[Grrltrouble]

I know how overwhelming it seems to get started, I ended up choosing the agency that I first got a good feeling from. Mostly that was due to the fact that they seemed to really have it together and replied quickly to my questions and got me into a class immediately. Unfortunately, they slowed down considerably after they had me hooked. Understaffed, overtaxed, blah blah blah. I still really like the director though, and I also (once in a while) get the feeling that there are more things going on with my case than I am told about. For example, I have had other workers know who I was at events after just asking what kind of child I was looking for, so at least I know that my name is around within the agency. I would suggest checking a few places out and trying to get a feeling for which one you think you would have the most comfortable, trusting relationship with.
I'm not sure if my homestudy process was typical or not, since it was done by a worker from outside of the agency, but it was not scary at all. I thought the paperwork was kinda fun, but I'm a big geek who likes to fill out forms and if the forms are about me, even better. I scrubbed and scrubbed and bought fire extinguishers and threatened/bribed the dog to be on his best behavior for my first home visit. She did not even look around AT ALL that time, just talked and asked questions. Second visit, she glanced around the first floor and the upstairs where the bedrooms are and that was it. Didn't look behind closed doors, go in the basement, yard, garage... Actually, it seems a little disturbing if I think about it too much. When my actual case worker came by, she seemed more interested in the logistics of everything, like who sleeps where, when is the remodeling going to be done, etc. I didn't ever feel like I was being tested or under a microscope.

Luna - I'm not really all that down. Most of the time. It just gets to me after looking at hundreds of pics of kids on different sites, knowing how much I want to be a mom, and yet still not being matched. Tends to lend a bitter edge to my posts. Sorry. And here I thought that all those people whining about the wait were just being babies - hahahhahhahahha

[Lunahalo]

Hello to every one!
How is everyone? It has been awhile since anyone posted! I am wondering how your families are doing, those of you who have recently adopted, how are your kids handling things? I was curios as to what sort of issues you all are facing day to day and what you are doing to help your children over come those issues. I am always looking for new ideas and plans to help with my children, those I have now and the ones I will have later. It is neat to see how things are going for others in similar situations. To those of you waiting and looking in to adoption what new news do you have, how are your home studies going? Any one have anything in the process surprise them?
My story is coming along slow but sure. We have had 2 meetings with our worker and are working on getting all our necessary paper work in.
We had our worker over, I knew from reading that they wanted to see if the home is suitable and some said that they didn’t look around much. We, like most, wanted to clean up a bit anyways. I set aside a week before she was to come, to do a few tasks I wanted to get done, with 2 little ones I knew a quick pick up before she walked in wasn’t going to accomplish all that I wanted. Monday we were going to get the yard work out of the way, so we mowed and weeded, and then I was going to try and scrub the crayon off my sons room which other than that was fine, unfortunately there was so much I would have had to use about 6 packs of magic eraser which did work, slowly, but surely, my hubby came up to see how it was coming and commented on how by our sons bed there were sheets of wall paper loose. He had just torn up a whole section of paper and I was too busy scrubbing to see it happen! It looked so tacky and it was ripped so we couldn’t glue it back on. DH said we could peel it all off since it seemed to come off in sheets and just paint the wall. So, we started what in the end, took until Thursday. Working morning until night every day. The FIRST layer of paper came off in a breeze only to discover bright blue, super glued on, paper, underneath! 3 days of soaking and scraping, we finally got that off and then we stayed up all night painting the room! What a wreck I was when it was all over! It is a good thing that I usually keep things in order around here of we would have had a disaster by Friday! There was dust every where after sanding and scraping the wall. In the end it all worked out fine. Our worker came and she looked every where opened all the doors looked around our yard ask what we use every room for and who does what where. It was an interesting experience. I am glad though, that she was looking into things so much, I think I would be worried it she didn’t.
Now all we have to do is a few more meetings and some more paper work and we are all set to wait. Well I wrote a book so I will stop now but please if anyone has any stories I would love to read them!
LH

[LovingFamily]

Hi all, just a quick note to let you know that we have chosen our agency and submitted our application and partial fee. We should get a call from the agency repo this week and hopefully start the process soon.

I was curious to find out from those of you who have had home visits and received your final home study if there were things identified that they did not like with your home? What type of things? Just really wondering how in-depth cleaning/straightening we should do.

Thanks in advance!!

[Lunahalo]

Loving,
Hello, congrats on getting started!
I think every agency is different. I have heard of some that didn’t look around much. However, ours did. She looked at all the rooms and in closets, bathroom and even in the shower. She ask if they all worked and such. She looked at our pool and asked us about safety gates and locks (which we have). She was real polite and kind but didn’t hesitate to go into all the rooms and open any closed doors. She didn’t open any cupboards, however, my daughter, (just over 1) showed her the snack drawer, thank goodness I have that one organize well! It seemed like she just wanted to know what type of environment we lived in. Nothing is perfect anywhere so I am sure a brief all over clean up will be fine. If you are planning on doing the foster adopt thing, (we are) then they will come out later and look at things like you water heater and heating/cooling systems and fire extinguishers ect. I don’t know for sure, since we haven’t gotten that far yet. They didn’t say anything about our home that they did not like so I guess we were ok. They ask about smoke detectors though, we do have those quite a few, I am a bit paranoid about house fires so we have one in almost every single room of the house. Well I hope to kind of answers your question. I was glad to hear things are on there way, are you still looking for an older child? If so what agency are you going with and if I may ask what was the fee for? You can PM me if you want. I though that if you go through the state it is mostly free other than the charge of court and such. Maybe there is something I don’t know about any way I am interested!
LH

[Grrltrouble]

I finally called a meeting with my worker to find out what is going on and why things seem to not be happening AT ALL. We talked for a loong time and I feel much much better and more optimistic. I think she finally gets it. She was looking at the front of my assessment (which she typed) where it had all my agency contacts so far and said, "Wow, you've been at this a long time, no wonder you're frustrated." Thanks for noticing. Also, I had not been particularly happy with my assessment. It seemed very vague and impersonal, like it was written by someone who didn't know me at all (hmmm wonder why). And really went way overboard about how I'm soooo unexperienced, almost as if I've never met a child before, let alone one with "special needs". She took a lot of notes, and will be "making some changes" to it. I think she has a much better idea of who I am and how much I am into this, all the research I've done and classes and events I've attended. She was very reassuring, which is her job of course, but I feel like it was sincere. Anyway, I'm back to being happy and excited about the whole thing. Almost enough to try to get back into my very stalled remodeling projects that need to be done before a kid comes.
I didn't even have to threaten her with the Maybe I'll Just Give Birth speech that I had planned. haha

[JL Cauling]

I was curious to find out from those of you who have had home visits and received your final home study if there were things identified that they did not like with your home? What type of things? Just really wondering how in-depth cleaning/straightening we should do.

We were told to get a carbon monoxide alarm ($30) and child proof locks on the cabinets that contain chemicals. At the time the room that would become our sons room had my desk and a bookshelf in it, that's all!

Grrl - I don't know how long you've been waiting, but our homestudy was completed in 4/03, we applied for our son in 10/03 and got the call in January of 04. He moved in almost a year to the day from the completion of our homestudy. The foster/adopt system moves SLOWLY.

Things are going well, our little guy turned seven in July. We had a party and he seemed to enjoy it. I've been warned that the special events (like birthdays, holidays) of the first year will be tough, as he's reflecting on last year's holiday and anxious about what will happen this year. I adore Christmas and for the last three years, it's been the hardest holiday for me. Christmas really is for kids. I'm hoping that this year is wonderful.

Now that he's here, I've learned some things that are definitely worth sharing.

1) You make things up as you go along. You have no idea how many things will leave you scrambling for an answer.

2) With an older child, you will spend the first month giving directions. I felt like such a beast, constantly redirecting, or saying no. As your child learns your house, that will get better.

3) Have a support system in place!! While I adore my son, making the change from no kids to one very active six year old was hard. He needs a lot from me and sometimes I just need time to myself. I'm lucky to have a good friend living next door who can watch him for an hour once in awhile so I can recharge.

4) Don't be too hard on yourself. I am very critical of my parenting, my DH reassures me that I'm much harder than I need to be.

Good luck to each of you on your adoption journeys!