[szypzz]

I'm so sorry to hear about the disruptions for Iznett and Kare. I know they were difficult decisions for you to make. The right children will come to you when the time is right. I almost feel guilty for what I'm going to report after contemplating what you both must have gone through to make your final decision.

Our kids are doing great. Things were quite hairy as to if we would get them started in our school district on time or not, but we made it!! Official placement was Friday, August 22 and school started Monday, August 25. DD started 5th grade on time and has been doing great. I'm very blessed that she came to us with good study habits. She is very good about doing her homework as soon as she gets home from school (the same way I had to growing up.) She received all A's and B's on her first progress report. We are just the proudest parents. She is working through issues at weekly therapy, but for the most part we couldn't ask for anything better. One of the most annoying habits she had was really snotty backtalk, but even that has subsided. She is a handfull too, she is the most hyper child I have ever seen and we can not find a way to get her to "self-soothe", or calm down when she really gets going, but somehow she holds everything in check for school. Her teacher moved her to the front of the class after we talked with her and let her know about the ADHD and she has been very helpful with making sure that DD knows what her assignments are and gets the worksheets into the yellow "to-do" folder. But besides helping DD stay organized and making sure she gets her meds everyday she is the one doing all the work. DD's biggest fear was not finding any friends, but she has become really close with one girl already and they have been to each other's houses and seem to be a good match. (Meaning Mom approves of her friend too. LOL)

DS is more of a handfull, but also a complete blessing. He has a vERY short fuse, but doesn't hit people or destroy property. He will tell us he hates us and/or sling stuff across the room, but just what's in his hand (usually a stuffed animal or clothing) and he has enough control to make sure he doesn't break anything. (Well so far anyway!) It was harder to get him started in school. He has an EI IEP and the local district did not have the services he needed. He goes to the neighboring district and is in a CC classroom and is flourishing. They are even questioning whether he truly is EI or not. He just finished his 30 day placement and we had the IEP review. They want to do some testing with him that we are 100% behind. We are very impressed with the district and how well they are working with us and DS. He is playing soccer and loves it. It was a short 5-week season so we thought we'd sign him up to see how he does. He is on a team with a boy from his class. They get along really well and we are hoping to set up a time for the boys to play together outside of school.

We are still living life one day at a time and are COMPLETELY exhausted by the time we go to bed, but we really think it is worth it. My mom even commented to me the other day that everytime she sees us it's like the four of us are more and more comfortable with each other. And I have to admit that at first I would wake up in the morning and be just as exhausted as I was when I went to bed, but about a week ago I realized that when I woke up in the morning I felt "normal" and not completely exhausted at the beginnig of the day. That was a great feeling.

We still have things to work on with them, like getting them to see Dad as an equal parent (they both "prefer" me to be with them), getting them to play upstairs on their own (DS is like a puppy, following me from room to room) and the emotional roller coaster of each day (today was a 15 minute melt down because DD realized that she left her "favorite" pajamas at her last foster home - no matter she hasn't had these "favorite" pajamas in 6 weeks.) And things to work on for us, like feeling guilty because you secretly think that both children need so much attention that you almost wish there was only one of them (not that we could ever choose which one!!!) so you could devote all your energy to that one child.

However the "your the bestest Mom in the universe" and the fights over who's the favorite ("I'm the favorite. No, I am.") and the hugs and kisses make it all worthwhile.

I don't know if I can ever comprehend how truly blessed I am. We have kids that have been through SO much, but are willing to put themselves out there again and let us love them and care for them without too big of a wall. I have a husband who is remarkable in his ability to sense when I need him to step up to the plate a little more when I'm having a rough day (and hopefully I get his back the times he needs it.) This whole process has just been a great experience for us and I completely believe that it is God's will, not our own that brought us these children after 11 years of us asking. (God's timeline, definitely not our own...hehehe)

Well that's the big update. I hope to see some responses soon!!

[JL Cauling]

Kare, Iz, I'm so sorry to hear about the disruption. What a letdown. I hope you both are OK.

We are *still* waiting for a match. It feels like it is taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r. It's killing me!

Szy - sounds like you are doing well and adjusting. Yay! I'm so pleased.

Hope others will check in soon with updates.

Take care!!

[itznett]

Hi there,
It's been awhile since I have checked back in here. Been doing some healing and soul searching I guess.

I have decided to take another step back into the ring and try again. Had my AW check on a 13 yr old boy today. So we will see how it goes. Hope all is well with everyone else.
Take care

[szypzz]

Hi Iz,

Glad to hear that you are still willing to "get back in the ring." I think you may enjoy being able to concentrate on one child instead of having to divide yourself between two difficult children. We will keep you in our prayers. Please keep us updated and if you just want to chat please feel free to contact me directly. We have a 7-year-old and a 10-year-old just placed permanently on 8/25/03.

Thanks and I'm hoping for the best for you and your new family.

[itznett]

szypzz,

Congrats on the recent placement. Hope all goes well.

Talked with my AW yesterday. She wanted to know if I would be interested in 2 boys, 13 and 15.

I couldn't help but laugh and ask her if she had bumped her head on something. I told her I had to pass. But am still waiting for some info on another child. It may be a couple weeks before I hear anything, but thats cool. I am not jumping into anything this time around.
Have a good one!

Nett

[JL Cauling]

If the day comes when you are ready to discuss it, I would be interested in learning about your disrupted adoptions. What happened and why.

We are very eager to be placed, yet we are terrified of making a mistake.

thanks.

[szypzz]

Just wondering how everyone's holidays were? Anyone with little ones besides us?

Hope all is well and progressing well for all of you.

I also would be interested in any info you would be willing to share. Our kids have another bio brother and from what I get things are not going too well. I'm praying for him and his adoptive family, but getting more anxious about his placement disrupting. I totally understand that it is probably a very difficult issue to discuss, but would be grateful for anything you would feel comfortable sharing.

Thanks and Happy Holidays.

[JL Cauling]

I understand your concern about your children's brother. I saw him listed on MARE (S. - right?) I think we even talked about him. I will keep him in my prayers that he is matched with the right family for him.

We have decided to go the foster-adopt route. After eight long months of waiting for a match that never materialized, we decided that this is the best choice for us. We also decided to request a girl we are still looking ages 0-5 as well.

I've spent the last week working on making our second bedroom into an inviting room for a girl to live in.

Any idea how long it will be between when we are approved to foster and a placement? Hopefully not too long.

best wishes to each of you and your families in 2004!

[itznett]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone survived the holidays. One more day off for me then it's back to the grind.

I have checked on a couple of children listed in MARE but have yet to hear any news. Back to the waiting game I guess. Under the circumstances...that works for me. Even though I long to be a "mom", I'm not wanting to rush things.
Have a great day!

[szypzz]

Sorry I can't be of more help, not sure how long between licensing and placement. We had our kids matched to us before we were actually licensed. We did get our license, but just to get the kids placed with us before school started. Just learn as much as you can, fostering is not exactly the same as raising a birth child. These kids are so old and so young all at the same time. I have a 10-year-old who at one moment is all about fashion and nail polish and control, but yet won't go upstairs by herself unless someone stands at the foot of the stairs. It's hard to know "which kid", the teen or the baby, you'll meet at any given time. I give great kudos to the foster family that had my kids before me. They taught them so many life skills, like how to shower and make a bed for example but also gave them many good experiences like painting and swimming. Being in this 8 months now I have to say that I'm very grateful that my kids were "broken in" before I met them and that I didn't have to start where they were when they came into care. I don't want to discourage you, just know that any children you get will be quite a handful. My biggest piece of advice is don't take any more children than you truly know you can handle. It's taking every ounce of energy we have to keep up with our two. We laugh and think how much "easier" it would be with just one. No he did this, she said this fights. No you love him more discussions. Being able to divert all your attention to the problems of the one. But we have two great kids and we are entirely greatful, but also entirely exhausted!! Therapy, or should I say, GOOD therapy is a must. We have a weekly appt and 3 weeks of the month the whole family goes and 1 week we go alone (and make sure we have dinner out, too!) If you don't have any kids in the house at this time, having a babysitter or two is a must!! My husband and I laugh because we have seen more movies at the theater since the kids moved in permanently than we probably have in the last 3 years, just because we need time away. And I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just that the adjustment of having kids around ALL THE TIME, (especially ones so wanted and waited for so that you are devoting all your time to them) doesn't leave much time for just conversation or a leisurely dinner. There's always homework and projects and playdates and activities, it just doesn't seem to stop, so having a good babysitter at least makes things slow down for little while. It has been quite a ride for us, most of it so extremely awesome it makes up for the yucky...but there still is the yucky. Another thing I wish we really would have done was have my husband off the same amount of time I was when we first had the kids for the extended visits. We've really had a great time over Christmas break and I see the kids getting much closer with my husband now and I think with just me home during his work hours and doing fun things while he was at work that they missed an important bonding time with him. It seems, in our family at least, that when all 4 of us are together thats when we have the best times. Well that was sort of a brain dump, guess I've had some things brewing around up there.

Sorry for the long post again, I guess I'm just verbose. And yes please keep praying for the placement of S., my kids' brother. He and his family have a long road ahead of them.

[JL Cauling]

Hi Itznett! Hope you find your match quickly through MARE.

Szy - I appreciated (and hopefully learned from) your brain dump. We do have a sitter lined up. My next door neighbor is also my best friend and the reason we bought this house. 15 years ago she adopted a sibling group of three, so she knows exactly what we are facing.

Going to Home Depot today to buy more paint. I've bought many decorations from Ebay, trying to make the room look finished and welcoming!

You are all in my thoughts, take care!

[szypzz]

It is SO awesome that you have a "veteran" as a best friend and neighbor! I have to say that I envy that. Our friends and family are supportive and great but they just don't have the "shared experience."

Note/"info sharing" about the babysitter - needs to be someone over 18 if they start as foster kids in your home. We found two very mature high school seniors that are really good with the kids and are already 18. They were recommended by people we trusted. I had each come over for an interview/"meet the kids" and paid them for that hour then the kids knew who to expect before the first time we needed either of them. Our kids are pretty anxious about new experiences so it was really helpful for our family.

[itznett]

A quick match thru MARE....................that makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
Have a great day!!!

[JL Cauling]

Szy - my dear friend and next door neighbor IS the sitter! She's looking forward to playing Grandma.

Itz - I know, I know, the system moves at a snail's pace....

We meet with the foster worker in the morning, I have my fingers crossed!

[szypzz]

I'll keep mine crossed for you too!! Hope all goes well at your meeting today.