Just continuing our ongoing discussion of adopting an older child from our mystical mitten.....

[Kare]

Sorry, I haven't written sooner, have been real busy. There are several subsidies available--the first being adoption support subsidy. Most children over three are eligible for a subsidy. You should say you will only adopt with one. It is a benefit that they offer. You never know down the line, what your child may need. The support subsidy is based on level of care --3 being the greatest, and 1 being the least. They also go by the child's age--the older, the more money. As your child gets older, they receive more.

The child should also be elgible for medicaid. There is also adoption medical subsidy which can help cover what your insurance and medicaid doesn't cover. This covers any conditions the child has when they are adopted.

There is also a subsidy for nonrecurring adoption costs--such as
travel expenses, etc.

We had our child come and visit over Memorial weekend. I thought everything was going ok, but after he left, we found out he had stole several hundred dollars from my daughter. When he went back to the residential center, he said we had given him the money, and they actually took him shopping! Anyway, they did confront him, of course he lied. Eventually, he did tell the truth, which is a small beginning.

Even though you know they can steal, when it happens, it really bothers you; especially after we bought him some clothes and a game for his game boy.

We do like him though. I hate to be negative. He's had a rough life, and we knew he had a history of stealing. It's good it happened now, because we know what we're dealing with.

[szypzz]

jl, thanks for starting a new thread, the other was getting quite long...

Kare, thanks for sharing your experience. Maybe he's just testing the waters to see if you will still want him, even if he behaves badly. I went back and read your other posts from the old thread and you had such a good first experience where he even opened up a little when you hadn't expected it. I know it must be disappointing but it sounds like you are in it for the long haul when you say, "It's good it happened now, because we know what we're dealing with." He's had 13 years to learn bad habits from and be hurt by adults...you've only had a few visits to show him how much you care and won't be like "the others." Of course this is just MHO.

Thanks for the subsidy info. I'm not in this for the money, but it's nice to know what's out there for the kids in order to help make life better for them.

We are having a meeting with our childrens' worker and foster mother on Monday!! We received the adoption disclosure last Friday and decided we want to go for it. Our adoption worker had us create a list of questions to ask and I faxed them to her first thing Tuesday. Then she contacted the childrens' worker and it's all set up for 1:00 on Monday. The meeting is about 2 hours from where we live...not too bad compared to 5+ hours that some (Kare) drive. Then we were told that we would set up a time to meet the kids soon after this meeting (within a week or so). I CAN HARDLY WAIT. We have already "claimed" these kids and we haven't even met them yet...is that weird???

I have one problem that I think I know how I'm going to handle already, but just in case there are some better ideas I haven't thought of yet... We have been preparing for 1-2 boys....and we have redone a room that (I think) looks great. It's an airplane theme (my husband is an aircraft mechanic) and has clouds with planes hanging from the ceiling. The walls are blue and it has a great boarder. There are bunk beds and matching bed linens...ready and waiting for a boy or brothers. Now we are matched with a brother and SISTER. Which means another room, however we have only lived in this house about a year and the blue room is the only one that's been done. (We gutted the whole thing, tore down plaster, put in drywall, redid the floors, etc.) So now I feel AWFUL to show our son his great room and then show the undone (off-white painted wallpaper starting to curl, ugly brown painted floor, no real color scheme, etc.) to our daughter. Now my thought is too say that we decided how to do his room because he is younger and since she's older we thought she should have more say in colors/style. Do you think this will fly? We are VERY excited to be getting a girl too, it just was unexpected. I'm also hoping that having the project of decorating HER room will make the transition to our family easier. The flip side is that she thinks we didn't want her cuz she doesn't have a room ready....I don't know why this stuff drives me so crazy...lol

Well I need to get going. As always thanks in advance for all replies!!

I think that telling your daughter you want her to decorate her own room is a great idea. Is there a chance that you will be spending time with them before they come see the house? If so, ask her what she might like her room to be done in, then get a coat of paint on the walls - pronto! That way it will look like it is in progress.

I'm very excited for you!

Kare - ugh on the theft. Not a high point to start on, but at least you can make progress from here, right?

happy thoughts for both of you!

[szypzz]

For anyone who wants to reference the old thread it is...

http://www.adoptionforums.com/showth...388#post240388

[szypzz]

Wow that was a quick reply jl!

We should be spending time with the children before they come to our house, so your idea is a good one. We were going to bring pictures of the house (and their rooms) when we meet them for the first time though. We thought we'd show her the picture and see what ideas she had for it and hopefully get some started before she moves in permenantly...maybe we can get it all done before they move in, but I'm not sure if that will be possible...

Hopefully she will be so engrossed in deciding how to do the room it won't bother her that it's note done already.

[mckenna]

you know how many girls like to shop, maybe you and your daughter could spend some one on one time shopping for room decor and your husband and son could spend a few hours bonding too. i am so excited for all of you i love to read this thread even though i don't live in michigan and i am not adopting an older child. all of your posts are so great i can see the excitement in your words. all those who can't understand why people want to adopt older children should read these two threads and find out how exciting it can be.

[lambeausam]

szypzz - just a thought on the girl's room. Consider painting the room with a bright white paint before she sees it the first time. It's not expensive and will give the appearance of a crisp, clean room. Also, white is very easy to cover and will act as a good primer. This may lessen the gap between the two rooms.

Another idea - find out what the kids' interests are. If you can, find sheets with those themes - sports, flowers, stars. This will show the kids that you are considerate of their interests.

Finally, my oldest son's room is done in airplanes, also. I am an air traffic controller so we can't help but have airplanes in the house!

[Kare]

I'm so excited for Szypzz. I think your daughter will be fine with that. Our 13 year old was excited about his room, even though we didn't have finishing touches. We told him he could get pictures, posters, etc. He was excited to have his own room. Doing the room together would be a great bonding experience.

We're suppose to have our 13 year old with us this weekend, but now he's saying he doesn't want to come. He feels bad about the money (that's a good thing). It's just difficult when he is so far away, and we're having to deal with a problem. It would be easier if he was with us, were we could explain that we still care about him. I guess if he chooses not to come, we may have to go there to see him and talk with him. I think he needs reassurance. I told his therapist to let him know we still really want him to come, but it's not the same as him hearing us say it.

Kare - I think you should visit him, despite his protests. JMO.

I love reading what everyone is up to. I wish you all the best!!

[Kare]

JL Cauling-- Do you have any more news about the two children you were interested in? Once the ball starts rolling, it can go very fast!

My husband was meeting halfway to pick up our child (we weren't sure he was going to come). However, my husband just called and said the driver forgot his medication, so he had to drive all the way to Detroit, and now they won't be back until about 7:30 p.m. It makes for a short weekend.

Originally, they had said we could only have visitation up to 5 nights a month! They did get an exception, we can see him up to four nights on the weekend (when school is out), so that is much better.

Szypzz--good luck on your meeting. It's so exciting.

Kare - I hope this weekend is a better one, despite the delay.

No news on the matching front here. I think we are going to turn down the three year old we were offered, which is a long story.

Still hopeful about the nine year old on MARE.

[szypzz]

Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement! Today is the first of many "big" days. Meeting with the SW and foster mom...can't wait until the next big day...meeting the kids!

Kare - let us know how things went this weekend. I'm hoping well, even though it was a short visit.

JL - Hang in there. "The match" will come and then things will suddenly start moving faster. It's funny...all the waiting with not much to do and then "bamb", go here, do this, think about this, learn about that, almost too much to do.

I'll give an update soon...don't know if it will be today or tomorrow. If all goes well today, I think it's the day we let the famliy know that they are going to be uncles/aunts/great aunts/great-grandparents/etc....(our parents know about these two, but we chose not to share with extended family until it was more of a "sure" thing.) I guess it still won't be 100% sure, but it will be much closer to 100% if today's visit goes well.

Wish us luck and talk to you soon!!

Szy - I'm crossing everything that today goes well for you and your family!! I know telling family takes precedence over telling us, but I will still be waiting patiently to learn more!

Kare - I hope you had a good weekend, waiting to hear how things went!!

Hope it's a good week for everyone!

[Kare]

Our weekend went well, but it was short. We now have been approved 4 days for weekend visits, so we can pick him up on Fridays, and take him back on Mondays. We really need to have a routine set, but it has been difficult because weekends tend to be less structured for us.

Tomorrow, we're going to go to his school and see him in a play. He really wanted us to come (which makes us feel good), and of course, we want to be there.

We're hoping he can be in our home permanently in August. Hope everything is going well for everyone--talk to you later,