[mmm2hands]

I met my 24 yr old daughter for the first time 5 wks ago. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can you share your experience(s) so I can get an idea as to how to proceed with this relationship down the road?

Thank you

[peacefulgirl]

I can not really speak as an adopted child, or mother of....... but can I ask how it went and what your daughter thinks so far? Is she receptive? I will be glad to let you know what I think, as my sisiter in law (see post below) is heading this way herself ........ but as a mother myself too, how did it go? What is the atmosphere? Give me some background........ I'll keep an eye out for this post !


PG

[Joni Peterson]

MMM, congratulations!!! I am a birthmother that has recently made a connection with my daughter. We have yet to meet, but I am so excited and wonderfully nervous. I wonder if this child of mine will ever know how much she is loved, and how everytime I sat down to dinner with my other children that she was very missed. Will she know that every prayer I prayed had her in it! My best advice is ....Love conquers all.
Best wishes!!! Joni Peterson

[sspete]

mmm-What great news! If you both will continue to take your reunion slowly everything will hopefully work out. This is a great time for both of you, but you must be prepared for everything. Always concider what the other is feeling. Never assume you understand. There are a lot of emotions invloved and a reunion is best to be taken with the utmost respect for ALL parties invloved. I wish you much luck and success in your reunion! May all your dreams come true! spete

[BobbyTC]

MMM, I just met my 22 year old Birth daughter for the first time 3 weeks ago. We've since met again. I find it to be an exhilirating experience each time. She is an intelligent, well adjusted, understanding woman wise beyond her years. I feel that a huge void in my heart is healing. I struggle with what I've missed but the fact that she turned out so well is extremely comforting. it is an overwhelming experience. I do have a question for others in the same situation. How is your spouse handling it and are you going to tell your children about it?
Bobby

[patrisha]

BobbyTC & mmm2hands

I am a bmom about 2 years into a reunion with my 33 year old son. During our "get acquainted honeymoon" phase my husband was very jealous of how absorbed I was with my son. I forget who said it, but they described their feelings as "get on board or get out of the way". That was my attitude too. I waited 31 years to hear my son's voice and no one (not even my husband of 28 years) was going to discourage me.

It didn't seem as "real" to my husband until my son came to visit us. Now we all get on great and just came back from a family camping trip together.

It just takes time. Spouses feel left out of the loop at first. Kids are usually estatic to find they have a new sibling and get along very well.

Good Luck
Trish

[BobbyTC]

Patrisha, Thanks....sounds like things are going well for you and your family. Do you have any relationship with the adoptive mother and did you have other children to tell about this? I have 2 other daughters ....young teens ....I expect them to be very receptive and I know my birth daughter is anxious to meet them but my wife is a little apprehensive about timing and method? How did you do it and did you wait? What were the results?
Bobby

[autogrl1612]

congradulations, i havent been able to find my bmother yet, i havent given up though, how did it go when you met her, were the two of you nervous? i know i will/would be, i think of what i would say to my mom when i met her, when i go to the store or mall, i think maybe ill pass her....but the only thing i can do i keep looking which i am, well, good luck in the future, i hope you can met your daughter again in the near future, good luck

[patrisha]

BobbyTC

My son's adoptive mother died before our reunion. Prior to her death she was very supportive of my son's search. She was his primary care giver as his mom and dad divorced when he was pretty young. I have visited his home town and met his extended family. I was nervous about their reception, but all went very well and I was made to feel welcome.

I think the reason our reunion is going as well as it has is because we haven't dwelled on the "what might have been's" and concentrated on what we can make of all the tommorrows we have left. I have also paid close attention to comments made by the adoptees on this website to gain as much insight as possible into areas he might find troubling.

My daughter did not know about her brother until our reunion. She is older than your girls (30), and lived enough herself to loose some of the idealism of youth so I'm sure the telling was easier. She was very happy about the news and they get along very well. They have actually elevated their relationship to the bickering level! LOL

Teenager's are alot more savy today than ever before. They expect to be treated like adults sooner, too. I would worry that if you kept something as important as the discovery of a new sibling from them, you could affect their trust in you. I'm sure given their age, you're trying to encourage open communication between all of you. The message it may send if they find out about your daughter on their own is that you're really asking only for a "one way" exchange.

Knowing their parents are fallible and human is not such a bad thing. Seeing their parents own up and take responsibility could be an invaluable lesson. Certainly showing them that you still care about your birth daughter all these years later will reinforce their confidence in your love for them.

Good Luck Bobby
Trish

P.S. Not to be morbid, but what if something should happen and they find out they had the opportunity to meet their sister and you and your wife decided it was in their best interest not too.