[chucknfw]

Please don't read this into a jab, but I feel that the bed is a sacred place for me and my wife. I love my children dearly and will lay beside them periodically to help them go to sleep and to snuggle with them, but not in our bed. We need that time together without children. We went from zero to three overnight and we need that separation. If we let them, our two and seven year old would try to be with us every night.

[echaos]

I certainly don't see it as a jab.

There are as many approaches to handling every different parenting situation as there are parents! Each family has to decide what is best for everyone in that family. Where co-sleeping works for us, it might not work for you.

I do wonder what prompted you to post this though?

[dadfor2]

echaos,

co-sleeping....i never even heard of it...to be honest.

but for us, when the kids came, we would sleep with them in their room to put them to sleep, mostly for the bonding and keeping the monsters at bay....

when they had nightmares, they would come into our room (bed) to sleep....no problem with that, except i wouldnt get a good nights sleep with them kicking and moving, but you can tell they felt very safe. so i didnt have a poblem with it

alot of times i have read the stories, gave the back rubs and sang the songs until they fell asleep, but then i get...

"can i sleep in your bed?"......its not a habit yet, they are usually scared so i let them...

then the fall right asleep then when its my turn for bed...i carryl them into their beds, kiss them goodnight and tell them i love them...(they usually just want to cuddle for about 1 minute after the move, until they fall asleep again)

we are moving, and our master bedroom is huge, which i am so happy, and i am actually thinking of getting cots for those nights when they just are plan scared, i can roll out a cot and have them sleep write next to us, but in their cot.....

co-sleeping...i think its a wonderful thing for bonding....i have not problem with this at all, i think it just makes the child feel safe, and isnt that the point of all this?...

but i will close with.....that i am glad this confidential.....DSS would be at more door in a second allowing my kids to share my bed at anytime....lol, but i feel i have to do whats best for them, even if DSS doesnt approve it.


dadfor2

[echaos]

Dad,

We had never heard it called co-sleeping or the family bed until we read it in a book called Dr. Sears Baby book. He advocates a style of attachment parenting that sounds very much like what I read here on the attachment boards. However, he advocates this for all newborns, not specifically adopted children, though he and his wife have had children join there families by birth and by adoption.

Having children sleep in cribs in a seperate room is a fairly new concept (last couple of hundred years) and is generally only practiced in Westernized cultures. Hilary's sister is married to a Japanese man, and the currently live in Japan. I'm not even sure they make or sell cribs in Japan! It is assumed that the child will stay with their parents. Some of it is for the practical side of ease of breast feeding, but mostly for the comfort, attachment and bonding of the children to their parents. The theory is that we are there for our children throughout the day, to comfort and love and hold, then why should we expect them to be on there own at night in the dark?

I say, what ever works best works best!

and don't worry, I won't tell DSS!

[dadfor2]

thanks for the education...sounds really wonderful actually and makes alot of sence.

i think it was changed because we also here is that the adults need to take care of themselves and need their time.

but our culture has gotten extremely self centered over the years (thats why seinfield is so funny....lol) sometimes its good to go back to the days when everything just made sence.

i got this email sent to me, but im not sure how to paste it to the forum....it was funny but made alot of sence...ill try to figure out how to do it and share it with you all....

dadfor2

[sharky8mup]

my daughter slept with me for 3 years and when she transitioned into her own room, (she was actually excited about this b/c she got her own room when i married her adoptive step dad, and she'd always had to share with me before) she kept a sleeping bag and pillow on a windowseat next to our bed that was open for her use whenever she wanted it. she used it alot after little brother was born, he slept in a crib next to our bed, and in our bed when i fell asleep breast feeding him) but soon discovered that she got a better nights sleep a room away from baby brother's cry and daddy's snoring! our son, her baby brother, now 3, prefers to climb in bed with big sis when he's not happy in his own room, rather than climb into our bed...and honestly, when my hubby eats something that gives him gas, i climb in bed with one of the kids too!

[Safoa]

My daughter (almost 3) has slept with us since she was about 7 months old. At first it was simply a practical move for all of us,she slept better, and we did too. When I started admitting our sleeping situation, some family and friends gave me a hard time. However, since I've been upfront about it I've also found out that many people opt for co-sleeping and we needn't act sheepishly about our choice.

To wake up to that precious face is something I cherish. I too agree with earlier posts --- not sure how we'll transition, but I'm not worried about it either. She's very independent and secure -- basically potty trained herself at a little over 2! I'm sure she'll let us know when she's ready for her beautiful big girl bed (that is just a big dust catcher right now!).

Funny, I remember scoffing at others when they told me their kids slept with them. I thought - hmm, you're the parent, you can change that! Now I understand, that's not the issue, there are benefits for both parent and child. And like the choice to stay home or work --- we all need to respect each other's choices.

[echaos]

Well, Liam got his new big boy bed this weekend! He was very excited and wanted to go to sleep in it at 6:00 yesterday after the futon arrived. Last night was the first night in it. He fell asleep fine (with me lying down with him) but started to fuss at 12:30. If I hadn't been in such a deep sleep (we've all been sick for the last week) I probably could have gotten to him and reassured him before he woke up. By the time I was coherent he had climbed in with us and was instantly asleep.

We'll just have to keep trying. We're in no rush for him to go, and I think I will miss the cuddling more then he will

[NDN]

We are a co-sleeping family. My boys are 2 & 4 and in their own beds. We introduced each boy to their own room when they weanied, which was just over a year old for each. We didn't push, just told them it was their room and as they grew up and didn't need to sleep with Momma, they would move in there. My oldest took to his right away. It took a while with my youngest, but they share a room and only occassionally does my oldest come to my bed-usually after a bad dream. My younger never sleepswith me anymore.

To teach my kids to sleep on their own I did NOT use the cry-it-out method. It only adds tension and leaves negative feelings about bedtime. I started by taking them to sleep in tehir bed. We read stories together and I laid there until they fell asleep. I did this about a week or so with my youngest, until he got used to his new bed. After that, I started reading the story with them in their bed and laid there for a few minutes, then left and told them I would come back and check on them. They learn quickly to read their books and fall asleep. This is how I did nap time too!

Now, my 2 year old has been in his own room full time for over 6 months. I no longer have to read a story to him in his bed. Often I read to him in the living room-so he won't get the idea for me to come lay with him-and take him to bed. Both boys are allowed several books in their bed, but are required to lay down and be quiet. If they are chronicly noisy, or whatever, they lose one book. It usually ends their. They want to keep the other 2 or so, and don't push it.

If they do need us at night, I don't tell them that they can't come to our room. To do so just creates more insecurity. We let our older son come to our bed if he wakes up really early in the morning or has a bad dream. When they are comfortable and know you are there, the occurrences will taper off. If it is a battle, it will either last for a long time or leave them confused and scared-I know, I've been there. We were never allowed in our parents room.

[juliesmom]

My daughter who is 12 1/2 has slept with me pretty much since she was 10 months old. I am hoping at some point she will decide she prefers her own room but for now she doesn't.

[Michigan_Mom]

1. What age(s) are the kids that you co-sleep with?
-2.5, 3 in November.

2. How do you get them to sleep? Do they fall asleep somewhere else and you move them to your bed?
-Falls asleep in living room, moved to own bed, comes to our bed when/if she wakes up.

3. Do you put them into your bed awake and they fall asleep on their own?
-Nope.

4. How do the kids who co-sleep at night handle daytime naps? Do you have to lie down with them? Where do they nap?
-She hasn't napped regularly since she was 1.

5. Have do you handle having to leave your kids with someone for an overnight situation?
-I haven't had to do this yet.

6. Do you have problems with the child waking up when you get up to use the bathroom, or one parent has to go to work much earlier then the other?
-For the most part she keeps sleeping, but she'll occasionally wake up and try to get out of bed. The other parent usually gets her to lay back down.

[anifish]

Now My children are getting older my youngest being 6, but I remember when we had our first child it had become popular to have your children sleep with you. All of my friends kids slept with them, as ours did with us.

I am posting because I would be interested to know if anyone has heard of its effect on SIDS in infants. I thought I read years ago that it reduces the risk. Now the other risk is that the baby is smothered, but I really think that is not a issue. Again I am not sure because it has been a few years. I also feel that as a nursing mother it is great to curl up with the baby and nurse right there, then back to sleep.

Everyone of our kids slept with us, the 6 year old still does allot of the week, I think that by the time she is 7 she will be done. She is really good now and sometimes it is our fault she sleeps with us. I love having her there. Yes,, I am loosing my last baby. I will never have this again. I want to hold on. There is an open door policy at our house. We find plenty of alone time. We have these kids for a short time when you really think about it and it is all about doing what we feel is best for them.

We never had probs with sleep overs, they never woke in the night. We all went to bed at the same time, also we usually let them nap in our bed. They had no probs with naps. We just layed them down and they would fall asleep.

So I am interested to know if anyone has heard of the sids risk. Maybe i will look into it.

Funny I think my husband enjoys having a little snugglebug lying againts his back more then I do. The little bed hog is lodged as close as she possibly can. I am really happy with our choice, and it has not had any effect on their independence, in fact they are a little to independent for their own good,,lollol

andi

[merriemama]

Believe it or not, the transition usually does happen! My MaryGrace co-slept with me until she was around five. Then, suddenly, she decided that she was big enough to sleep in her own bed. I love attachment parenting. I totally agree with the philosophy that if you give a child what they need in terms of security, they will be confident. She adjusted to the transition better than I did!! I still get up several times during the night to check on her--but she's always sound asleep!

Robyn

[Javalita]

Just started co-sleeping, or partially co-sleeping. Here is my reply:

1. What age(s) are the kids that you co-sleep with?
14 mos

2. How do you get them to sleep? Do they fall asleep somewhere else and you move them to your bed?
Fall asleep in my arms and then I put into crib (that is next to our bed) to sleep. I then go downstairs and get chores done. When I go to bed I move him into the bed while he is asleep.

3. Do you put them into your bed awake and they fall asleep on their own?
N/A

4. How do the kids who co-sleep at night handle daytime naps? Do you have to lie down with them? Where do they nap?
Same as above #2 - He naps exclusively in crib

5. Have do you handle having to leave your kids with someone for an overnight situation?
N/A

6. Do you have problems with the child waking up when you get up to use the bathroom, or one parent has to go to work much earlier then the other?
If he's sleeping he won't wake up when I go to the bathroom. We haven't ironed out the alarm for my DH yet. Seems to wake baby up some of the time...

[redhedded]

Robyn, Great post! I agree; for us, AP, makes for a happy, confident, well adjusted kid.

Believe it or not, the transition usually does happen! My MaryGrace co-slept with me until she was around five. Then, suddenly, she decided that she was big enough to sleep in her own bed. I love attachment parenting. I totally agree with the philosophy that if you give a child what they need in terms of security, they will be confident.