[CherieInMD]

For the good of my child, I gave up my son for adoption in December 1980, I joined the MD Mutual Consent Registry and then went through the MD Dept of Social Security to start a search. They found him and told me he was very interested in finding out more and maybe meeting me. He asked for me to write him a letter and send him a picture, I did, the first time it got "lost" in the mail according to DSS and it was resent a month later. In the meantime I was told he called the office several times to find out what happened to it. Then, the office never heard from him again, they told me they left messages and even sent a registered letter and say he signed for it. Did I do something wrong? Say something wrong in the letter? I'm so confused and I'm now having anxiety attacks from feeling I said something wrong in the letter? What could have happened?

[beth1965]

Cherie, My heart feels for you. Perhaps the "lost" letter and then month delay made him worry about whether or not you really wanted contact. Hopefully, he will venture out there again. Have you written again. How long has this been?

[CherieInMD]

Thank you for your reply. The letter was sent out from DSS and sent back. All this is what I was told only, not what I know for sure. My case worker was on vacation when it was returned and she contacted me and said it was on her desk when she returned. She said she remailed the letter the same day she got back. She also said she sent a registered letter to explain what happened and said he signed for it. After that he never called back, she said she left messages on his home and cell phone explaining but still no reply. For this reason she had to close the case and I cannot write to him again. So this is where I was left, on the edge of a cliff. I just can't live with the way this ended, I don't know what to do!!!!!

[CherieInMD]

I'm sorry, I forgot about your question, "how long has this been" it's been months now since they closed the case due to his lack of response. While I'm here, there's another thing that bothers me. You also have to follow their (DSS) guidelines as to what you can and cannot write in the letter, this makes no sense to me, it seems so impersonal!!!!!

[beth1965]

Yes, especially if he isn't aware of the guidelines and forms an impression based upon it. When I remember my reunion, it was a very emotional time - many ups and many downs. If he was going through this and at the same time something else was going on in his life or his adoptive parents or significant other were imposing their feelings, it may have changed his reply as well. Don't give up hope. If he initiates contact again, will they reopen the case?

[CherieInMD]

From what I was told, his Adoptive Mother was voicing her issues with it and they weren't good. Then I was told she said she would support him but by then the damage was done. He is also engaged so I don't know what his fiance thought about it. They will reopen the case if he contacts them, meanwhile I will just have to find a way to deal with this pain and anxiety. I want to thank you, it really helps to talk about it.