[BrandyHagz]

I posted on the other thread that I had started reading the book, and that when I had completed it, I would start a new discussion.

Well, I couldn’t even finish it…I think I made it to chapter six before I just couldn’t deal with what she was saying anymore…

…Now, I certainly am NOT discounting anyone’s healing, or anyone’s feelings regarding the book, and the way it makes them feel…this is my own personal feeling about it…

I just couldn’t stop rolling my eyes long enough to read…I mean, some of the stuff I understand and agree with, but a lot of it, to me, is pretty out there. I certainly believe that there are some people who were affected like this, but I just don’t feel I am one of them.

I feel like I already have an explanation for a lot of my suffering and problems, so maybe that’s why it was so hard to read…I don’t know. I just know, for me at least, it wasn’t something I wanted to continue to read; it seemed pointless.

So, is the whole book talking about adoptees reaction to be separated from the birth mothers? If so, where do adoptive parents fit in, are their actions (or lack of) totally not to blame? I know at one point it mentioned that adoptive parents were told to take their child home and treat it just like it was their own, and they’d never know…I guess I just don’t understand…

Maybe I will try to read it again some time…who knows.

[l-thompson]

Brandy:

I hear so much about this book on this forum that I wonder, just out of curiousity, should I perhaps request it from our local library.

How long is the book - as in how many pages?

Is it only from one persons perspective? - if I recall correctly its written by an Mother who has children that were adopted?

What actually made you stop reading the book? - is the story just too hard to understand in the way it is written or do you feel the contents are just too "out there"?

[BrandyHagz]

Heya,

I don’t know, it’s not TOO long…I don’t have it in front of me…but it’s a pretty short book. Yes, the woman who wrote it is an adoptive mother, and I dunno…it just seems to out there for me…she writes it as if EVERY adoptee should feel this way, and that all adoptees are some how scared from being placed in a home without their birthmother.

My library didn’t carry it, so you have to purchase it. Luckily a friend from this forum was kind enough to send it to me, so I didn’t have to buy it.

I’m not sure that its from “One persons perspective” I feel like she is writing it as she has the eternal answer to adoptees feelings…from what little I read, I got the feeling that she felt this was an across the board feeling, every adoptee felt torn/rejected, and those that didn’t were just kind suppressing it or denying it. I don’t k now…the part I read gave me the hebbie jebbies…

I really do want to finish it…but I think it may be some time before I want to pick it up again.

[l-thompson]

Mmmmmm, thanks for that Brandy.

My curiousity is peaked now....might just have to see if the library has it......

[l-thompson]

I went to our local library today and sitting on the shelf was "Primal Wound" I began reading it and did not stop until the end!!

I found it very interesting and for me it did assist me in understanding a few aspects of my personality.

I do agree with your post that it implies *all* adoptees carry the primal wound and I appreciate many adoptees do not identify with some, if not all of the views detailed in the book.

Personally, I did not find it offensive in any way. On this forum I have heard some very negative reactions and I was expecting an extremely controversial book.

Keep on reading Brandy - she does talk about the adoptive parents and suggest what she feels would be helpful to them.

I guess like anything you read, take out of it what you feel is helpful to you and leave the rest as the writers opinion.

I am glad I have read it - I now know what people are referring to when they talk about the primal wound. Before reading I was very much in the dark....

[KittyKitten]

I read the book, it wasn't easy as I didn't agree with the premise of the book before even starting. I figured that even if it was less than intelligent I owed it to myself(and others) to at least know what other people might belive.

I couldn't see the primal wound in myself so much, but then I had the blessing of being strong(strongwilled?) in that I refused to forget my bfather, even after several beatings. On the other hand, I did see where the book seemed to point straight at my older 1/2 sister as if the book was written about her.

Is there a primal wound? I don't know, but I know that I read the entire book just 'cause and it caused a few question to arise.

Kitty

[stacyone]

You know, I read an interview with Verrier where she admitted she never really bonded the same way with her adoptive daughter as with her biodaughter. I can't help but wonder if coming up with the "primal wound" idea was her way of excusing her own guilt... just a thought...

[dadfor2]

i did not read the book.....however, i did buy it, read about 1 chapter and put it down....

im male. IMO just thought she was off her rocker.....my wife did too....

dadfor2

[gabi532]

Hello all,

My experience is that u must be honest with yourself and it's taken me a while to read it as well. First i could not read it at all, but now i recognize more and more things in myself, NOT everything, i might add.

Cheers

Gabi

[Mary RamireZ]

One needs to read the book more than once to understand it. May be read the last chapters first. As a birthmother that find the adoptive parent first in an simi open, I can understand the good adopte as in his uncle that never want to know his birthmother and tell his sister inlaw my birthson's adoptive mother crazy to have contact with me. I can understand why my birthson does not want to met me at this time. Ii just do not know why my angencys do get more adoptive parents read it . Kathy the adoptive mother will not read any books after he adopted my birthson. I wounder if a lot of adoptive parentdo not read any books after they adopted.

[Katiebaby]

My husband and I both have read The Primal Wound. I simply feel like it either applies to you OR it doesn't. I'm very glad I read this book. I plan on ordering another copy for my birthmother.

[dl]

BrandyHagz: I've tried several times to finish this book, but it just gets me so annoyed. First, it states things as if they are a fact instead of just one persons opinion ~ and not even an adoptee that is writing about their own feelings. Second it states that ALL ADOPTEES feel this wound. I find such blanket statements deliberately misleading and totally incorrect. We are all unique human beings and one cannot say ALL ADOPTEES anymore than one can say ALL MEN, ALL WOMEN, ALL BIOPARENTS, ALL APARENTS, ALL BLACK PEOPLE, ALL WHITE PEOPLE etc. As an adoptee, I did not personally relate to anything that I read.

stacyone: "You know, I read an interview with Verrier where she admitted she never really bonded the same way with her adoptive daughter as with her biodaughter. I can't help but wonder if coming up with the "primal wound" idea was her way of excusing her own guilt... just a thought..."
I've seen others post that they saw the same interview and came to the same conclusion. Sounds logical to me. If a person has a tendancy to excuse her own behavior, it would follow that she would have a theory that would give others an excuse for their behavior.

dadfor2: "IMO just thought she was off her rocker.....my wife did too...." Well said ~ LOL

Mary RamireZ: "I wounder if a lot of adoptive parent do not read any books after they adopted."
My parents read Dr. Spock books which is what most new parents read in the 50's.

Katiebaby: "I plan on ordering another copy for my birthmother."
If you do give your birthmother a copy of this book I would be sure to let her know that you are not blaming her for your "wounds". I've read posts by some birthmothers that took this "theory" to heart and felt horribly guilty for relinquishing their child to a life of inevitable pain.

[Katiebaby]

"If you do give your birthmother a copy of this book I would be sure to let her know that you are not blaming her for your "wounds". I've read posts by some birthmothers that took this "theory" to heart and felt horribly guilty for relinquishing their child to a life of inevitable pain."

I'm not responsible for my birthmother's pain, nor is she responsible for mine. I will MOST definitely make sure she knows that & really...maybe I'll pass on purchasing a copy for her. I just really don't want either of us to get too caught up in analyzing, but more caught up in from this point on.

[dl]

"I just really don't want either of us to get too caught up in analyzing, but more caught up in from this point on."

I completely agree and that's the approach my bioDad and I are taking. He's shared the facts as they were at the time of my birth and the events of his life and I've shared much about my life. But, for the most part we are focusing on getting to know each other in the present, as two adults, and it has been a joyful experience. I for one would not want him to read this depressing theory.

Best of Luck as you continue with your reunion.

[Katiebaby]

I'm glad to know things are going good for you and your birthfather taking this approach.

Thanks for the luck wishes!

Hope you have a great evening!