[Raina0831]

Has anyone seen this movie? I watched it last night and there was one thing that really stood out for me.

When an egg is laid, the mother penguin immediately transfers it over to the father. He tends to it, while the mother returns to the sea for food. She returns just after the chick has been born. Within a matter of a day, the bond between chick and mother is incredibly strong.

My question is, if we know this about penguin mothers and their chicks, why do so many not realize the bond between a baby and the woman who has carried that baby for 9 months, and why do so many not realize the grief a baby must experience because of being taken away from it's mother?

That is sort of a rhetorical question. I'm just curious to see if anyone else has seen the movie and if they related it to human mother/child bonding as I did.

Raina

[Southernroots]

Someone who knows me expressly told me not to see the movie - they thought that it might be "hard" for me as a reunited birth mom. I imagine that I will see it at some point though.

Your question is an interesting one. It is puzzling to me while that we do not separate puppies and kittens from their mothers immediately after birth, we do so with babies and their mothers.

Why do you suppose that is the case? I imagine that there are some rare cases maybe in which it is necessary, but, mostly it probably isn't. Do you think it is due to worry about developing a bond? As if carrying a baby for 9 months isn't generally a bonding experience?

[FauxClaud]

I haven't seen the movie yet, but it has been discussed on many boards that I am part of. So yeah, many others have made the same connection.

Th other interesting thing in the movie, as it was discussed, is how when one mother bird had her baby die, she tried to "adopt" another woman's baby. The birds in unison would not let her. As a group, they wouldn't break the bond.

I think that we don't often want to see the bond that occurs inutero, because that makes adoption very messy.

I personally think that if the bond between mother and child was allowed to really develop naturally after birth..like without "feeling like I was having their baby", and "remembering why I made an adoption plan in the first place and now I just had to be strong", etc. then, I think there would be less relinquishments.

Like I look back to those who expereinced adoption in the Baby Scoop Eras, where they were fighting it tootha and nail but had no choice and were refused access to their babies vs. the moms of today who do see the babies, but are so enveloped in the mentality of "being a birthmother" including the "I wanted to sign off as soon as possible so that they could go and become the family they were ment to be"....and I think....yeah, they know in the industry to be afraid of the natural bond.

I suppose I should see the darn movie already.

[Southernroots]

Funny - I was just thinking about you, Faux Cloud. There was another "thinking about adoption for my baby" that just popped up today on the forum. I thought of you after seeing about 6-7 adoptive moms quickly responding.

I absolutely agree with you - I think alot of what many still cling to makes adoption neater and less "messy" in their minds at least. Even as reflected in terminology, IMHO. The term "placed" sounds so much more logical, and neat than "gave away" or some of the other old terms. "Placed" sounds to me like a reasonable, well thought out decision, which I know some women feel that it is, not giving your own newborn to strangers to raise.

Even open adoptions are evolving slowly because they are "messy", more work, more complicated. The fact that they are generally better for the child is something that I think many people fight and really don't want to believe. Guess that nasty word that gets me in SO much trouble "DENIAL" is rampant in all sectors of adoption.

I once asked an adoptive mom why she felt that many adoptive parents seem to fight so hard sometimes to prevent search and reunion - she said because they are aware of that bond being there - and it scares them. Said they fear losing their child because they realize how strong that bond can be.

Honestly, until my son found me at reunion, I didn't know myself how strong it was. I had spent 32 years trying to forget it was there. Once that awakening occurs, you just know - and it makes adoption seem so much more significant - and so much more complicated. I had no idea until reunion - what adoption was really like.