[nancynic]

Hi,

I remember when my sons were young and how much I relied on babysitters ... it seems my schedule was dependent on their schedules.

When my sons were babies, I didn't like to leave them ... and as they grew up and I started working again, I still didn't go out that much ...

Yet, I think it is important to go out, to have time with your partner and to take a break from parenting once in a while.

So I'm wondering how often you go out ... what do you do and who are your babysitters?

thanks!
NancyNic

[crick]

When our children first came to live with us, so much of our time was spent bonding and attaching that my dh and I didn't go out at all for the first 6 months. It was difficult to get back into our own relationship but we knew we needed to make the effort, no matter how time consuming it is.

Now, almost 2 years later, we have a date night at least once a month, sometimes twice. We have 3 babysitters that we rotate with and they are all wonderful. Usually we have dinner at a "grown up" place and either see a movie or what we've done lately is go to our local coffee shop and pick a book that we've both read to discuss. Also try very hard not to discuss the kids, although we break that rule at times. We also have 1 day a week where we take time out just for ourselves. I have a weekly dinner with a girlfriend and he plays in his band.

What I miss the most is not the going out necessarily, but staying home and hanging out without all the interruptions etc. For our last anniversary, instead of going somewhere for the weekend, we sent the kids to their individual godparents for the weekend and we stayed home. It was great!

[nancynic]

YEAH!

You are a role model for all parents!

thanks for your post!

Nancy

[crick]

thanks, although I don't know if I'm the right role model!

Seems like I run across parents all the time who say things like "we could go out but we believe our family is the most important priority", which seems to imply that we don't see our children as a priority because we have alone time.

Sometimes I let it go and other times I've said things like "if dh and I don't have a healthy relationship then what good are we to our kids?" And on the debate goes...

[kforkids]

I'm in the what good are you to the kids if you and your husband don't have a good relationship camp.
Our church offers a one night a month "kids night out" on a Friday night. That's when my hubby and I go out. We know our kids are in great hands, and have friends and planned activities- we couldn't ask for more! The kids as to go every weekend, but it isn't offered that often!

[NDN]

We don't go out alone, to be honest. My husband works construction and is away a lot and, because of a lay off last year, I am currently working to help get us back on track so we won't be in danger of losing everything.

We spend so much time away from our kids that we don't want to take any more away. Since our boys are 2 & 4, they go to bed relatively early, we just come up with creaetive ways to spend time together at home, while they sleep. We are not having to focus on parenting because our kids sleep through the night, but we don't have to go out and spend time and moeny that we don't have.

This works great for us and the kids don't feel shorted.

[NDN]

"Seems like I run across parents all the time who say things like "we could go out but we believe our family is the most important priority", which seems to imply that we don't see our children as a priority because we have alone time."

Don't let people make you feel guilty for wanting time for each other. As long as it is only done occassionally, there is certainly no way that it has taken priority over the kids. As long as you're not like some parents that I know, who work all week and drop the kids off with others every weekend, for the whole weekend. I'm sure if you were like that, you wouldn't be concerned enough to ask the question.

[Linnie65]

It is so hard! We live in a pretty rural area, so babysitters are hard to find and keep. We have relied mostly on grandparents but never really went out a lot without the kids.
Crick - I think it is great that you have a date night! Here's a related question - how old before you'll leave the kids alone? Ours are 12 & 9. Now, I was babysitting when I was 12, but my mom was right down the street. I'm not really comfortable leaving them for any length of time - what's everyone's opinions?

[NDN]

Originally Posted by Linnie65

Here's a related question - how old before you'll leave the kids alone? Ours are 12 & 9. Now, I was babysitting when I was 12, but my mom was right down the street. I'm not really comfortable leaving them for any length of time - what's everyone's opinions?

I think you should ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable about it. Is it just because it is unfamiliar, or are you concerned about safety, etc. That is a good place to start. You will certainly have to evaluate maturity of the children, safety issues, and so much more. It is a difficult decision.

One important thing to consider is law. I don't know what state you live in, but some states have laws restricting when children can be left alone. Oklahoma has no law-DHS says you can leave a 6 y/o alone for a couple hours as long as there is a neighbor or some close that they can call for help. I can't imagine! However, I was told by a day care provider in Texas that no one under 12 can be left without an adult, which excludes your 9 year old. You might want to check it out.

[shoeshopping]

My daughter is right around the corner from turning 12 and she is gungho about going to a babysitting clinic, becoming certified and then being able to babysit for the green ($$$).

I think it depends on the maturity of the child and whether or not s/he shows responsibility in everyday stuff.

Speaking of going out -- I cannot WAIT to go out once it is spring. Winter has not even started and I am already planning on hanging out with friends on a deck somewhere having a cocktail.

Yes, a Shirley Temple.