if a baby was with a foster placement when bmom wanted him back than if he was in my home for several days. You will still have time to bond if bmom decides for sure that she wants you and your husband to be his parents. And I would postpone the Florida trip until this is resolved. I would want to be nearby until things were settled.

Just my 2 cents!
Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you

Marnie

[ndkaff]

Just a little update..
My husband and I met with the birthmom at the agency for a meeting. She didn't like the fact of putting her baby in a foster home for a couple of days...
She said that she will care for her baby for 2-3 days and then make a decision...if she still wants to place him up for adoption.
My husband and I said that we needed to get away for a couple of days. We said that we will try to stay max. 5-6 hours away and gave her our cell phone number.
Well, Friday morning(april 4th) our caseworker calls us. (we went to chicago) and tells us that our birthmom would like us to come and pick S*** up. So we packed up our stuff and left.
We brought S*** home around 5:00p.m. Friday.
The birthmom mentioned that she thought that she needed those 3-4 days with the baby as closure. She promised that she will not be changing her mind again. Let's just hope that is true