[katamy]

Hello, I'm a birthmom with a question for you adoptees....I was reunited with my daughter when she turned 18 that was almost 4 years ago. We had a great reunion, we saw each other every few months, and emailed daily. She and my 4 raised kids, got along fine, she even had her birth sisters come spend the night with her at her adoptive parents home. All was going well.
THen she asked about her birthdad, she wanted to know what he looked like etc. I told her I could find him and asking him for pictures, she liked the idea and I began searching for him, a year later I found him, she loved getting his picture but wasn't interested in a reunion with him, he was very disappointed. He had thought of her for years, and every year at christmas, he donated money to the adoption agency that handled our adoption (the adoption was against both of our wills, we wanted to marry) Well to make a long story short, the birth dad and I have began dating and hope to marry one day. The problem is that since he and I have been dating (1 year) my daughter has very little contact with me, she hasn't seen me in a year, and I've only heard from her maybe 4 times in the past year.
If I ask her to meet the two of us for dinner etc. she never responds. She is now 22.
Why won't she meet the birth dad? What are her fears? She says she is happy for us, that she has just been really busy, she only lives 30 minutes from me, I'm confused.

[sspete]

WOW........What a story!!!! Congratulations to the two of you on your relationship, that is Really something!!!

As far as your bdaughter goes that is really odd. I don't know what could be keeping her from wanting to meet him since she had no problem meeting you. You may want to give her a little more time to digest the two of you being together. It may really be confusing for her. Maybe in time she will come around....I sure hope so. Will she still come around you when he is not going to be around?? It is just so hard to say what might be hard for her.....Maybe just ask her what is bothering her, and what you can do to help her feel more comfortable. Keep us informed!!!! Blessings......

S Pete

[clarbog]

Katamy,

I don't know what your daughters a-parents where like but I will explain to you why I don't care to meet my father.

I recently found my half-sister and b-mother, they had been searching for me for years. My half-sister provided me with my b-fathers information, which I did not ask for. She has asked me why I have not contacted him.

My reasoning is very simple, I have had two adoptive fathers, both we not very nice, to my adoptive mother. I would not classify either of them as role models. It is for that reason I do not want to meet by b-father, for fear of another let down. I seem to be more intouch with my b-mother and half-sister than any male family members. Yes, a picture or two maybe nice, to see who I look like. It may sound like a selfish reason and very unforgiving of parental mistakes.

Just a thought....

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally posted by katamy
Hello, I'm a birthmom with a question for you adoptees....I was reunited with my daughter when she turned 18 that was almost 4 years ago. We had a great reunion, we saw each other every few months, and emailed daily. She and my 4 raised kids, got along fine, she even had her birth sisters come spend the night with her at her adoptive parents home. All was going well.
THen she asked about her birthdad, she wanted to know what he looked like etc. I told her I could find him and asking him for pictures, she liked the idea and I began searching for him, a year later I found him, she loved getting his picture but wasn't interested in a reunion with him, he was very disappointed. He had thought of her for years, and every year at christmas, he donated money to the adoption agency that handled our adoption (the adoption was against both of our wills, we wanted to marry) Well to make a long story short, the birth dad and I have began dating and hope to marry one day. The problem is that since he and I have been dating (1 year) my daughter has very little contact with me, she hasn't seen me in a year, and I've only heard from her maybe 4 times in the past year.
If I ask her to meet the two of us for dinner etc. she never responds. She is now 22.
Why won't she meet the birth dad? What are her fears? She says she is happy for us, that she has just been really busy, she only lives 30 minutes from me, I'm confused.

Some, just some adoptees blame the birth father. They see him as the reason they were adopted. Doesn't matter if he was in the same position as the birth mother.

Some adoptees, again,, just some a few, don't want you to be what they dream it "could" have been. Others would be happy.

She is young, give her time.