[nancynic]

Is it safe to sleep with infants?

During the past 3 years, 180 babies suffocated while sleeping in bed with their parents (according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission).

Some feel this is unsafe ... others disagree. Dr. Bob Sears reminds us that the incidence of crib related Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is far higher than infant deaths sleeping with parents.

There are no statistics comparing the number of SIDS deaths in bed vs. in the crib. The incidents of infant deaths sleeping with adults include: children getting trapped between the bed and wall (or the bed and another object); entrapment in footboards or bed frames; soft bedding (pillows); falls or an adult accidentally lying on top of the baby.

The CPSC recommends babies under 24 months sleep in cribs which meet current safety standards.

If you decide to have your baby in your bed, here are some tips:

Put the bed against a wall and fill cracks with a rolled blanket.
Push furniture away from the bed so babies don't get stuck between the bed and night table or other furniture.
Make sure the mattress is the right size for the bed frame so infants do not fall and get stuck between the bed and frame.
Avoid drinking, drugs and over the counter medication (which lessen awareness) so you will avoid you rolling over onto a baby.

Have you thought about having your infants/toddlers sleep with you?
What has your experience been like?
What do you consider the drawbacks or benefits?

Nancy

[Pblair]

My kids both slept with me when they were growing up. The only problem I saw with it was that it stopped my husband and I from being intimate. They slept in the bed with us until they were 5 or so......
Pat

[nancynic]

Hi Pat,

Yes I imagine that would be a consideration ... but also an incentive to be creative!

Nancy

[maddyboosmom]

My 1st child died of SIDS when he was 9 months and 2 days old. He had always slept in a crib, however the night that he passed away he was in an adult bed at the babysitters house.

I have read many of the statistics, and I do not feel that having your child sleeping with you increases the risk of SIDS. However, I believe there are other risks involved, such as the ones you mentioned in your original posting.

I have a 3 and 1/2 year old that sleeps in my bed now, and has since she was born basically ( on and off in the crib). As you can imagine having lost a baby, I wanted my daughter with me at all times....more for my sanity than anything....HOWEVER, I have created a beast now, and I don't know when I will be able to get her back into her own bed.

I think that there are risks involved in anything you do, you just have to decide what is most comfortable for your situation, and make you that you live everyday with your children to the fullest.

maddyboosmom

[nancynic]

Hi,

Thank you so very much for your post ... I cannot imagine anything more difficult than losing a child. I appreciate the honesty of your post. Parenting is not easy ... we are fortunate to have so many supports and so much information to help us along.

Nancy

[maddyboosmom]

Nancy,

It has been and continues to be the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life...but I have learned and grown SO much from my experience. Immediate counciling is the only reason that I can type these words today, for if it had not been for that I might not be here today.

I am thrilled to see your post, because SIDS is real, and needs to be discussed....it is a mystery to most people, and the more education people can have, the better ways we can protect our children....So THANK YOU


maddyboosmom

[MkMw]

When the boys were really young and on a 3hour feeding schedule, we used to put them in bed with us before the first feeding of the day - we could usually get them back to sleep and get an extra hour of sleep ourselves.

My hubby travels alot and sleeping with 2 babies is tricky (but can be done) so they have spent most of their time in their cribs. When they need the extra comfort though (particularly Andrew who is prone to ear infections) we do make exceptions. It's better for all of us to get the sleep we need.

[mckenna]

i had just posted this question on it's own thread but maybe people here would have suggestions. thanks

when i became a parent, i swore (which i am finding out you should never do when it comes to parenting) that i would never get into the habit of letting my children sleep with me. i got my son when he was 3 months old. he slept in his crib from the first night. he was very comfortable in his crib even up til his 2nd b-day. we unexpectantly became the foster family for his baby sister. so without any transition time my son was forced out of his crib into a toddler bed the day after he turned two. at the time we were living a very small house and the kids shared a room. tommy kept getting up and crying and waking up the baby. out of convenienc on my part i would let him sleep with me (mistake number one). when we moved, the kids had their own room but my son still got up and came in my bed. then he started refusing to sleep in his bed altogehther. i put a crib mattress on my floor and he slept there for awhile but still woke up several times. he sleeps more soundly and gets a better night sleep in my bed. i don't know how or if i should break the habit right now. he is 30months old. my question is how old is too old to co-sleep? (sorry so long

[nancynic]

Hi,

I think it's so important to be educated and flexible as a parent and to take cues from our kids as to what they need.

When we are aware of issues and needs of children (and ourselves) and we get support and encouragement from others, we can make decisions that benefit the family. It does indeed take a community to raise a child.

I am grateful to this online community which makes our communication so accessible.

Thank you so much for your honesty and caring~

Nancy

[maddyboosmom]

I don't know that there is an age limit. I think that it is very natural for your son to react they way he did. He has had a major re-adjustment in his life with the new bady, sharing a room, then moving and having unfamiliar territory.

I am definately not an expert, but in my opinion....I think that you should continue to try to coax him back into his bed, but at the same time, do not stress yourself to the point that you and he are both miserable. He will eventually go back to his bed.

Trust me, there is no easy solution...I have tried the crib mattress in my room, I have tried new "COOL" bedding, stuffed animals, etc etc etc, but my child and I are still not there yet and she is 3 1/2 years old. I am definately ready to get her out, but this is what she is used to, and it will take time.

I hope that it will be similiar to potty training....when you are about to give up, and have exhausted all options....magically they just do it on their own.


maddyboosmom

[debsdone]

With my first 3 kids, I was greatly influences by my Mom and the other "Moms" of her generation. Baby in crib, don't spoil them. feeding on schedule rather than demand, NO breastfeeding. I spent many many hours walking the floors with a distressed baby, as well as patting a baby in the crib as I was just about asleep on my feet. I learned, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what sleep depravation was! My husband was a fireman, so we were alone some nights, and I would sneak a baby in sometimes. I feel like those commercials..THEN I got luvs! LOL With my last 2 kids, I was older, wiser, and had acquired a new improved husband. I nursed, held my babies constantly, and slept with them. I never experienced sleep deprivation, had happy healthy babies, and learned just how soundly babies sleep. I know different people have different boundaries. For me, I SO enjoyed the cuddle time with my kids. They are now 12 and 14 and almost ready to go to their own rooms! (just kidding) At about 3, they went on their own. Usually with a sib for awhile. That is the beauty of having 5 kids. They can cuddle like puppies! My kids are still VERY physically affectionate. The older 3 are a bit more standoffish, except with the younger 2. OK, that is my experience! Love, Debi

[Cleopatrick]

We put our son in our bed as a baby pretty much for the sleep factor. He had bad lungs and I couldn't sleep with him in another room. When we put his crib in our room I would wake up during the night to feed him a bottle and we both would fall back to sleep in hubby and I's bed. He's going to be five soon and he still sleeps with us often. The rule right now is he has to go to bed (and fall sleep) in his own room. But if he wakes up during the night he can come to ours. He's usually in our bed in the mornings four or five days a week. I enjoy the cuddle time though, so I don't mind, lol. My daughter D was too old (6) when she came here and A was too fragile. Now that A is less fragile and four she can't because she has no cause/effect thinking abilities and she would just roll right off the bed.

[echaos]

Debbie, you had me laughing out loud in the middle of the office! {wink, wink}

We were at the same point, standing asleep leaning over the crib. Liam has been sleeping with us for the last 6 months. Our problem is 2 large girls, 7 cats and 1 whirling-dervish in a double bed!! Nobody is getting any sleep except the kid!! In order for at least one of us to get sleep we have been trading off sleeping with him in the den. Not the best solution... any ideas?

[debsdone]

Oh my, a double bed? Dang! I DEFINITELY recommend a king size! And not one of those california kings...you only need that if someone is 6'3" or so....but the eastern king! You could all sleep comfortably, along with a few neighbors if need be! Love, Debi

[AMom2Two]

Echaos...Deb's right, you do need a bigger bed You have a full bed there

When we brought our daughter home she slept in the cradle next to our bed for the first 4 months. When she would wake up for her 4 a.m. feeding, I would then take her to our bed to sleep until the morning. She always seemed to sleep much better in our bed. Now that she is older, a whole 27 months, she is sleeping through the night in her crib. When she get's sick and is not feeling well, and wakes up crying, I bring her into our bed. I'm sure this is all gonna change when she is no longer in the crib. We had to put a crib tent on it to keep her safe because she was climbing out. I dread taking her out of the crib. How in the world do you keep them in their room? I love the cuddle with her, but I really do not get a good night sleep and my husband get's no sleep! I still feel like I sleep with one eye open to make sure I didn't roll over on her. Our two cats sleep in our bed too.