Not to contradict jl cauling (sorry hun), but there is no point buying them something to take their clothes back home with them in.

Not a problem, live and learn!

[szypzz]

Thanks so much. Now I know better what to start accumulating. I might even pick up some RID tomorrow, just in case.

[szypzz]

How do you handle "rules" for a child new to your home in the age range of 5-8 years old? Some information I was given was to make a few general rules like Obey your parents, Love God, Do your best in school, and don't do drugs. Then other information I was given said that since these children are new to your home and probably had very different experiences at the home(s) they've been in before you might want to give them very specific instruction to take away anxiety, such as "When you wake up you may play in your room until we come get you" or "When you wake up you may knock on our bedroom door to let us know you are awake", etc. I'm just a little confused with the conflicting information. Or maybe I'm reading it wrong and it's not conflicting and to use both together. Maybe it's different for each child?

Any insight and "real-life" rules lists will be appreciated.

Some information I was given was to make a few general rules like Obey your parents, Love God, Do your best in school, and don't do drugs. Then other information I was given said that since these children are new to your home and probably had very different experiences at the home(s) they've been in before you might want to give them very specific instruction to take away anxiety, such as "When you wake up you may play in your room until we come get you" or "When you wake up you may knock on our bedroom door to let us know you are awake", etc.

I think you should show the child around the house this is your room, this is the play room where you can go when you wake up in the morning, this is our bedroom, you will knock before you enter, this is the bathroom, you will knock before you enter, etc are important.

IMO, and I discussed this with the MARE folks, I like making up the rules with the kids after a day or two. That way you can decide what is fair and equitable. Obviously, there are many rules which are not negotiable!

great questions szy, I can't wait to read the other responses!

[DeniseM]

Hi,
We are finally adopting oyr 4 year old AA foster son (FINALLY!!!)
Make sure when you get a placement that you check out the child for any cuts, bruises, scars etc. and report these to the SW. This will just protect you if future questions arise.
At first the SW would bring our little guy on his visits with bmom but he did not do well after. I began to bring him on visits and his behavior has been much better. I guess it depends on the child the SW and you.
We have had other children in and out of our home on respite and that always bothers me a bit. I feel bad for the child. If they are to be considered part of a family, then they should attend family vacations and the such.

[szypzz]

Congrats on your adoption!! How long was your son in your home before you were able to begin the adoption?

Thanks for the info on cuts and stuff. Good to know.

[DeniseM]

We have had our guy for about 18 months now.
It has truly been an uphill battle but we found out in September that parental rights were going to be terminated. And we just got the court date last week for the adoption. He has had a traumatic life prior to him being placed with us and we could not imagine him ever having to go back to that life again. Also, let me say that it was definately LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT with this little guy. Almost like fate, if you believe in that sort of thing, but I would have laid down my life for him. We have 3 daughters of our own and we really didn't enter the foster care system for adoption purposes but am I ever glad that I did find this wonderful child or maybe he found us. We are entering an open adoption with his bmom and she will see him (with us at a public place) 3 times a year.
Any questions you may have feel free to ask, I've been through alot with the foster and legal systems my soon to be LEGAL SON!!! If you want you can e--mail me dmontana45@aol.com

[mckenna]

i am adoptin my foster son and trying to enter in to an open adoption. who is going to arrange the visits for you? how are you going to meet with his bmom? this is a big obstacle for us right now, because due to my son's bmom's past i don't feel comfortable with her having my phone number but dfs does not facilitate visits once the adoption is final.

[DeniseM]

Our lawyer arranged the visitation and the bmom signed the adoption agreement contract in court. I also do not want bmom having my phone or address due to her past so the the adoption agreement contract- I stated that I would provide bmom with a P.O Box number and the lawyers said that bmom would have to write to us 1 month before the visit (ours are April, June, and november, these months were picked by bmom) to let me know how to contact her to arrange day, time and place of visit. Also, in our contract we had put in that only she can attend these visits , no extended family members of hers. If she fails to contact us 1 month before or if we schedule a visit and she doesn't show for 3 consecutive visits we are no longer responsible (Legally) to bring him to any more.

[Cleopatrick]

Oooh, you just come up with the most challenging questions don't you??? lol For sure do what Jl said, show them around the house. Let them know which room is there, where the towels are kept, anyplaces that are off limits if you have any (we don't, some do), where the snacks they can have are, ect ect, so the house is not strange to them. Even show them the areas that are off limits so it doesn't feel "strange" to them. For rules, what we have is a printed paper with the basic rules on it. We actually have different ones for older and younger kids since we span infant to 18 years old. For the older ones we have things like no swearing, no using computer without permission, must let us know where you are at all times, things like that. For the younger kids we have things like bedtimes, boundries of where they can go (real young - fenced in back yard up to teen agers - park and friends as long as I know where they are), ect. You will find though that Jl is right about this also, each kid is so different that you can't always predict rules you will need. We had a little boy that used to get up in the middle of the night and try and get a drink from the fridge and usually forgot to close it. One of his rules was that he had to wake us up, lol. It's good not to overwhelm them with a long list of rules when they walk in the door. Just the really important ones, the rest can come as you go along. As always, just my humble opinion, lol.

Congrats Denise and McKenna!

This stupid snow may prevent our caseworker from visiting today! We're supposed to be finishing our homestudy!

I'm crossing everything that the snow lets up and soon!

[szypzz]

YIKES!! I'll cross everything too, for the snow to let up and the case worker to make it. Hope all goes well WHEN she/he gets there. GREAT luck and let me know what happens!!

I talked to her at 11:15, she was leaving the Flint area at 11:30 to come down here for our 1p. She said she would call if she couldn't make it and I have not yet heard from her. It looks like we are on!

[szypzz]

Excellent sounds like it was a go! In fact you are probably in the midst right now. Hope all is well!!

Talk to you soon!!

the homestudy is done except for one thing, a reference from one of my friends I asked her a week ago to please finish it and fax it over and still....nuthin!

We are now looking for a match! yay!