[LuckyDog]

Hey all,

I did some searching, and read the abstract of The Primal Wound online. I was intruiged, and decided to go down to my local Barnes & Noble to pick it up--I had to see what all the fuss was about.

It has been illuminating, to say the least. I bought it Saturday night, and I'm already to chapter 7. I've already noticed some growth. It is changing me.

I know that some are skeptical, but this book has made all the difference for me. I'm not saying that the book applies to all adoptees, but it definitely applies to me.

Lucky

[MKW]

"Primal Wound" was so validating and astounding to me. I felt like the book was written just for me. All the feelings, emotions, etc. I dealt with I was growing up made so much sense. I know some don't believe in Verrier's theory - but I say, if the book can speak to you, and help you and find your way to healing, then take it in and let it help. If not, put it away, and find something else that helps your heart.

MKW

[LuckyDog]

Thanks MKW. I just got into reunion chapter. I think it's time.


Lucky

[darkknight]

There is a follow up book as well that came out last year by Nancy called Coming Home to Self. I haven't read it but will be starting it next week.

[MKW]

Coming Home to Self is also excellent. Be sure you have worked through some things yourself before you read it. This book is very challenging to the adoptee. As tender and understanding her first book is of what adoptees are dealing with, this one asks the adoptee to take on the emotions and conquer.
Good luck!

MKW

[darkknight]

I read Joe solls book, then most of betty jean lifton's along with marlou russel and antwone fischer's autobio (which makes the movie seem tame by comparison, and the movie was pretty emotional. That's coming from a 6'5" former military police officer) prior to reading primal wound, so it wasn't quite as hard to get thru as if I had read it first.
A friend of mine also wrote an autobiography about her search and reunion called "Chasing Away the Shadows: An Adoptee's Journey to Motherhood." I think I'm going to read that one first, before I tackle "Coming Home to Self"

[mamottawa]

Recently, after completing many university essays, i decided to read something often mentionned on this forum, and that was the book " Primal Wound" by nancy verrier. I must say that parts of the book are interesting, but something is also unsettling about it.

I am a 23 year old adoptee who had a great life ( and still does) with wonderful friends, a solid relationship with my parents, so when i read the thesis that adoptees are somehow " wounded", i can't help but feel like its too general and doesn't render justice to all adoptees or members of the triad. I hate to feel like a victim somehow. Not everything in behaviour can be explained by adoption. Some may have had a tougher adoption, and for those i trully feel sorry, but it can't be said that all adoptees are wounded somehow. And using the " you are not aware" seems more like an easy excuse, or at least i wasn't completely convinced.

Maybe i'm affected in some regard by the adoption issu, but it doesn't affect my relationships with others in my family, or my friends or girlfriend. I dont necessarily feel sad or depressed or anything, i don't feel sad or angry about being adopted, its no big deal for me, so i feel very uneasy about being pitied or caracterized as a "victim" or "wounded".

Of course, i don't study in psychology or anything like that, and i would hate to make those who do study behaviour feel like their discipline is being thrown out or disconsidered. However i am not convinced empirical evidence can be justified for all adoptees. I was adopted as a baby, so have no memory of what happened. Am i curious about what happened? you betcha, and i wouldn't mind finding my birthmother ( already have her name) but if i don't, life goes on and its no big deal. But that's just one part of myself, it doesn't define everything. That's the impression i had reading her book.


Its interesting reading for sure, but it feels too generalizing for me to recognize myself in it.

[darkknight]

There is a follow up book called Coming Home to Self by Nancy, which has a text book read to it with a lot more scientific study references.

[mamottawa]

Originally Posted by darkknight

There is a follow up book called Coming Home to Self by Nancy, which has a text book read to it with a lot more scientific study references.

Thanks, i appreciate it. I must admit her writing style was very good, it made her explanations or points easy to understand. I am not familiar AT ALL with anything related to psychology or behaviour, so i appreciated the simplicity of her writing style.

Its not that i doubt her research or credentials ( i don't), but i have that whole " victimization" thing. That really bugs me because it feels like pity ( even if it isn't)

[darkknight]

I got to meet her at a retreat not too long ago. She told me she wanted feedback from people who had read the books. You can email her via her site (just make sure to put something in the subject so she knows what it is about, otherwise she may treat it as spam.)

http://www.nancyverrier.com/index.php

On the victamization thing, definalety read the next book. She gives a kick in the pants to those acting the victim while explaining why you can feel like that. (more of "you can be a victim but that doesn't mean you can 'act the victim'" instead put that energy into something more constructive.)

[Pinakitha]

LuckyDog,

Have you tried Nancy Verrier's "Coming Home to Self: the adopted child grows up"?

I think you would find it even more illuminating than "The Primal Wound". However, I must warn you that it is a BIG read - but, IMHO, really worth the effort. I would recommend it for ALL members of the adoption triad.