[tlee70]

I am at a loss at how to tell my b/f about some of the things that I have experienced in my life. I have faced many adoption and non-adoption issues . I have sought counselling over the years, and have seemed to work through many of my problems.
I was reunited with my b/m many years ago, but that ended in a non communicitave relationship. I think part of the reason for this is because I told her of my abusive childhood (along with other complicated reasons as to our failure).
I have just started a correspondense with my b/f and have explained to him the reasons why I do not have contact with my b/m, but they are extremely sad and probably very alarming to him.
How do I answer him if he asks me questions about my childhood? (that is if I haven't scared him off already *lol*). I know that alot of b/p's feel guilt about their relinquishment and want to feel better by knowing that their child was brought up in a loving and happy home, but what if they didn't?
How as an adoptee do I get past this issue and try to develop a relationship???

Thanks for any input...I'm kinda at a loss as what to do

[Sharon]

It's never a child's responsibility to protect his or her parents from the unpalatable truths in life. Yes, even if the child is grown and even if the parents are birthparents. Rather, it's the parent's job to protect the child. Failing that, it's the parent's job to listen and understand, and offer comfort and support. I'm sorry your birthmother let you down. I'm a birthmother, and this is unimaginable to me. Most birthparents care intensely about what kind of life their child experienced after being placed. Of course, we all hope for the best...but in maturing and educating ourselves, many of us have become prepared for the worst. I think...I hope...that your birthmother's reaction was an atypical one. Of course it would be devastating to hear that your child had been abused in an adoptive home, but I'd like to think that most birthparents would be able to rally to the occasion and offer their support and love. Please don't judge your father based on your mother's reaction. Give him a chance to know you, the real you. I know it's hard to open yourself up to rejection a second time, but I honestly believe that most birthparents would not behave this way in the face of your honesty; if you ask me, it's d*** near inhuman. Give your birthfather a chance. I don't believe he'll disappoint you. But if he does...at least you tried. You offered him the gift of knowing you, and if he turns it down, it's his loss, not yours. You sound like a very strong and compassionate person, a person who has been strengthened by adversity, and any birthparent with sense would be proud and thankful to hear from you. I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely, Sharon

[sammiesosa]

what to say... I hope everything between you and your b-mom will get better!!! i plan on telling my b-mom when i find her slowly of everything that has happened but very slowly as she wonders about it!!!

about telling your bf... he should know beofre things get too seriouse just he might leave you cus of it if he dose then he is not the one but if he stays that is great i have lost many boys due to my past but all that means is i wasnt ment for them!!!

good luck!!! let us know how it goes?