[Douglas Scott C]

I have just been reunited with my bsis last weekend after the first phone call a week earlier.

Background:

4 children by this mother. First 2 (same father) adopted out. I am the eldest. 2 youngers daughters raised by bmom. Eldest bsis passed away 10 years ago. bmom and remaining bsis reunited with asis 5 years ago. asis only wanted the basics and hasn't spoken with them since. This hurt bmom and bsis very much.

Fast forward to my search. We were so close to reuniting. The Childrens Aid was acting as intermdiary. We were maybe 2 weeks from contact when the Childrens Aid notified my that bmom passed suddenly BUT bsis still wanted to be reunited.

So here we are. I'm 32, she's my baby sister at 23. She has known of me all her life and now I am the only birth relative she has.

The connection was instant. Of the 4 siblings, the 2 of us are the most identical in appearance and personality (which is a bonus)

But for me I am having this Honeymoon overkill. I can't stop thinking about her. I just want to be with her 24/7. It's like I'm trying to make up for 23 years in 1 weekend.

I'm afraid that I will push her away by being too clingy.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

BTW, we live 10 minutes from each other.

[VANICE]

I understand your feelings about not being able to get enough contact. When I first found my Dad, I too could not get enough. I could have easily stayed day and night around the clock with him, taking in every word that he said. I was so eager to hear everything that I had missed out on over the years. Be patient and have fun, but most of all congratualtions on your reunion.

[KilleDowns]

I know where you're coming from too, (not with a sis, but both my birthparents) I'd just advise to take it slow and tell her to let you know if you're going overboard with the relationship. Best of luck!

[Biggsista]

Hi Douglas,
I have met my halfbrother last year after getting a call that my father was dying (I am not adopted but of a divorced family having little contact over the years with my father) this site is the closest I can come to in understanding what I have been going through. When I first started talking to my brother it was great "the honeymoon" couldnt get enough of him and he was very happy to have me in his life (his mom died when he was very young and adopted by another family) this past year we have been together alot and now it seems to be fading. The visits are less frequent and the phone calls and messages I leave are rarely returned. He has gotten married a few months ago and is having a baby very soon. His wife seemed very happy that we met but my gut tells me so much otherwise and dont know if Im just oversensative but I too have been trying so hard to make up for lost time, but now that it seems to be dwindling down it is really killing me. I lost my father without knowing him and cant help feeling the rejection thing with my brother. Anyway, I just want you to know I understand what you are going through and I would love him to be feeling the way that you are. Its crazy but feels like a big roller coaster ride. Anyway, maybe next time I feel like I am becoming too clingy you can be my support and visa versa, I dont want to push him away or scare him but I feel like I am doing exactly that. HELP!

[l-thompson]

Hi Douglas:

I agree with Killedowns - just ask her to tell you if you are going too fast or going overboard .
In reunion we all need to find a pace in which all parties feel comfortable. Ask her to be open and honest at all times and promise to do the same with her.

I so know where you are coming from - its like nothing or no one else exists in the early days - like being in love!!

All the very best to you both.

[Mel1]

I know how you feel! I met my brother about 7 months ago. At first, the honeymoon was AWESOME! He even moved from FL to GA to be with me (and lives with my husband & I). I'm 35 and he's 42. I want to be with him sooo much! At first he wanted to be with me too but then I think the honeymoon period for him was over. It breaks my heart to think that I waited 25 years to be with him and he's more interested in being on his computer than spending time with me. Not saying that this will happen to you but I know EXACTLY how you feel. I think about my bro all the time and wish I could be with him. I feel like I am more involved (emotionally) than he is.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Tell me more about your story. How are things going with your sister? Has she felt "overwhelmed" by all of your feelings?

Take care,
Mel1

[Brittnicks]

I too understand the feelings of not having enough contact and wanting more. I too have been reunited with bfamily a year ago and still deal with the feelings of not ever having enough time with my bsiblings and bmom. The "honeymoon" was intense and sweet. Things do calm down a bit in time though. It is difficult to not overwhelm the bfamily and I am learning patients in taking things slow. But the intense feelings I do understand all to well. Good luck in the adventure.

[Biggsista]

Hi Msdctenn,
I too have been on this "ride" for the last year, you are not alone as I am reading more and more. The only thing I can tell you that has helped me, is to realize that he has had another life and doesnt mean that he doesnt want to be a part of yours. I have tried to lay back a little bit, stop so much calling and stop so much emailing..He too has a wife that I think is dealing with some insecurity issues, I know that you want to spend every waking moment trying to make up for lost time, I too feel like that and it seems that there is always one party that wants that more. The only thing that seems to be helping me is to try and focus back into my life because I feel like I have totally dropped everything. Start reading these posts to see that you are not alone. Drop him a line once in a while, not constantly and just let him know you will always be there for him and that you care. I have poured my heart and soul (and my money with gifts) trying to squeeze my life of information and my feelings into one year with letters, email etc..when I should have been taking it slower so he could really get to know me, it doesnt happen overnight unfortunately and it does feel like a dating game.. write to someone else when you feel that urge to speak with him and if it was meant to be he will come around as painful as that thought may be. Take care and write to me anytime.

[banjo]

Hi there, here's a reality check. My mother - and I am NOT an adoptee - can go weeks - and I mean over 6 weeks - without contacting me. I've been very patient and waited weeks until she bothered to get on the phone to see if I was still alive! All I can say is create a vaccum, ie hold off contact for a while, and pull that other person in - it takes lots of strength but it does work....

[Biggsista]

Hi Msdctenn,
I know how hard this is and all I can tell you is that you are not alone, it helps to talk to other people in similair situations and I'm always here. I hope with time it will get easier for both of us, its almost like an obsession with me, but I realize its not my fault its wanting the acceptance and trying to make them love you. I have been trying to read and learn as much as I can about how other people deal and it seems that people go through exactly what we are, at times It does feel like Im losing my mind and analyzing every word and action or lack of I should say. Be strong!!! Keep talking and writing it helps.