Did it go as planned yesterday?

Our CW called Friday morning, she's coming out again Tuesday night to meet with us. I have a lot more paperwork to give her too!

I'm excited! It's getting closer and closer!

Where did everybody go?

I hope things are going well with you. We had our CW visit, it went fine. She wants a letter from the person who will raise our child in the event of our death. Sort of scary to choose a guardian when you don't yet have a child KWIM?

[szypzz]

Thanks for asking and I'm sorry it took a week for me to post. For some reason I'm not getting the emails that new threads have been added anymore. Then I had to find my way back here. But I'm here now.

The homestudy was excellent. We didn't have ANYTHING to fix at all!! I was so suprised. I figured it might be a VERY nitpicky ordeal, but it wasn't at all. Just make sure all the bases were covered and a tour of the house. I was so euphoric afterwards I could hardly concentrate on anything else.

Everything is in order so we were told that we should have our license in the beginning of April...only another week or two. We were also told that now that everything is in and done, if the "perfect" match child for us came into care the finalization could be sped up. That means that now we are just waiting for THE phone call. Scary and exciting....

I don't know what happened to Tigger... maybe she's not getting the emails anymore either. I really would like to know anymore thoughts on what the first day/night with our first child will be like. Are most children part of sibling groups? If you have two at the same time how do you help them both heal? How much contact do you have with birth parents? So much to think about while you're waiting and nothing you can really do about it until you meet the children.

Glad everything went well with your case worker, jl!! We didn't have to supply a letter from a person who would raise our child in the event of our deaths. That is a pretty surreal experience, I'm sure. Did your CW give you a better idea of when your homestudy will be completed? Still on track for the end of April? How exciting!!

Well I should end for now. Sorry again for the delay. TTYS!!

[dadfor2]

hi, were not foster care parents, we went in this for adoption only. we finished our homestudy and our classes. we wanted siblings, older.

well, it took about 1 month after the classes (our homestudy was still being done) and they talked about two little boys ages 5 and 7.

well, that was nice but we just started the adoption stuff, and we werent sure if we just wanted to jump write in, so we went to a couple of adoption parties, (it was awful, but we were encouraged to go) We had not seen any pictures of these two boys as of yet, and then there they were on the board.

well, that was the end of that, these kids they talked about had faces now. We talked alot about it. a few weeks later we got another call that they had three kids that were abandoned, we thought hard about that, but then guilt set in, FOr some reason we felt that we were suppose to adopt those other two boys.

Well, one is in our home, the other comes on weekends (due to legal stuff, i posted that issue on legal, but still no reply) anyway, it has been wonderful. There both wonderful kids, and yes they are both considered special needs.

Its alot of work, but its been worth every minute of it. There a joy in our lives.

dadfor2

[mckenna]

(quote)
She wants a letter from the person who will raise our child in the event of our death. Sort of scary to choose a guardian when you don't yet have a child KWIM?

may i ask who wanted this letter? i am in the process of adopting my foster son (have done my subsidy papers & a lawer is involved & a tentitive date for finalization is even set). no one has even asked who i intend on raising my son if something should happen to me. do they have to approve that person also? i have never heard of this. maybe i should ask the lawyer, i would not want something like this to hold things up. thanks

[szypzz]

Dad, can you tell me more about the "adoption parties"? Were they very awkward? (Sounds like it from your post.) Where were they held...anywhere near Monroe County? We belong to a Foster and Adoptive Family support group and they have "adult" meetings once a month and then outings with the kids and parents once a month. We've been told that we are welcome to join in the activities, but since we don't have any children it seems like it would be awkward or that we are "shopping" for kids. We just joined a few months ago, so I'm guessing eventually we will go...just wondering what it might be like.

Since you adopted an older child without fostering do you or the boys have much contact with their foster or birth parents? Do they have other siblings? How did you transition them to your home? How long did it take? If you don't mind me asking what are their "special needs"? How long has you one son been in your home. (I hope the legal issues are cleared up quickly for you with the other!)

What was it like when they first came into your home? How long was your "honeymoon" period? How cooperative are the schools? Any advice from a man's perspective for my DH?

Well another long post from me filled with questions, I know what a suprise. I appreciate any feedback. THANKS!

RE: The Letter

Our caseworker said that she needs to have a letter from the person/people who will raise our child/ren in the event something happens to us. I talked with my mother (who has a five bedroom home and three kids 7, 10, 13) right now and she and her husband agreed.

I went to the police station and got police clearances for Superman (my DH) and I which I sent to the caseworker.

I'm a little edgy today, I was looking at other state sites for waiting children and saw a sibling pair that leapt off the page at me. I called our CW and left her a message asking for her help and she hasn't called back yet.

were not foster care parents, we went in this for adoption only

us too!

The homestudy was excellent. We didn't have ANYTHING to fix at all!!

great news!

I wish the CW would call.
stares at phone

Edited to add: I haven't been getting the emails either!

[dadfor2]

ok szypzz,
this one is for you. i hope i can answer all your questions. there was alot of them, so this is going to be long....

first off, let me say im from Mass. so i can only speak on this state. "adoption parties" they are awful, and yes, it feels like your shopping for a kid. I had alot of issues around them, but when i talked to the workers, she said "yes, they are awful, but we adopt more kids through these parties, and if we can think of anyone other way, we would," I never talked to any of the kids at these parties, i just couldnt bring myself to do it. The first one i went too, i couldnt stay long, i left practically in tears, it was heart wrenching, but you get to meet social workers from different agencys. its away to connect to other social workers so if they see a child that you might be interested they can attach a face (family) to the child.

As for the two sibling boys we want, ages 5 & 7, the 5 yr old has been with us since christmas. His foster mom had him for 2 yrs and did a great job preparing him for adoption. We keep in contact with her, she has been a god scent, she helps us, like i will call her and say "he does this and that" shell say "hes pushing buttons, hes testing," she knows him much better then us. Even though he has no interest in talking to her on the phone, or even brings her up rarely, we think its important for him to keep in contact with her. We help him send holiday cards and things like that, she lives kinda far from us, but we will be visiting her soon. We feel its important for him to try to keep contact since its the only family he really knew.

As for the other boy, the foster parents have given nothing but grief to us since we were identified as the family who is going to adopt the brothers. she feels they shouldnt be together that causes so much pain for the 7 yr old. she has put in for adoption for both boys which she has clearly stated she doesnt want the 5 yr old, but she will take him to keep her 7 yr old. Their homestudy has been denied, for many reasons, but their appealing it. We have no contact with the birthparent (mom) she severely abused them and caused alot of harm to them both.

THe transitioin with the 5 yr old was about 5 weeks, first visits then sleepovers. For the 5 yr old, he was suppose to go back to his foster mom for closure, before he was to come back to us permanelty, but he refused to go back, we talked to foster mom and social worker, and they said "just keep him". so we did...

regarding their special needs, they were DX with ADHD, RAD, depression. Not sure how many of these DX are true, he clearly has attached. He doesnt seem depressed, ( he does go to therapy...)and as for the ADHD, well, who knows.....we will see where that goes. I think the special needs are the fact they were both abused and witnessed alot of stuff so they do have their issues. HEs a little hyper, hes pretty smart, he remembers everything, hes behind a little in speech. We want to get him tested on everything though.

When he first came into the home, he was an angel....lol. Well, the honeymoon ended pretty quick...about three weeks. BUt to be honest, so far it hasnt been nothing we cant handle.....alot of it is just regular kid stuff, "dont want to go to bed" "dont want to eat that, just want P&J". I guess he figured out how to push my buttons.....lol. But as long as were consitant with everything, its been pretty good.

Since his brother started sleepovers, thats when the problems really started to surface, he is experiencing alot of seperation anxiety. Like last night, we went to drop him off, and the 5 yr old says "i want a hug" which he holds on to his brother for a long time, then he says "i want a kiss" , then its a hug, and we have to prey his arms away from his brother, then the screams start, and it goes pretty much till we get home, when i drop him off at day care, its the same thing.

AS for the day care...we actually knew the director, its a structured day care, they have been absoutly wonderful, they dont mind me checking in during the day, they have been great with being consistant, they are totally working with us.

As for a mans perspective....ha haha..well, i do know im a little short sometimes, i got this testerone thing.......he wants me to put him in bed, he wants me to do just about everything....i think the reason for this, is because he never had a daddy.....but it does get tiring. my suggestion to your husband "if you find yourself getting angry....let your wife step in"

I give so much credit for single parents now, for the life of me, i dont know how they can do it........ well, i guess thats it....i hope you get this szypzz....

dadfor2

I learned a lot from your post. We are hoping to be placed with a young child (under age 6) and your post to szy answered many of the questions I had!

[Tigger]

I'm not getting the e-mails anymore either, and then I had no idea where this thread was located. I finally thought to look under Michigan LOL. I feel like such a bonehead!! szypzz, I can answer any questions you want and now I know where this thread is so I won't lose it again, lol. I kept feeling like I abandoned you, but I'm not computer savy enough to figure out how to go where I want to when I don't know where I want to go. Make sense? LOL

[szypzz]

Welcome back Tigger! (You're not a bonehead!! ) I'm so glad you found us again! Since everyone else was complaining about not get the emails for new posts I sent a message to tech support. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

I want to thank you too, dadfor2, I appreciate you sharing all the great info. This was EXACTLY why I started this thread. To get great information from people like you and tigger who've been through it already and to meet people like jl and others who can sympathize with my waiting.

Now tigger, this is probably more for you, since it's really more of a foster care question, but anyone else is welcome to answer too! I bought a pack of combs at the dollar store to hand out and a couple child sized tooth brushes. We're told that they may come with nothing so I grabbed a few things I thought may be useful. Anything else I should add to the list? Do they usually just come with the clothes on their back? Any good way to find a dentist /doctor that will take MI Medicaid/care (Which do they get? I always forget.) Any other information you can think of that I haven't asked about will also be appreciated.

Thanks again to everyone for your participation!! (Tigger, make sure you bookmark this page...I have a feeling I may need your expert help soon!! Or at least I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will anyway. )

[mckenna]

i typically get younger children, and i don't know what age children will be entering your home, but under wear in many different sizes (boy and girl) and a few sets of clothes that the child could wear would be good. sometimes children are removed from schools or other places where they may have nothing of thier own. i know when i worked a children's hospital, we tried to keep backpacks stocked with tooth brushes, combs, underwear, & feminine products so the kids could have something to take to their foster home if they were removed from the er.

I bought a pack of combs at the dollar store to hand out and a couple child sized tooth brushes. We're told that they may come with nothing so I grabbed a few things I thought may be useful. Anything else I should add to the list?

I would pick up plain white socks from the dime store, a couple of board games and decks of cards. You might want to splurge on bubble bath, kids soaps and scented shampoo, I fear they might be dirty too. I've been told baby wipes are a very important item too

If you can find a kids size robe in a neutral color, that might be handy if they don't have PJ's.

Any good way to find a dentist /doctor that will take MI Medicaid/care (Which do they get? I always forget.)

I worked in a hospital for 10 years and I would call the nearest hospital's Physician Referral Service (the hospital operator can give you the number) and request the names and phone numbers of pediatricians who accept Medicaid.

Check garage sales (hey, it's spring, that's garage sale season!) for kids clothes, pj's, toys, videos, games, etc. Duffles or suitcases will be a plus so they can take their things with them when they leave.

[szypzz]

The garage sale thing is pure genuis...it hadn't crossed my mind....maybe because it's so cold still. We have plenty of games and toys already, it's the clothes I'm worried about because of the age range we have.

I didn't think about duffles/backpacks...but can see how they would be important.

Great ideas! Thanks bunches.

[Tigger]

The most important thing you can add to you list of things to keep just in case is RID. Many many many kids will come into your home with lice. It's easy to get rid of, but you don't want to have to run out at night to try and find some. We learned after we all got lice to start checking at the door. It seems cruel, but it's a lot better than treating your whole family. Trust me on this, lol. The majority of the kids that come have only the clothes on their backs. We've even had kids come without shoes before. Since it's hard to determine sizes when you don't have kids yet the best thing you can do is set aside a small emergency fund. The state will pay for their clothes but it can take weeks, and they need them now. We keep $300 in an account to buy clothes. Whenever the state pays us back we put it back into that account.

If you are planning on taking babies (which we did) it's a good idea to have a thing of formula and maybe two different sized diapers. A smaller size and a larger size. They may not fit, but they will be good enough until you can get to a store.

As for the dentist/doctor, the dentist will be harder. A lot of doctors that don't take medicaid will take foster care medicaid because it's really good insurance. But very few dentists will take medicaid. We've got it a lot better since our county switched the kids to delta dental, but not all counties switched. You should find out before your kids are placed if they have medicaid dental or delta dental. If it's medicaid you might want to start making phone calls to find a dentist.

You letter to tech support must have worked, I'm getting e-mails again as of this afternoon, lol. I know where to find you all now, so I don't have to worry about bookmarking, lol.

Not to contradict jl cauling (sorry hun), but there is no point buying them something to take their clothes back home with them in. You have no idea how long they will be staying, and they may have enough to fill ten suitcases by the time they leave. A backpack or two would be a good idea though if you are taking school aged children. They all need backbacks for school.

And of course keep in mind, this is all just in my humble opinion, lol. Have a great day!

Tig